Difficult situation
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She isn’t being judgmental. You legitimately sound like a crazy asshole. The fact that this girl had some interest in you at some time doesn’t obligate her to keep wanting to date you. She told you clearly and unambiguously that she wasn’t interested. The fact that you think that you are owed some additional explanation or that it’s your business what she does going forward is wandering into disturbed territory.
I am sorry that a previous instance of romantic ambiguity caused you to spin into depression. If that is so, maybe you should hold off on dating until you are better able to handle it emotionally. It’s not the responsibility of some girl you hung out with several times to manage your issues.
This is why women back off away from you, slowly and with gentle motions. because you can’t take repeated hints, and you don’t even respect her voice when she tells you she cannot give you what you want. She thought she liked you, you cuddled and texted from afar. You never had sex, and when you did get more intimate, things cooled.
Then you started pressing her for reasons.
BECAUSE SHE ISNT THAT INTO YOU. She told you that, in different ways. Many, many ways.
Since you won’t respect her words and back off (this past week hardly counts) this is when you are slipping into creepy territory, into totally disrespectful territory.
You said something has been missing with all the other women who have friend zoned you. I have to imagine it’s this very thing.
Generally, people want to have passion for someone before they have sex and have an actual relationship. You were not dating. You never went on dates. She never called you her bf. She liked to get drunk at parties and have someone to cuddle..
until you made it weird. Until she realized she didn’t like you that much, and then you kept pressuring her and are trying to come up with reasons why she is doing what she is. She’s exercising her freedom of choice and is interested in another man, MORE than you.I’m sorry you think we are being rude, but about 10 women and at least one man are telling you that you need to leave this alone. The truth sometimes hurts. We’d are trying t9 help you NOT be THAT GUY.
You are clearly in school, go book an appointment with your school counselor.
Women are not some mystery being that you need to decode. She doesn’t like you as much as you like her. She’s been clear about that. Respect her words as you would a mans.
@hhans – The frustrating thing about dating and romance is that, particularly in the beginning and often even later, people change their minds all the time. They suddenly decide they don’t want what they said, go back on their word, say they don’t want a relationship and end up coupled up the next month. It happens all the time for a multitude of reasons. I have an ex-boyfriend (who I dated for many months) who told me he was asexual and didn’t ever want to get married. Guess what? In April, he will have been married – to a woman who isn’t me! – for two years.
It’s a mindfuck, but when people tell you how they feel you have to believe them. She knows where to find you if she changes her mind. The only respectful thing you can do is leave her alone. You can’t logic your way out of this because love and romance are not logical. Feelings are not logical. It sucks that she went back on what she said, it sucks that it seemed like she thought she might like you but she’s decided she doesn’t, but she’s told you all she needs to tell you and you really do need to leave her alone.
The great part about this is that you don’t want to continue to pursue someone who isn’t crazy about you anyway! Take some time to yourself, take the pressure off, then start looking around for other prospects. The more you work on yourself the higher likelihood you’ll find someone to appreciate all that work you’re doing.
Fyodor, in now way i feel she is obligated to keep dating me and in no way i feel like i am ‘owed’ an explanation. It simply helps me put it all into place and accept the situation. I also have no idea how i made it sound like i expect all of these things from her, i only would want to know so i can help understand my own feelings better. If i sound like a crazy asshole, maybe i am, that’s what i fear, because i know i am not develepod emotionally like most other people. And that’s why i look for advice on this matter rather than going crazy against a person i feel no grudge against. My thoughts on this are much different than how i actually act, on here i let them flow out. In reality i keep them to myself and behave (or try to) perfectly normal.
Honestly, at this point it sounds like you are pissed that yet another woman doesn’t want to have sex with you.
No one owes you sex, Hans. If you want woman to feel comfortable around you for the long run, you need to listen and respect what they say in the moment. Every time.
You were never dating.
You never went on a date.
She never called you her bf.
She actually told you she didn’t want a relationship at all.
You were cuddles buddies. It is a thing. It happens in college. Lots of booze, people to impress. I cuddled and slept* next to various friends in college. Affection is nice.
But if one doesn’t want it anymore, it’s done.
Stop. You are sounding more and more irrational the more you go on. Please go see your school counselor and take a women’s studies course.
anonymousse, sorry but you’re assuming a lot of things here. We had one brief conversation about it before our last date. All the other things came from a relatively short conversation afterwards. I never pushed anything nor bother her to explain further. And you can date people without calling them your bf or gf, ive done that before and it’s what this was like. We went on multiple, literal dates. I took her to the mall, to the movies, we went out for dinner a few times. Those are dates, are they not? There were two occasions where we were drunk.
