I can't make big decisions – how do I know he's "the one"?
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For 39 he sounds godawful. I’d expect some of the social media stuff from a petulant teenager but coming from someone only a year older than me it’s very jarring and should be a huge red flag. I’d be wondering if he wants you out of sorts in a new city so you become more dependent on him and less likely to push back on some of his more egregious personality traits. That’s often how the shitty ones hook you in…
Let me tell you the most I ever have said to my husband about his social media. “Hey babe, I sent you something funny on Facebook”. The end. He does in fact sound controlling. And immature.
As someone else said, moving in/starting a family with someone really needs to be a ‘hell yes!’. This guy is damn near 40 and throwing tantrums over a phone call and social media?! HELL NO. Run! He sounds like a controlling asshole who’s trying to trap you.
The yelling about talking to a friend and the social media demands are both red flags. It would be okay to ask you, with a nice voice, if you could call her back when the two of you weren’t eating together. It would be your choice whether you continued the call or not.
Demanding the social media post is his way of trying to put his stamp on you. He is demanding that you announce to the world that the two of you are together. He wants to make sure all the guys know you are taken. I personally don’t care whether my husband posts pictures of me on Facebook or not. I have nothing to prove to anyone. Your boyfriend sounds possessive and controlling. Neither is good for you.
Abusive people get married because they manage to be nice most of the time but the signs are there if you are watching.
Yikes. I would agree it’s kind of rude to talk on the phone when you’re spending one on one time with someone, but he comes across as a jerk. He yelled at you for that! That’s not normal. He sounds pretty mean and controlling.
Don’t quit your job and move in with him. Please use birth control.
I have to say that he sounds… eh… let’s just say this: trustb me, you can do better. The phonecall thing is so overblown and bratty on hus part. Again, remembet, at 28 — you’re the catch. He should be trying to wow you not cow you. Dump his ass. Pronto.
DUMP HIM! I moved for a guy maybe 8 years ago, and he had showed maybe two red flags like this. I moved to be with him and once he had me isolated and dependant (it was too expensive of an area to live on my own), he started heavily drinking and yelling/blowing up at me for 0 reason. I once got berated for using the bathroom at a restaurant and leaving him alone at the table. Do not let this man trap you with a baby you don’t want.
This part jumped out at me… “leave the shit already, stop talking to her”.
I’m getting married in 9 days and I can’t imagine my soon to be husband talking like that to me ever! I’ve actually taken a call like that in the past mid date with him and instead of using profanity and being rude he just calmly said ‘hey I understand you’re excited to talk to Bri but do you mind catching up with your friends after your date? I felt like you were blowing me off by taking the call for so long”. The social media demands too freak me out too…
LW I’m sure this guy has some great qualities but with his rudeness/meanness and your ambivalence about giving up everything to go be with him… IDK. You can definitely find someone kinder that you’d be more excited to make a life with. Good luck…
Not cheating on you is setting a super low bar. That should be a given. You can do better, I know it.
If you’re having so many doubts he is certainly not the one. I know it’s not what you want to hear but it’s true. Real pure love does not make you doubt. In fact, when it is healthy, true love, it does the complete opposite. It empowers you. Don’t settle.
