Yeah, there’s a lot of red flags happening here. It’s quite possible your family has a very valid reason for disliking this man, though it’s possible they might have an unfair bias. It’s hard to figure out with the information presented here.

What I don’t see is what the hurry is. You say
“I want to go but can’t face my parents. If I go I have to get engaged to him. They don’t want to hear about engagement and my dad doesn’t know anything about him yet.”

Why do you have to be engaged?

The bottom line is this: If what you say is true and you two are truly meant to be together, then the timeline doesn’t actually matter. Whether your engaged now or two years from now, whether you marry a month from now or 10 years from now, if this relationship is truly built to last it will work out.

So slow down. Listen to what your family has to say. Come back and share what their objections are and we can discuss where to go from there.

Also, I just want to point out: You’re ready to leave your family, your friends, your job, and your entire life to be with him so he can go work in Nigeria. But he’s not willing to pass up a job to be with you? This doesn’t seem like a balanced relationship.

Bloodymediocrity makes a great point.

He won’t give up a job for you but you will sacrifice everything? This is not a relationship of soulmates.

I’ve been happily with my husband for 14 years and I am certain he’s the one for me, but I wouldn’t say I love everything about him. He has flaws – we all do. That’s part of being human. He’s been honest with me about his flaws from the start. If you aren’t seeing flaws, if you think everything about your guy is perfect, then you aren’t seeing clearly. You don’t have to be a perfect person to be perfect for each other. But you do need to be aware of each other’s flaws and how they affect your relationship, and how both the good and the bad mesh and be able to see that the good vastly outweighs the bad. And 4 months just isn’t enough time to be able to accurately measure that. It’s long enough to know that you love what you know about him so far, but not long enough to know him deeply. So I would tread carefully here if your family are so adamantly concerned and slow down a bit. What specifically is upsetting your family about him? You’re being very vague, and I don’t think that’s serving anyone.

I’ve found that the best way for family to come around and see your relationship positively is for them to have lots of time to observe you two as a couple and see for themselves, again and again, that you two try to make each other happy. That you treat each other with grace and consideration and loving care. If they repeatedly see that, they are more likely to come around. So if you want to fight for that have him keep coming around, let them see the health and joy you two bring each other. Let them see that he cares about your well being as much as they do.

I’m concerned about his response to your family situation. Your family doesn’t like him. Rather than staying and trying to get to know them more and maybe negate some of that first impression, he’s decided to move far away and have you follow and move away from your family. That’s…a very concerning reaction. That should give you pause. That’s the kind of thing a dangerous, abusive man would do.

You’ve been so vague about what negatives they’re seeing that I can’t tell if he’s showing warning signs of being dangerous. So I’m going to go ahead and post this list of warning signs of an abusive relationship. You can look over it for yourself and see if any more of these are things your family is bringing up. If he has multiples of these signs, you are better off ending the relationship.

PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT — Comes on strong, claiming, “I’ve never felt loved like this by anyone.” An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
JEALOUS — Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because “you might meet someone”; checks the mileage on your car.
CONTROLLING — If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS — Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
ISOLATION — Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of “causing trouble.” The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES — It’s always someone else’s fault if something goes wrong.
MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS — The abuser says, “You make me angry” instead of “I am angry,” or says, “You’re hurting me by not doing what I tell you.”
HYPERSENSITIVITY — Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN — Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.
“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE DURING SEX — Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.
VERBAL ABUSE — Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation or waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
RIGID EXPECTATIONS — Demands that you serve, obey and remain at home.
SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS — Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
PAST BATTERING — Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person “made” him (or her) do it.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE — Says things like, “I’ll break your neck” or “I’ll kill you,” and then dismisses them with, “Everybody talks that way,” or “I didn’t really mean it.”