Right, but I don’t understand why he felt the need to lie about his age. If he were honest from the beginning, I think it would be different. However, he hasn’t been. Don’t you think that seems a little off? I am trying to look out for someone I care about.

Oh man, if you think 29 is REALLY old, buckle up.

Anyways, a ten year old he gap is kind of a red flag. A lot happens in your 20s, and while for some couples it’s totally fine, for many others somebody is a creep. And lying about your age, also kind of a red flag.

That said, she is a grown-up (barely). You have expressed your concerns*, she still wants to do what she wants to do. There’s not really anything more you can do. She gets to make her own choices whether they’re dumb or not. She knows what you think, no need to beat her over the head with it.

*You have something right? I think – baring something major like abuse – we get one opportunity (and responsibility) as friends to express our misgivings, then we have to shut it and respect their right to make their own choices.

I strongly disagree with Poppy and Essie. Dating down to 19 at 29 and using deception to do it is a huge red flag. He’s on the edge of 30, she’s a year out of high school and you think that’s normal? TF? Normal for scum bags maybe. OP I would express concern once and only once–something along the lines of ‘his excuses for lying seem fishy and overly convenient’ and leave it. She’s going to have to figure it out.

A 10-year gap is nothing later in life, but there is a vast difference in maturity and what life stages you’re in at 19 and 29. My husband and I are 32 and have a few single male friends in their late twenties/early thirties in our friend groups who exclusively date women in their late teens/early twenties.

From conversations with these guys and observing their interactions with women over the years, I’ve realized they date younger because:
1. Many women their age want committed relationships and see marriage and children as near-future goals, and they’re not ready to settle down. Usually they don’t want anything serious, just to sleep with as many women as possible.
2. Women their age have already dated some losers and have a low tolerance for shitty behaviour like cheating, lying, gaslighting, being selfish in bed, etc. Young, naive women who haven’t experienced a bad relationship yet are more likely to put up with their B.S.
3. They’re the kind of men who think younger = hotter and crack jokes about their friends needing to “trade in for a younger model” when their wives/gfs hit 30.
4. A combination of any/all of the above.

None of these guys have ever needed to lie about their age, though, because the young women they date always seem to be flattered that an older man is into them. They see his established career, his nice car and the apartment/house he owns and think they’ve got a catch. They never ask themselves why he can’t get a woman his own age.

This guy lying about his age makes me wonder if he’s actually older than 29 and just thought a 10-year gap might be the max she’s comfortable with. I’d bring up your concerns with your friend – especially about the lying, that’s a red flag and a sign he’s untrustworthy – then drop it. If he’s anything like the guys I know, he’ll be ghosting her soon enough, when he gets bored and starts screwing someone else. Sure, he might be a great guy who really cares about her, but the fact that he hid his age while swiping on her, knowing she was 19, tells me he’s probably just another creep.