Kid’s Birthday Party Etiquette
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Every kids party I’ve been to was a drop off party, except for under 5s, and I’ve never heard that term before. Must be an American thing?
A couple of hours is all kids need for a birthday party so she may be happier leaving her child for a period of time with a known start and end. The last time she was over seemed awkward for both of you so definitely give her jobs to do if she’s hanging about. Sometimes I want to be helpful at other peoples houses ( I’m super socially awkward so would much rather be prepping food or washing up) but it’s not always clear how.
Is wanting to stay with your six year old really “needy?”
Is poking fun and suggesting cameras to a bunch of people who are saying they were actually molested as children at other peoples homes funny? I seriously am shocked at this post and the comments.
It’s a six year olds party. It’s one extra mom. There’s a start and an end time. Is it really going to hurt to let this women sit in your home for two hours?
I feel the same way annoymousse. If you’re OK opening your house to a bunch of kids and some select moms, why is it a big deal if one more mom stays? Op sounds offended that this woman doesn’t automatically trust her (her dislike of the woman is obvious). My parents trusted the family of the kid who molested me. They also trusted the family of the kid who taught me to smoke. Parents were more hands off back then which is why I’ve decided to be more hands on. We’re talking about 6yos! Who can’t judge for themselves if they’re in a risky situation
My son was a very shy kid. In our social circles, drop off parties started at about 6 years old (I’m not in the US). My son would have totally refused to go alone until he was 8. He’s neurotypical, and he has one really close bestie and a few friends he likes to hang out with, but when he was that age, he really didn’t enjoy noisy, rowdy parties in strange places. The first time he stayed alone at a drop off party, it was the party of his best friend. My son already knew the parents, and had been to his house before.
But when he was 6 and 7, he wouldn’t have stayed at a party if I’d just dropped him off there. Instead all the parents were very understanding about why I was there, and I either made myself useful by helping out with games, or cleaning up, or whatever, or with those who insisted they didn’t want any help, I just sat in a corner and played on my cellphone and tried to make myself as invisible as possible. If I was lucky, I got a slice of birthday cake as well.
I’m in an area where it’s still reasonably safe for kids to roam, the standard expectation for kids who don’t have any special needs is that they’ll get themselves to and from school on their own, in urban areas on public transit rather than special buses provided by the school, from about age 10 onward. Some manage it a lot earlier than that. Kids can get their own bus tickets from age 7 onward, which means that they’re allowed to get on the bus without an adult. Kids start in 1st grade in the year they turn 7, and my bestie’s daughter, who was born in November, literally counted down the days to her 7th birthday so that she could get on the bus and go to school without one of her parents going with her. (But yeah, a dumb cellphone is a standard school starter’s gift here, and there are very cheap cellphone plans available specifically intended for young kids. Parents pay less than 2 euros per month for the kid to be able to call their parents if the bus doesn’t come, or something, so they’re affordable for the vast majority of parents.)
I don’t think you can tell her she’s not allowed to stay without coming across as rude, especially because you’re having other parents stay. I get that they’re travelling from far away, but if this whole thing was just about wanting the event to be kids only, you would be sending that couple to go see a movie or hit up a museum.
It’s pretty obvious that the issue is that you just don’t like this woman. Why? If she’s a racist homophobic outspoken flat earther who insist on chain-smoking cigars indoors or something then I get it, but if she’s just not your people then I think the adult thing to do is suck it up and tell her that’s fine. Your concern about entertaining her is a red herring – she’ll be watching her kid most of the time, there will be other adults there she can chat with, and you can definitely give her jobs to do, including clean up tasks.
If you insist she can’t stay, be prepared for her to decide she’s not comfortable sending her child to the party. That would suck for both her child and yours, but honestly, if I didn’t know you well and wanted to stay, and you told me I couldn’t, I’d find that off-putting and red-flaggy and would definitely feel weird about leaving my kid with you.
At that age, a parent staying isn’t an unreasonable request. But you don’t have to go out of your way to entertain her, or if you were at a venue, buy her a ticket.
The problem seems more to be that she outstays her welcome. Is there a chance she’s awkward and/or lonely and just didn’t pick up on social cues to leave last time? Either way, getting guests to leave is a valuable life skill. There are lots of tricks. You ask them if you can get their coat for them, you say “wow, it’s getting late,” you ask if they remember where they parked, you hand them a goodie bag and walk to the door, and if all else fails, you say kindly “You know what? It’s been great, but little Cuthbert is going to need some alone time or he’ll be a wreck tomorrow. Let’s call it a day.”
Actually, Kate…
NINETY-FIVE PERCENT of all children molested are molested not by a stranger but rather by somebody they know or trust.
That’s exactly what I said. They’re getting molested by family members or friends at home. Where birthday parties happen. By older kids or whoever. You felt like you had intimate knowledge of this topic to say where it does and doesn’t happen. Yes, it does happen at other kids’ houses, and theoretically that could be at a party.
Someone they mistakenly trust, Mark…Like a friend’s parents, or a neighborhood kid, or their parents, or a clergyman, teacher, coach, family friend.
Somehow arguing with real victims about percentages and statistics is not that shocking coming from you. Do you also know that most people (let alone children) never report anything? I was molested numerous times over my childhood. Ive been assaulted as an adult. Not all kids have the words for what happened. Not at all adults want to be subjected to the invasive criminal justice system. I still haven’t even told my parents what happened to me. I am not in your statistics, and I can tell you probably a high percentage never, ever report.
Spreading joy this holiday season, as always Mark!
I just hate to see people spreading disinformation. Whatever. You always have to be right< Kate. Which is hilarious ironic.
Mark, do you ever read what you are actually arguing and think, what the fuck am I trying to say? I bet my kids have a higher risk of being exploited or abused at a strangers home than you do of getting the virus, but you still wear a mask, don’t you? Imagine caring for something that you may or may not have created yourself that’s alive and not wanting anything bad to happen to it. It’s unlikely at a party, but not impossible. Who knew children’s birthday parties was such a hot button topic for a childless gay man.
Like statistically, only family friends and neighbors abuse other kids so this neighborhood woman should trust them because you’ve done the math for her and it’s highly unlikely her child will be molested? That’s your argument on why letting this mother, whose parented a child through nearly two years of a pandemic that has crushed mothers especially hard, should be asked to leave when other parents are staying?
