I started crying and he said "Oh god!!"
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I cried once at work. I was working shift-work at the time, and there was an active rapist (or rapists) in the area. They had a van, would drive up to a woman walking alone down the street at night, grab her, and drive away. She’d be found days later, left on a street somewhere, tied, naked and drugged. It had happened literally 3 times already on this road that I had to walk down to get home. I was terrified.
I went in and asked my manager if I could not be given the late shift (ended at 8pm) until this rapist stopped acting in our area so that I wouldn’t be walking alone in the dark down that street. He said it wouldn’t be fair to the others because then they’d have to work the late shift more often. I just started crying. Like, I was at very high risk of being targeted by this rapist. It wasn’t just a general fear of rapists, I was exactly the right target. There was no other way for me to get home. I couldn’t afford a car, I couldn’t afford a taxi every day, there was no bus that went that way, and there was no alternate route because I had to cross a highway and I had to go over this bridge. And the bridge is where they liked to grab women because there’s nowhere for them to run to.
Anyway, I started crying and I ran out of his office because I didn’t want him to see me crying. But then one of my coworkers saw me in the bathroom and asked what was going on, so I told her. She told everyone else and they unanimously decided to work out how to switch the shifts around so I’d be safe. I still can’t believe my manager thought it was more “fair” to put one of your employees at a high risk of rape, than to ask other employees to work a couple of extra late shifts. He could have at least asked. It still pisses me off how he handled that. So yeah, I fucking cried and I don’t care if it was “unprofessional”.
If someone cried at work all the time, I’d find it unprofessional. Rarely, there’s nothing wrong with it. I’ve cried at times like when I found out my dad was in the hospital or when my mom put her cat to sleep. Usually only one or two other coworkers were around and were sympathetic.
I’ve never cried at work but I don’t consider it completely taboo. However i did manage someone who did in the worst way. She was under performing, I would have discussions with her in private because she was not pulling her weight. She would become hysterical and I would wait for her to pull herself together and she just couldn’t. I’d leave and tell her to take some time to pull herself together. A few minutes later, she’d then come back to the team room where we all sat almost on top of one another and just cry. And sniffle. And cry. Highly unproductive and disruptive.
Eventually the higher ups thought that I just was over reacting or must be doing something to cause these reactions from her. They brought in another manager to help manage her. This manager took her out of the room for coaching and came back in white as a ghost and said to me “She’s just hysterical, I don’t know what to do. Can you help?” Slight vindication. She didn’t last much longer at my organization.
I cried in front of my boss last July. I’d been at my company for a couple months, we’d had a lot of turnover during that time (like half of my team), and I’d had a bunch of new work dumped on me with little instruction. Sure, I’d made some mistakes, but I was still so new and I was trying. So when he dragged me into the office to harp on a mistake and demanding to know why some things hadn’t been done on projects I’d been managing for like three days, I just burst into tears. Because I was so overwhelmed, and I was really trying!
A few months later, he dragged me into his office again because some entry-level girl on our team claimed I was a demeaning bully toward her. And my boss didn’t look into the situation — just assumed I was wrong — and I ALMOST cried again, but out of frustration because I think he’s a shitty manager, because he only cared about one side of the conflict. And when he could see I was getting upset, he rolled his eyes and told me NOT to get upset. And I told him, no, this time I’m angry and defensive.
I avoid him to the best of my ability now, and I think he avoids me, too. I’m determined to never cry in front of him again. Luckily, he can’t seem to keep this team together — his turnover rate is something like 70% in under a year, and a recent addition to my team quit after two weeks! — so I feel way less like I have no power in the relationship.
A friend of mine cries regularly at work because of her boss, and I’m so horrified for her. This is her first “real” job, and she’s always telling me the ways her boss has wronged her and how she’ll cry about it, and good grief. Her boss had to set her up with a workplace therapist of sorts (where she, her boss, and the “therapist”) meet to discuss workplace challenges, and I know HR has been involved. I know she’s like me and struggles with her emotions, but guuuuurl gotta get it under control.
I once had a boss who bragged about making everyone cry. I can’t comprehend being proud of that.
I have told two separate friends on two separate occasions: Crying at work is not normal. Crying after work is not normal. If you are crying on a regular basis because of work it is time to look for a new job.
I do not feel good about making someone cry at work. But I was not unreasonably harsh or cruel, she simply could not accept criticism.
I worry it may be becoming more common / “normal” among millennials? Don’t get me wrong, I’m really impressed with most of the younger people I work with, but if you read Askamanager and stuff, you hear about these kids whose parents drive them to their interviews, wait in the lobby, call their bosses to negotiate on their behalf or ask them to go easy on them. They’re not as tough as we were. Maybe they didn’t grow up just fighting it out with little supervision. This young guy I work with, I have a great, close relationship with, I think he’s awesome, I’ve helped him behind the scenes to get promotions and raises. He’s never seen me mad, but one day when he and I and another 20-something were in a conf room alone and they were all freaking out about the acquisition and I was giving them advice and should have eaten like an hour ago and was kind of cranky, I was like, “guys! You’re not getting it.” And they were both like OMG scared shitless. I wasn’t even mad, just hangry. It makes me think it’s tougher for younger people to take criticism or deal with personalities that aren’t like, “everyone gets a trophy!”
Other than the Redrover’s tale of the big bad rapist and her long dangerfilled walks to and from work (uphill both ways, I have no doubt) not a one of these reasons for sobbing away at you desk seems very merited. Good lord, you’d all have DIED after some of the shit I’ve dealt with at work…
I have a friend at work whose son was going for an interview and she was going to drive him. I told her to absolutely not go into the building with him. She was going to go in and sit in the lobby of the office where he was interviewing. She asked other people for advice and everyone told her the same, don’t go in. I told her if he is mature enough to hold the job he is mature enough to go to the interview by himself and if he can’t go by himself they would have to question whether he can handle the job. He is actually very competent and is now a great employee but I think it would have hurt him to show up with his mom.
@Kate – My friend with the crying problem admits she has a hard time taking criticism from her boss. She says it reminders her of her parents making her feel like she’s not good enough. And it’s like, yeah, I’ve cried, too, but it wasn’t from being criticized — it was because I was overwhelmed and I thought my boss was being unreasonable under the circumstances, NOT because I’m overly-sensitive to feedback.
