He made a 2 weeks vacation plan without me.
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There’s nothing to understand other than he wants to go back to a time in his life that did not include you. Let him stay there. This isn’t a guy’s weekend or a hiking trip with old friends. This is a trip he hid all of the planning from you. Would you do that to him? If you needed some alone time that was on the up and up would you hide it until everything was booked? Would you be staying at some random dude’s house? Come on. This is a pile of bullshit and f you weren’t so invested you would see that. In your 30s after 3 years of dating partners do not act like this unless they don’t want to be a partner. Truly.
my advise, you do the same thing. You say you always wanted to go travel to this place, made it clear, all the planning in the works, and your BF does this to you!?!?. I say keep planning this trip, but by yourself and for yourself, all alone, map out everything you want to do and just go with it. In the last few day of before departing for your trip, you drop the bomb on him and say hey I’m off to my trip see you in a few, I need to rediscover myself… The End…
Ooh, I like it. And plan the trip for the week before his so you’re their first.
In all seriousness, MOA. He’s sketchy AF. You’re buying every line he’s selling. Just no.
Whoa. This is weird. This is not at all what I was initially thinking. This could be a religious trip if they believe in past life\reincarnation and want to go to this place so bad. Are you Hindu or Buddhist (or any other religion)? Is this place a sacred place? Or is this a rave type place where people use substances and party?
Even supposing all those things were innocent, he needs to go on a no holds barred vacation to be certain of a future with you. WTF. That’s not a guy to be certain about. Not to mention, how could you be certain of him when he plans two week long vacations without telling you, staying with a woman he met online? He made this conundrum up for you to break up with him.
This isn’t a spiritual quest. This is a single man partying with a strange new woman quest.
Seriously. If someone I were dating SECRETLY planned a two week vacation to go find himself (by finding himself he meant partying and listening to music and staying with a female internet stranger), I’d laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off.
My boyfriend in college told me after he graduated, he wanted to follow a band. I broke up with him within the week.
What does the flight length have to do with him planning on banging online gal? Other than he is seriously committed to doing so.
“To make up his mind about settling down and making peace with his past”
Why are you buying this bullshit? I believe he’s going to come back to you, but the kind of soul-searching he’s describing clearly involves a fling with another woman. It’s 3 years in, he’s getting restless, so he wants to go off alone, pretend he’s single, have sex with his online “friend” and come home to a girlfeiend who has been patiently waiting for him. He wants a “what happens in x stays in x” kind of experience.
You have blinders on because you love this guy, but you need to open your eyes and listen to what he’s saying here. Are you really so afraid of losing him that you’re fine with being treated like this? He’s not worth staying with. He’s telling you that he’s not sure about committing to you and “needs” this trip to make up his mind (aka: explore what else is out there). Why do you want to be with someone who isn’t sure they want to be with you? If you stay with him through this he will learn he can cheat on you without consequences.
If you’re going to swallow his lame justification for STAYING WITH A WOMAN HE MET ONLINE, at least insist on using condoms when he gets back, until he can prove to you that he tests negative for STIs.
I think that that there are a spectrum of possibilities and they range from bad to worse. I don’t think that he is necessarily going to cheat. But it’s possible.
The *most favorable* explanation is that he is anxious to spend time away from you and he doesn’t feel like you are enough of a part of his life to need to tell you that he’s planning a two week vacation away from you. That’s not.. good and not normal for people in a serious long term relationship.
I don’t know how the rest of your relationship is, but I think that you need at a minimum to have a serious discussion about what you guys want and where you are going.
A 17 hour flight. Oh honey…you can’t be this dim.
Oops never mind, the city is very busy. All good then!
“However, this was way different as he wanted to this for him. To make up his mind about settling down and making peace with his past”
I missed this part. I think that if after three years he needs to go on a vision quest to decide whether to stay with you, you guys are not going to be a good long term match.
