LW, i also think you could reconsider the idea of meeting out at a restaurant for either a meal or just dessert and drinks. You dismissed it since people said it would be to expensive to bring their kids to…but that’s kind of the point. It becomes more expensive for them than if they were just meeting at your home sans kids but this may be the step you need to make to really exclude their children from this event.

No one should bring children to an adults only event and absolutely no one should try to tell you what to serve unless they have a life threatening allergy. I think the most likely thing that will happen is that none of them come if they can’t bring the kids. There were times we turned down an invitation because it was adults only and we didn’t have an evening babysitter. We didn’t know anyone who was willing to watch a kid at night. I think it is easier now with the internet but it wasn’t an option for us.

Unfortunately for you, your birthday falls in December. December is an especially expensive month. You have all of the usual expenses plus heating bills go up and there are kids parties at school and you are expected to contribute to those and you need to buy presents for the kids and your families and we always had travel expenses because we had to travel to spend Christmas with family. It all adds up and you know that in January you have to start all over with your medical deductible which is really high for most families and you know you are going to be paying out of pocket if anyone gets sick. That’s on top of the usual things like paying for activities. That doesn’t even include things like photos with Santa or new Christmas dress clothes for each child and new dress shoes and new pajamas. When it comes down to paying $80 to $100 for a sitter or paying for the dance lessons or soccer or art, etc. you are going to pay for your kid’s activities and skip the sitter. Parents are usually balancing wants and needs and they are going to pay for their kids extras before they pay for extras with you. I’m assuming they were already purchasing a gift for you. December is an absolutely hugely expensive month and the time demands are huge. Besides the holiday parties many schools also have a holiday program and the kids need specific clothes for the program which may not be at all what they need to dress up for Christmas day.

I think you should go out and have the birthday you want with your husband and any other friends you may have who don’t have kids. Let the friends with kids know that they are welcome to join you but there will be no kids so you understand if they can’t make it. Then go out and enjoy yourself. Make the life for yourself that you want with the knowledge that you may need to find other friends. Your choice is fine and your wants are fine but they don’t necessarily fit with the choices and wants of your friends. You and the friends are going down different paths and they definitely take you in different directions. None of that makes anyone better or worse, just different. Assume that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have and look for friends who have similar wants and needs and abilities.