man venting and looking for help … not sure what to do
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“I don’t think it’s normal or okay for a man to be thinking about his family that way.”
Agree, especially because it is white men in their 30s who statistically do those kinds of crimes. You and me and Leslie aren’t the demographic who has those thoughts and might actually ever act on them. Have you seen any documentary stuff about Chris Watts?
My intrusive thoughts are no one cares about me because how could anyone, when my own father abandoned me? I must be unlovable. My mortal wound of being abandoned and problems with depression will never end, I will cost my family hundreds of thousands, I’m better off, we’re all better off if I kill myself. I’ve never made a plan, threat, or anything so technically, I’ve never actually been suicidal.
I’ve never heard anyone talk about a relationship in cold clinical ways with no emotion expressed than that horrible comment he made.
He said he wanted to vent in the title, but in the comments he did not sound like he was jousting venting. Maybe it a male thing to think of doing that? I don’t know. I have never come across anyone ever saying anything like that and I’ve heard a lot. A lot. I work in a job where I hear a lot. But also, I’m no therapist, psychiatrist so I cannot say what is normal or abnormal, just that this does given me the creeps. I did take psychology courses at Tufts for fun while I was there for other stuff, so I know a little bit. Not a lot. But a little.
I mean I have heard people talk about their families like that, but they are…Chris Watts, and other white men who’ve hurt their families or kids as Kate has said.
Yes, I did watch it and I remember the case when it happened. The documentary is creepy because it’s the body cam footage of the investigation, his fake pleas for the return of his missing family. And then ultimately his confessions, after he blamed his wife first.
I get the alarm, and agree it is alarming. But I’m not going to jump from a to b because the mental health conversation is woefully lacking in transparency. Yes some awful men act on that thought. Those are the only ones we hear about. I am going to assume that other people have this thought and that 99% never harm their families. And I’m going to assume they never admit these thoughts because of the immediate link to such monsters. If a monster acted on it, then obviously only monsters think that. See how east it is to back a person into an undeserved framework?
As for health care, I’ve been on Zoloft for 30 years without seeing a psych of any sorts. This is what I need to manage. Sure I could do better. But I don’t see the benefit in putting up the medicinal barriers to health that you’re advocating.
I really don’t think many men are having these feelings that it would make their lives easier if their wives and kids died.
I think people with anxiety think about their families dying, like in a fearful way. I think a lot of people with depression think it would be easier if THEY died.
When someone says they want out of a marriage and it would be easier if the family died, that’s… not normal.
And none of us are advocating for any barriers to getting medical help or attention, where are you getting that? I think you should be able to see a doctor and get meds in as little as a day, just not sure it IS that easy.
Well, I do think someone who’s being abused might have fantasies of their spouse dying, because there’s no other way out of the relationship. And maybe there are some special circumstances here, like he’s super religious and feels there’s no way out of a marriage? Though he’s been divorced before, so idk. But having those thoughts should be a huge alarm bell and wake up call that you’re not in the right marriage and need immediate help. I really do hope he’s getting help and will be honest with the therapist.
You don’t have to jump from A to B. Kate and I think it’s alarming, you do not. We can all have different opinions and they can coexist on this forum. You asked if I’d ever had an intrusive thought. Yeah, I know what intrusive thoughts are and I’ve had them myself. I briefly worked in mental health care and went took some courses for it. I don’t work in that arena anymore but I am a person people still confide in because believe it or not, I am really friendly and approachable, a good listener and I don’t judge people. I have seen and heard most of it and dealt with a lot. I have never had
someone confide a thought like that to me, of a family. And yeah, I also understand that people don’t confess things for this very reason, but don’t you think that he did and then immediately sought help make you think maybe it’s more than an intrusive thought, Leslie?.Not one person told him he is about to murder his family. We said this is a disturbing thought and he should seek help because men do murder their families. They do! And that’s only offensive if you’re a man who thinks he should be allowed to think about murdering his family and be allowed to express that without repercussions. I think if we were a society who freely expressed more murderous or violent intent than we do now…I might actually kill myself.
And I shouldn’t joke about suicide. But people shouldn’t joke about a lot of things. I don’t know, maybe it is because there are four children involved but I think that’s the line I draw. Thinking you’re so mad you’re going to kill someone is different than thinking you’d like your family to die so you can have choices again.
But I don’t think a fleeting thought, an intrusive thought is a very different thing when spoken aloud. My professionals dissect the exact language a patient uses. He didn’t say he wished they weren’t there, or he was alone, And he needs a therapist. He does, we can’t help this and he cannot either. He needs a real professional.
I didn’t jump from a to b, I told him to seek help both times, with increased alarm at the second reading. It’s increasingly alarming for me, reading that. Through all the shit I’ve dealt with with both sets of my parents and life, I have never thought or heard anyone say anything like that.
I know I can’t hear peoples thoughts, if that was the next supposition coming. Having a thought and thinking it once and having a thought, getting online, googling advice sites, finding Wendy’s, maybe not even hers first who knows? And actually typing all that out, and hitting post is not just an intrusive thought, it’s an ask for help, which is what he asked for.
I guess like always, we can nit pick the way, you, me or Kate type anything, but I didn’t tell him he needs to be imprisoned, or that I think that, or that he is definitely a killer.
I also don’t think, get more sleep and try to work on your marriage is good advice with that statement, either. But then again, maybe lots of people frequently imagine their entire families dead and I’m just an outlier.
