Friend is dating someone REALLY old
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Not selfish to not want to or not be ready to be a step parent at any age. I won’t lie I wouldn’t go back and do it again. It’s the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. You get the responsibility without any actual power and usually resentment since you aren’t mom, which is even harder when actual mom is a deadbeat. It is a thankless role to take on.
Yeah better to say it up front and know that you don’t want kids or step kids. It’s not selfish to put that line down, it’s significantly more selfish to try to push the kid to the side so you have time with the parent.
My mom dated a guy and he adored her but tolerated me. The next guy adored her and considered me a bonus. He was totally cool with instant family.
My step dad was four years younger than my mom. My step mom was 13 years older than my dad. It’s a lot about where you are in life. If you can’t fathom dating people your own age… then something is off.
A 29 year old man is a grown ass adult. If he’s immature that’s his own fault and it doesn’t excuse lying or make it less creepy to date girls fresh out of high school.
Somehow a 19 year old needs to “call him on this” but a 29 year old who lies is fine? Way to enable shit behavior from grown ass men.
I think what I personally said was 1) women let men get away with this horseshit, and 2) it was sketchy for him to have lied by 5 years.
That said, I think lying by 1 year (e.g., 39 vs 40) on dating sites is not an issue,
Another real world example of how people are cruelly judgemental about true love when it is outside narrow age parameters.
http://ellieadvice.com/dating-much-younger-people-can-cause-judgement-from-others/
Translation-women should police men’s behavior. How about they do that themselves? Full disclosure I am a cliche and PMSing like a motherfucker but goddamn it’s tiresome! Men display x shitty behavior and it’s women’s job to deal with and stop it. Except that doesn’t work either because there are other women lining up to excuse that behavior with ‘they’re immature’ ‘they’re from another generation’ and everyone’s favorite-‘boys will be boys’!
I think most of us agree that it’s creepy for him to have lied about his age specifically to seek out college-age women (because let’s be honest, he could easily have sought dates in the 23-26yo range at 29. He said 24 because he is looking for someone even younger than that. Therefore, he’s kinda creepy.) BUT I think we also all know that a 19-year-old is a legal adult, and therefore if she wants to date Mr. Creepy, even knowing he lied, there is nothing that anyone can really do about it. The friend can mention her misgivings and then stand by to maybe gently nudge and question, but that’s it. I agree with whoever said that this is a problem that may solve itself, as Mr. Creepy probably isn’t looking for a long-term commitment.
Well, Kate, you did claim a 29-year-old who doesn’t want kids has no choice but to pursue teenagers.
