Is my GF an addict?
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Hey, you asked her if she had anything else to tell you and she said no. So, if you confront her with “Your sister says you’re a drug addict, possibly a recoverying addict, but definitely a cocaine and heroine addict,” and she says “no, that’s a silly, spiteful lie from my sister” — I think we all know that you still won’t believe her. Your trust is gone, if you ever really trusted her — and all based upon a phone call from an estranged sister — because you admit you have no other remotely convincing evidence to say your gf is an addict.
That is why this is not black and white. As I said-there are reasons to believe it could be true. Is it a betrayal to not dismiss it out of hand?
Again, if it was my husband, it would be black and white. Easily. I know him, I trust him, I know he’s not a drug addict. I could absolutely dismiss that out of hand. I’d also have no qualms going to him and and saying “Hey I heard this. Thought you should know what I heard.”
That you couldn’t those things says you do not trust her. Why can’t you trust her? Maybe you don’t trust her because it’s true and you know it. Maybe you don’t trust her for other reasons and this incident is just revealing that.
I don’t know that you’re betraying her by having doubt. But doubt you have, and you don’t seem to be willing to just…deal with it and talk with her forthrightly.
At this point, I don’t think there’s anything she can do or say to make you trust her, because you went in not trusting her.
If everything was hunky-dory before today, you wouldn’t have been thrown by this.
Well,call me crazy-but even if Julie says she was an addict and did not tell me-I can probably deal with that. I did not yet tell Julie all that her sister said but I will and she will deal with it one way or another. Can’t do anything about this until we talk. and I have already said it will be a couple days.
Tired of trying to explain everything. I hope our relationship survives this and am sure it probably will, as we have dealt with many issues and have stayed strong.
I will post a brief update when we talk. I will stop commenting now.Well,here is the update. Drama level : zero. I told Julie what was said-she dismissed it as outright bullshit-we talked a bit more of it,in detail and that was that. Julie is very angry with her sister and hates her,but that is nothing new. Now,I understand much more about exactly why that is so. Julie addressed all of the claims ( their were more than just the drug ones) and I believe all I have been told by Julie.
I am still of the opinion ( even if the claims had been true) that Julie’s sister should never have contacted me and “warned me” etc. It really was none of her business-especially as she knew/knows nothing about our relationship.
Anyway our relationship is solid and all is well-and I am relieved. Julie was not angry with me in the least or thought I was disloyal etc.Did you tell her you went to a third party to talk about it?
Good for you. Maybe next time you should talk to your gf first…
I had time to think, even though the wait to talk to Julie was hard. I am actually glad in retrospect that I did not tell Julie everything right away. I had time to calm down and so did she.
Talking to MY sister ( the person I confided in) helped me to get my mind around the whole thing.) Maybe not the best move ,some think,but I don’t regret it,in this situation.
I will not ever ” discuss” ( she talked,I listened) anything about Julie or our relationship with her sister again.
I did tell Julie,at the outset of the call,everything else the sister said except the drug use. I also told Julie that her sister wanted me to keep all she told me a secret from Julie. Julie is now wondering if her sister has told these lies to others lately,including Julie’s children-as they have been acting distant.
So,that is that…
Hah. WhatEVER. At any rate, please, Please, PLEASE don’t be an idiot. Do NOT — I repeat — do NOT buy a house together. Oh, and condoms, Condoms, CONDOMS! In other words… Slow your roll, as I still strongly suspect you presently suffer from delusional wishful thinking…
Another case of, hey y’all, am I overthinking this or is my S/O an addict/abuser/jerk? everyone: “something’s really wrong here.” LW: “Thanks for the input, everyone! We had literally one conversation and it’s all good! Buying that house now.”
Yep. And EVERYONE is out to get the poor, hapless significant other. Her sister, her children… why, it’s a some big vast conspiracy! But fear not, says the LW. Our special love shall triumph and somehow prevail.
Mock and be skeptical-as you will/have. Have also gotten really negative comments and advice on problems that I have posted here before. Done,in the end,what I figured was right and all worked out.
This may lead some ,I am sure to ask why I would even ask a question here in the first place? Because I like to think and see other sides of an issue and think about it -and admittedly get stressed at first with something just thrown my way. I am not a devious person and negative and devious thinking is not something I understand.
Perhaps the snarky answers and judgments I have gotten from some here just help confirm that I should do the opposite-lol. Anyway,though negative and untrue assumptions were made by commenters-I still am glad for the feedback. Thanks!And BGM-for everyone that ,like you, think I am a big fool and Julie is pretending to be a hapless victim but is not innocent of any charges-I have people telling me that I am an a-hole and disloyal and mistrusting for not just instantly dismissing the sister’s claims. LOL
Look, if I were your gf, I would be so pissed that you’re telling all these people (irl) that her sister called you to tell you she’s an addict. I wouldn’t air someone’s dirty laundry like that. Someone mentioned this before, and you were like, “she doesn’t know.” Well great, you’re telling everyone her business behind her back.
LOL.
