Friend is dating someone REALLY old
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Can we take a poll to see what percentage of us still think he’s lying about his age? Because I think he’s older than 29. And he’s lying about other things as well. You sense something fishy because things are fishy. I would ask your friend open questions like don’t you want to date some guys our age? And when he does something jerky ask your friend if she thinks it’s OK. Be there for your friend because she’s going to need it. Some people have to learn the hard way.
Fyodor nails it. Is your friend in trouble (or peril as someone delightfully used above) – likely no.
As a friend, keep an ear out for shitty behavior and call it out. It may have nothing to do with his age. Shitty behavior is shitty behavior. I’m thinking patronizing or condescending behavior.
And the notion that women in their late 20’s all have children and he doesn’t want to be a step dad is one of the stupidest things I’ve heard in a while. Seriously, I’d question his motivations because he should be well aware that women can have children before they’re 19. He likely wants someone who is a little less mature, definitely not as accomplished, is without “baggage” and is not itching to get into a long term relationship that leads to marriage.
This line really stood out to me, “He said…that most men date younger girls anyway.” That’s his excuse for shaving five years off his supposed age.
Peril, like immediate physical danger, probably not. But I still think something is off. This friend is right to be concerned, but there’s nothing she can do about itother than try to remain neutral, I judgemental in the hopes that when she need some help, she’ll come to you.
Eh… I think he’s 29. And that a few of you have deeply unresolved issues with the lousy choices in men that you yourselves made and are thus projecting. Some of You are also assuming everything she claims he said is a verbatim quote which I very much doubt. Though it does rather neatly fit the abuse narrative you’ve quickly constructed in your heads…
Ange, it may be a “quirk,” but it’s very real that in my society, a 19-year-old girl is a teenager still. Usually not self-sufficient. Able to be on her parents’ insurance until she’s 26.
Anyway, my first advice still stands. Guy’s a creep. Girl will have to learn the hard way.
Mark, why don’t you just scream I hate vaginas and the people attached to them and be done? It’s really fucking tiresome.
God forbid we try to counsel a worried friend about something many of us made the mistake of doing ourselves…if that’s a character flaw, I’ll take it.
@BGM – I would say the same thing if it were a guy who was 29 who ONLY dated men significantly younger/ less mature. The only thing that would change about my response would be regarding children (although totally possible but less likely to be perceived as “baggage”(my word)).
It’s entirely possible that this guy is targeting younger women which in and of itself is not terrible. But often people do this because of the power dynamic. Younger people haven’t always found their voice when they’re 19. They’re still trying to make everyone happy where as people in their late 20’s are more clear on their needs and people in their late 30s are heading into “If you can’t fit into my life without making me change anything then give me an orgasm and go away.” territory.
It’s true that a lot of guys date women who are younger than them but it’s usually only a few years difference. The fact that he had to lie about his age shows that the age difference is more than usual and more than most young women want. If the age difference were standard he wouldn’t need to lie.
I think it is easier for a guy his age to impress a young woman than one his own age. The young woman will compare him to the guys her own age who are still in school, working part time jobs and living with parents during the summer when school isn’t in session. This guy is established. He has a real career with a real income and his own place. A woman his own age isn’t going to be as impressed. She’ll be comparing him to her own career and income and to that of others she knows and he won’t seem so accomplished. It isn’t that he has no accomplishments it’s that he won’t stand out so much when compared to his peers.
If 29 is really old, I guess I’m the cryptkeeper at 63!
I’m concerned about the lying as well as the stepfather comment. The latter seems incredibly self-involved and selfish. Who needs a guy like that?
I agree he prolly lied about his age just to snag a younger chick to bolster his ego. He’s probably a jackass but keavevit be. If your friend is smart, she’ll see him for what he is and kick him to the curb.
