It’s time for her to meet his parents
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Tina; it’s not the female friend that’s messed with your marriage and caused conflict, it’s your husband. She couldn’t do a damn thing if he hadn’t willingly invited her in. You really need to stop dancing around the real issues here.
agree with Leslie. Also, don’t cover for him, with his parents, you are not the one who is doing this; just don’t; this is already making you sad and depressed, and covering for his shitty, shitty behaviour will only make you feel worse.What does he think he is; a king from the restoration period flaunting his new mistress? What a heel.
Your husband knows that you can’t go then. He’s chosen that date to manipulate this situation – he doesn’t want his wife along when he introduces his mistress to his family, but he’ll still be able to say you “know about it”. And he can rely on your unwillingness to directly tell his parents how this had made your marriage suffer so that it will look like you tacitly approve what he’s doing, and are in a mutually accepted open marriage. No matter what you say to his parents about not going, he’s going to present the situation when he and his mistress meet with them to make it look like you are providing a stamp of approval on his and the mistress meeting his parents as a couple – without you. He’s getting more serious with his mistress by doing this step, and bringing her even further out into the open. You not going to meet them is going to make it even clearer that you are no longer the primary partner to him – she is.
But this is a damned if you do, damned if you don’t type of situation. Even if you go, the family is going to start realizing that you and he are no longer in a monogamous marriage anymore. Your husband is openly bringing his mistress further into his life. You no longer have a choice of having a happy, monogamous relationship with your husband. It’s leave, or accept that everyone you know is eventually going to think you are willingly in an open marriage. The time when you could pretend to your and his family and friends that he isn’t having this affair is ending with this meeting.
I bet that the mistress’ partner is unable to make it to the beach also. The Husband and the mistress are planning on being there alone.
What family is ever interested in meeting the mistress? No. Seriously. This whole letter is 100 percent pure b.s.
Some of you are missing the fact that the parents are oblivious and think their son is the messiah. He’s going to introduce them to his “friends” and they’re going to go along with it just like Tina does. Families’ protection of their sons runs disturbingly deep.
I definitely know of a few sets of parents who could not and would not believe their child was anything but perfect. They blamed the spouse when finding out their precious baby cheated, drove the kids around while oxy-ied up to their eyeballs, lost their job, you name it. (three different people – not one gigantic mess of a human).
I’ve never been a huge fan of living in denial, but I can see the appeal.
Ok so turns out good parents will be at a retirement party that day and won’t be back until late that night so there will be no meeting with the parents. Something tells me he knew that when planning this.. he wants to show off his parents toys. While they aren’t there.
The boyfriend took the day off work.Also today he said he was going into work and I had a guy feeling. I drive by her house and his car was there. I know he has been wanting to deliver her birthday gift to her (he spent $70 on her gift and he has never done that for anyone!!). I worry that he is lying not because of sex but because he wants to avoid me getting angry and having a problem with him going over there. He is lying to “avoid a fight”.
Thoughts? Still not covinced it’s an affair.
My thoughts are still that your self-delusion is destroying your life and any chance of happiness.
And also marveling that someone could get to be 30-something years old with a job and never have spent $70 on a gift for someone. He sounds like a real prize.
No, he didn’t lie to avoid a fight. He was there having sex with his girlfriend, whom it sounds like he cares a lot about. He buys her nice gifts (for him, anyway, $70 is fucking cheap), and wants her to know what his family is like. What about this situation leads you to believe this is only an emotional, and not a physical, affair? Because he says so? You literally just caught him lying.
Tina – a few days ago I left my home and walked away from a husband who hasn’t been treating me well the past 6 months. I’m not sure if the break is permanent, but I can tell you I feel like an elephant is off of my chest. Was it hard? Hell yes. It was gut wrenching. But no matter what the next steps are I know I am better off because I will never, ever feel the way I felt the last 6 months again. And that was 6 months. You have been doing this for YEARS. I literally cannot imagine it. But I know the terrible feeling of desperately wanting someone to treat you better and the fear of what leaving will mean. I am here to tell you in real time that GETTING OUT IS SO WORTH IT. It’s awful, it’s scary, I am homesick and everything is messy and hard. But I am also relieved, relieved, relieved. I could sing with the joy of it. My days don’t involve someone else mistreating me. Instead of worrying and dreading it I am getting through it and I can finally see brighter things ahead. I hope you can find the strength to do the same – you will not regret it.