“She told you that, in different ways. Many, many ways.
Since you won’t respect her words and back off.
Then you started pressing her for reasons.
Until she realized she didn’t like you that much, and then you kept pressuring her and are trying to come up with reasons why she is doing what she is.”
VERY extremely put and not true at all. She initiated the first conversation, afterwards i simply asked her where we’re at. That was two weeks ago and i haven’t spoken to her since. You make it sound like i stalked her for days, not leaving her alone and harassing her without end. Very much exagerrated. So please, please do not say things you don’t know about.I do genuinly respect everyone’s replies here because they do make me think about this in another way. But honestly, you’re just spewing. I don’t like what i read in most comments, but you’re literally not being of any help whatsoever. You may have missed the part in my original post that i already had sex in the meantime. It’s not purely sex i’m after. Ive had fuckbbuddies before and that doesn’t please me. I don’t feel like anyone owes me anything. I feel like it’s me to blame in each and everyone of those situations and that’s the most frustrating part. Not knowing what the hell is wrong with you, if there even is anything wrong.
By the way, i just found out it may be becoming more serious with that other guy. And simply by knowing he may have charmed her more then me, i can deal with it better. Because it’s more of an outside factor than rather my personality or anything.
And no, i am in my third year of university. But i do indeed feel like a highschooler on this matter, which is why i need to learn how to deal with this shit. Stop being a keyboard warrior.
“It simply helps me put it all into place and accept the situation. I also have no idea how i made it sound like i expect all of these things from her, i only would want to know so i can help understand my own feelings better.”
You “made it sound” like you expect it because you are continuing to push for explanations when she told you she wasn’t interested. That should be the end of it. Even if “simply helps” you THAT ISN’T HER RESPONSIBILITY. She has indicated that her involvement in this is over and you are refusing to respect that.
And people were exceedingly polite when thus thread started. You have earned whatever frustration is directed at you by now.
Fyodor, thing is, i am not actually continuing to push her for explanations. I am thinking of doing that to put my mind at ease. I left it where it’s at, but am still struggling with my thoughts. Which is why i’m here. It’s not her responsibility to explain anything, but in my opinion just asking and telling her i’m actually struggling with this hurts nobody. Maybe it does, and my opinion is wrong. I believe i may just be a dense person who needs very clear messages, you see? People need feedback in order to grow and im getting a lot of that on here. I still think it’s wrong of some people to shoot me down like that, i just don’t know how to deal with my feelings.
I know i have a lot to learn on this matter, i am fully aware that my mindset about this only causes problems. It’s true that having a “fuck it” attitude works out better always. But it ain’t easy. In fact, it’s the hardest thing there is for me.
‘Problem’ also is i tend to hide my emotions. I assured her im okay with what she said and it is what it is. Told her she didn’t hurt me. Only to be able to be friends in the future without awkwardness and to not put her in an uneasy situation (actually realizing that’d be exactly what i would be doing if i’d go back for feedback). This leaves me with lots of doubts and thoughts and that makes for a negative influence on my own well being. I have problems, i know, just didn’t think it would be that obvious, even through a text on an internet forum.
It’s funny you didn’t mention any of those dates in your initial post.
That didn’t seem pertinent to you? ?Even if you WERE dating her, which requires a mutual agreement, you aren’t now. Ouch! The truth hurts, baby boy.
This other guy didn’t charm her more..she feels chemistry with him. She likes him. It’s mutual. Not one sided.
The fact that it’s been two weeks since you last spoke, and you are still struggling to comprehend what happened, and won’t hear what everyone is telling you…shows you seriously need mental help.
Yeah, I am a fucking keyboard warrior, dude. I’m just here to battle misogyny and echo the voices of everyone else on this thread with a shred of common sense.
Especially when creepy men will not listen to reason.
You have heard the truth from so many, even before you wrote in. That’s why you wrote, ‘don’t tell me I’ve been friend zoned.’You knew the answer then, and you know it now. It is over.
I’m sorry that it hurts. We have all had heartbreaks. We’ve all been rejected and lived through it. Hey, I’ve even been a creep about it before! I have felt the horrible desperation you feel when you like someone and they just don’t like you anymore. It’s terrible. I can be honest about that.
If you want to wallow in the whys of it all, write in a journal, write a poem or a song, or please go speak to a counselor. There is nothing wrong about seeing a professional when you need help. Take advantage of the amenities your college tuition affords you!
We are older than you, with a lot of life experience and are trying to tell you, there is no deeper closure or resolution that you are going to get from her at this moment in time.
You think I’m being rude, but I think we are all just tired of telling you to leave her alone.
And with that, I bid you adieu, because even assholes like me need sleep.
