@Kate – I don’t see the problem as helpless as you do. I get the feeling that this is that quiet but pervasive voice that depression or other MH issues whisper “it will all be easier if…” “Everyone will be happier if…”

You’re right in that everything he’s saying is tactical. And that to me sounds like burnout or depression. He’s going through the motions because that’s what you do. You get up, go to work, stop work, make dinner. Do laundry. Put toys away.

That’s why I ask how will divorcing improve his life? It may, in many cases it absolutely is the right decision. But this sounds like malaise and maybe his marriage is at the root of it, but maybe all the hard things will remain the hard things and be harder because there isn’t a second adult in the mix.

I did meet with my doctor to discuss things. I took the day off of work and I got in had to wait 2 hrs, which was worth it. She thinks it is depression prescribed medication. I never thought I would be someone who struggled with depression, but the helpful individuals who pointed that out are correct. I going to get help, see a therapist (recommended by my doctors office) and I am hopeful it will changes things and move on with my life. I only wish I never posted on this site. Hurtful and attacking. Being vulnerable as a man shouldn’t make you feel ashamed, but lesson learned and some good came from it. I am sorry if I made anyone nervous, I never had suicidal thoughts or intentions. I was just reaching for help, and I realize now this is not the way to do it. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The mistakes made on the internet are eternal.

@LisforLeslie – Thank you! Your questions really got me thinking. Also I think I am a little burned out. 60+ hr weeks at work and little sleep my doctor said no wonder your a mess your equilibrium is all out of sorts. “your not superman” she said to me and i appreciate the humor. I plan to sit down and talk to my wife about my need for sleep. Probably wait on the other stuff and see what my therapist will advise, but honestly your post was most helpful. I wrote down your questions so I can really think about it. Someone told me, Never make a long-term choice based on a short term feeling. I believe that is true.

Kate —
What you said was absolutely on target and not an attack at all. His statement was a huge red flag of the sort that people who knew this is what he was thinking and knew who he was would be morally compelled to seriously consider notifying the authorities. His complaint that he “never had suicidal thoughts” was disingenuous, because that was never the issue — his possibly playing an active role in the ‘accidental’ death of his family was the issue. His ‘vulnerability’ had more than a small shade of aggression in it.

Anyway, great that he is getting help.

Beyond that, sounds like one of those cases of marrying the first nice person that comes along after you get mistreated. A mistake, probably. Just end it.

I’m sorry, I must have misread that first. Mike…why would you ever say such a thing? Actually, I don’t see suicide ideation in our post, you actually said you sometimes wish your family was dead. It’d make your life easier.

That’s really very disturbing, and is not suicide ideation. You need to be honest with the professionals treating you about exactly what you’ve been thinking. If that’s how you’ve been thinking, you may need more serious help. Plenty of people contemplate taking themselves out, it’s unusual to consider taking everyone else out but yourself. That’s not depression, and I’m getting the squirmy feeling about that like Kate was.

You don’t like staying up late? Go to bed. You don’t like the commute? Figure it out.

If these are your complaints and you are wishing that your family was dead…you need to tell someone you are thinking that way. She should know. Your doctor should know. You may need different medication.