He made a 2 weeks vacation plan without me.
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Really, I am sorry. I could not stop laughing. Reliving his past? Online woman, platonic? What other BS has he been telling you? Because obviously he knows he can get away with it. I am going to use this as a new defination of gullible.
I an pretty certain about this man. I do not want this to be how things go south for us. I want to believe and trust. But i don’t believe i could feel the same again.
Stop living in LaLa land. Just because you want to trust does not mean you should. And in this case – oh please.
It sounds like he wants to “sneak in a last fling” before he “bites the bullet and settles down”. The whole thing is sketchy and would be a dealbreaker for me. # years together and he plans a solo trip to your dream trip? Then we you are hurt,he says well…I guess you can tag along later,after I have had my fun.. Just no!
I dated someone for 5 months,things seemed good, then he started talking about 3 trips he had planned over the next 18 months and he did not suggest,even casually or in passing,that I join him on even one of them…I knew right then that he was “not that into me” or not settling down anytime soon.
Honestly I think that is a dealbreaker,the damage has been done because you “don’t believe you could feel the same again” I would break it off and look for someone who fully includes you in his life…So he is wanting to go and hang with his old friends in a cool city and listen to music that you are not into and revisit his past self.
My read on that is that he wants to go to some music events and party without having to worry about his girlfriend.This could just be regarding the potential effort involved in making sure you are having fun when partying. At festivals I have seen many guys who are clearly into the music and want to dance their asses off, but instead are busy trying to keep their girlfriends happy when this sort of event and music is just not the girlfriends thing. It usually leads to them kind of hug-sway-dancing off to one side while the guy practically vibrates with repressed energy.
Or it could be that he wants to be free to check out/make out with/bang other woman. It’s pretty hard to know if this is the case, but he could go only intending to flirt, and end up doing a bunch more. I would say the chance of him cheating, even if he wasn’t planning to, is fairly high. Same goes for the internet lady friend he will be staying with.
OR he could be wanting to do some drugs during this ‘revisiting his past self’ partying. Does he have any history of using party drugs? What are your attitudes regarding party drugs? If you are quite negative about them he may have not told you about past occasions where he used them for fear of being judged. Even if you are totally fine with them, he may still feel that it will be less fun to do them if you are there. If you guys have a history of doing party drugs together and having a great time then you can definitely cross off this possibility, but otherwise it might be worth considering. Even if he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would take party drugs, his past self might have dabbled. You don’t know his old friends he is staying with, so there is clearly some parts of his history you might not be privy to. Also, under this scenario it might just be about the drugs and he genuinely has no interest in other women, but unfortunately drugs and alcohol tend to lower inhibitions, so the chance of him cheating increases.
Regardless of his reasons though, it’s really messed up for him to wait until after he’s gotten his visa and booked the trip to tell you. Its just so uncaring, and you deserve someone who will care more about you as their partner and have some basic respect for your relationship. You have been together 3 years, FFS!
Shouldn’t i understand him at least? For wanting to do things for himself?
I am too hurt and confused to make up my feelings rn.
Oh Honey no. Just no.
Look – this is someone who, if you said that he was visiting a place that you were completely uninterested in, or was meeting up with old college friends for a guys weekend – I would be like “Don’t stop him and don’t worry.” But this is mean spirited (Place you really want to go) and sketchy as hell (“past self” “online friends”).
If you think this is going to hang over your relationship – and leave a lasting hurt, then I think you should MOA.
No, this kind of behavior isn’t something you tolerate in a 3-year boyfriend, let alone try to understand and be comfortable with.
Planning a 2-week vacation to a place you desperately want to visit and not telling you about it until it’s settled: Not okay.
Wanting to relive his single days on said trip: Sketchy.
Planning to stay with a woman he met online? That’s a hard no.
