He made a 2 weeks vacation plan without me.
- This topic has 88 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
You’re learning a lot about your boyfriend and none of it is good. You’ve learned that he can be highly secretive over a fairly long period of time. Planning this trip and saving for this trip took time and effort and he did all of that without you knowing a thing about it. That’s not good. In a good relationship you share the things that you are doing day to day. Shutting you out is bad. Sneaking around in his life is very bad.
Why would you be proud about him running off to spend two weeks with people he has never met over spending those two weeks with you in the same location? It makes no sense. It sounds like gaslighting.
I’m guessing he thinks he likes the online woman better than he likes you so he’s going to go meet her to see. He’s actively searching for your replacement but doesn’t want to break up until he is more sure. He’s keeping you until he finds someone he wants more. You’ll do in the meantime. If he doesn’t like her better he will come back to you but you can be sure he’ll still be searching for your replacement.
Why go through all of that. This relationship is already over on his part. He’s just finding the other woman before dumping you.
Leave him. Get it over with. There is nothing more for you in this relationship than a lot of emotional hurt and a lot of pain. Tell him his new lifestyle doesn’t make you proud but it does make you realize he is incredibly sneaky and self-absorbed and you can do better. Self-absorbed because who plans a trip for only themselves to the one place that their girlfriend has said she wants to go and does it secretly because he knows you want to go. That’s cruel and self-absorbed.
I don’t know how it would make you proud. I was proud of my stepson for being a great traveler, figuring out flight changes, etc on his own, ya know because he is a kid. I cannot think of any logical reason you should be proud of him being capable of traveling. He is gaslighting you to a pretty extreme degree.
The trip you really wanted to go on that he planned in absolute secret and didn’t tell you until it was set in stone is the problem. But the root of the problem is that he: needs to visit his past self before he can decide to move forward with you, he kept a major trip a secret, he didn’t take your feelings into consideration, he deliberately picked a place you wanted to go to and were actively planning, he tries to tell you that this trip you are upset about it supposed to benefit you (gaslighting), and he thinks it’s appropriate to go stay with some woman he’s met online during this whole shady affair.
Sure, you could ask him to cancel the trip as a ‘test’ of his feelings for you, but it a)doesn’t fix the root of the problem, and b)ignores the fact that he’s already ‘failed’ the test by doing all of the things listed above.
What more proof do you need that this guy is not thinking about you, taking your needs into consideration, and currently isn’t sure he wants a future with you.
Respect yourself. You deserve better. You can do way better.
I repeat what I and others have said-this is not a good relationship,guy etc. You seem very passive and willing to believe he has benign or good intentions when he is a secretive,sneaky guy. Please just tell him the whole thing is hurtful,unacceptable and not something you can recover from knowing-therefore you wish him a good trip,but you can no longer have a relationship,you are breaking it off. Good luck,and sorry!
You can give him an ultimatum but only if you can lan to follow through. If you think for one moment that if he went on this trip that you would figure out how to be OK with it or work it out, then it’s not an ultimatum.
I think if you pull that trigger be prepared for a life time of regret; he will make you feel guilty and will resent you for stopping his vision quest (there is no better term here).
“Make you proud?” That’s a curiously odd sentiment? How exactly would you be proud? Why? His thinking here is just kinda flat out bizarre. I dunno. Left field thought here, but… Is he on the spectrum perhaps? Everything just seems a little… off.
even if he doesn’t stay at some random online girls house, who in the right mind will travel to a new country and stay at some random guys house he met online???? makes no fucking sense, he’s been planning this trip with fucking some online chick deff or some online men.
