Is this man interested in me?
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What? I’m not saying it’s comparable. Just disagreeing with the statement that people always like who they’re dating.
As someone who started dating late, it’s not unusual for men who haven’t dated much to not have a good sense for when to make the first move or not have a lot of confidence about doing so.* If you otherwise like him and enjoy your dates I’d give it some time, maybe send him some signals, hold his hand, initiate some physical contact etc. You could also smooch him too and see how he responds.
If you don’t want to do deal with this crap or you’d like someone who has more initiative on the physical side, that’s certainly your prerogative. As others have noted, it’s possible that he’s gay or uninterested in you physically or something else. But if you are generally enjoying yourself with him and he otherwise seems interested, you might give it some more time and give him some encouragement.
*I still get deeply deeply embarrassed thinking about how clueless when I was younger. When I was in my early-mid 20s I had a girl invite me in to watch a movie *on her bed* and it didn’t occur to me that she didn’t want to do anything other than watch a movie and was confused for a while about why she never returned my calls after what seemed like a fun date.
I agree about making a move first. I do not agree with an earlier comment that it sets a precedent of you having to do everything. If he’s wondering, perhaps, whether you are into him, then this solves that problem and he may be more confident in the future. If you make a move and then he still doesn’t make any of his own, then you can move on. I think it’s a little premature to wait around, do nothing, and then write him off. I think a lot of people also THINK they are coming across as more obviously interested than they are.
I think you should make the move. At the end of the night, say how you feel and straight up ask him if you can kiss him. I’ve done this before and guys have found it really endearing. It shows you have respect and confidence.
Well he just told me he isn’t “feeling it” I actually think he’s not over his ex yet. As when we talked about things he kept referring to him and her as “we” even though I know they are not together. Least I know now. But I seem to be repelling men so much these days. What is wrong with me?? I mean I know I’ve put a little weight on over the years but would that really be a turn off.
Nothing is wrong with you! A lot of people jump right into dating sites after a breakup or divorce, before they’re anywhere near ready to date, and they waste other people’s time.
Now you know so you don’t need to waste any more energy on thinking about this. It really isn’t you, if anything you should be patting yourself on the back for picking up that something wasn’t really on track here. It’s always good to listen to your gut and you sorted this pretty quickly. Generally speaking guys won’t leave you wondering when they’re serious about you. Even the awkward ones might bumble but they make it clear.
Meaning, the dating won’t go anywhere. The people themselves will go somewhere else, either by your choice or theirs.
So in my experience, if I haven’t kissed a guy by the third or maaaybe fourth date, it’s not going anywhere.
