“I Can’t Get Over That My Wife Had Sex Before We Met”
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“Swinging is so ’70s.”
There are a surprising number of people with open marriages and I’ve often seen it discussed without condemnation as advice for people with sexless marriages. I don’t know if it’s happening more or if the Internet has just made it easier to discuss anonymously but it’s definitely out there.
My wife and I, who are pretty conservative people (culturally not politically) know several people in open marriages.
I do not think that the LW should request an open marriage. Just commenting on the practice.
This guy isn’t describing a sexless marriage. He’s feeling shortchanged because he didn’t get to bang a bunch of chicks before getting married. While he can TRY to open up his marriage, there is the very real risk his (pregnant and vulnerable) wife will take that as a sign that their marriage is over.
I would probably have to walk away if my husband asked me if he could go out and screw other women because I would feel so horribly inadequate. I realize I’m not everyone. But I’m not the only one would feel that way, either.
I agree with Northern Star. There’s no indication that his wife would be interested in an open marriage. They’ve only been married for 6 months, and presumably they vowed to be faithful. I doubt very much if this newlywed, pregnant woman is sitting around wishing she could sleep with other men. Suggesting swinging at this point would probably mean the end of the marriage, which doesn’t sound like what the LW wants.
He’s feeling shortchanged because he didn’t get to bang a bunch of chicks before getting married.
I always thought the crux of his problem was that maybe his wife sat him down to have the ‘I need you to do this in bed…’ or “I’m not sexually satisfied…’ talk.
I think he took that as a critique of his skill in bed instead of it being an open honest conversation where his wife was trying to get her sexual needs met at home.
The whole if-she-hadn’t-slept-with-other-men thing feels like a smokescreen for his insecurities, to me. Because if she hadn’t slept with those other men then she wouldn’t be able to articulate her sexual wants, she’d just suffer in silence and he could pretend everything was fine.
I completely agree, CJ. That’s what I was thinking too. Early in their relationship, or maybe throughout, she’s giving direction and he feels like sex~ should be naturally good and since it’s not he’s behind.
Sex with every single person is different. Instead of feeling like you’re behind, maybe try see sex as an adventure with your wife. There’s a good chance that no previous experience would have helped you ~naturally have great sex with your wife. And if you feel like you can’t articulate your needs because you’ve never had a comparison, then you need to realize that you too can tell her what feels good and what doesn’t.
I am fairly confused by the recent responses. Did I miss something? The letter is about his jealousy over his wife having been with other men, not about him wanting to sleep around of being sexually unsatisfied.
“But the problem is I just can’t get over the fact that I didn’t have a sexlife before her, and she did before me.”
Oh thanks @ron. I even reread and missed that. Brain is mush today.
I understand you bro. I’m single man who never had a girlfriend or a wife and I’m 30. I’m atheist of Armenian decent, from Glendale CA. I sympathize with you because I too place very high value on virtues like family honor, pride and purity when women find those qualities childish and worthless. Narcissistic and hedonistic women only care about pleasure and divisible asset, that is why “they” don’t care and we men do. If you are anything like me, is that you are a man that lives by a code, the honor code. Now at this age instead accepting women’s “get over it” manipulation, to further advance their irresponsible lifestyle by downplaying their their immorality, I chose to stay true to my code. I will never marry, because I don’t find any woman is worthy for me to make part of my family. I hope you find a way to cure your pain. You dont need seek validation from the society, because modern society has transgressed into complete worthless vanity. Do what you find is right, irregardless how much shaming belittlement undermining the society, women, religion, government and media pressures you with. 1 right is stronger than 1000000s wrongs. It’s the best decision for my neverborn children too, because this world is not worth for my neverborn children to walk on. As for feminists commentators, I don’t care of your comments opinions or beliefs. MGTOW
Believe me, George, the women of the world are all just devastated that you don’t want to marry us.
What a shame my hedonistic lifestyle has rendered me impure for a catch such as yourself.
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