What can I do if I fell in love with my teacher?
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Seriously, though, I think it’s not unusual for teenagers to fall in love with someone unobtainable. Beyond all the reasons others have identified that this relationship is impossible and immoral, you need to realize that you’ve fallen in love with a fantasy of him that you’ve created in your mind. There’s no real relationship. Try to find some boys your own age and date them. Develop other hobbies and activities to channel your obsessive energies.
Anonymousse, sadly, you are right and there are some predators out there, but I think it’s safe to say that the vast majority of teachers do not ever think of students romantically. I did mention later in my comment that if he was interested, that would be indicative of a predator, but I didn’t want to dwell too much on the possibility he could be because I didn’t want to give her false hope and/or encourage a relationship with a predator, as those who suggested contacting him when she graduates are doing.
I don’t want to add my comments to this because I don’t want the LW to misconstrue them as indicative of maybe her having a chance (I was going to mention how even if the age thing wasn’t the issue, it’s the power imbalance that likely makes it permanently impossible), but I can’t go without giving a hat tip to Fyodor for the Police reference 🙂
The song is probably a good signpost about how our thinking about these relationships has evolved solely from the 1980 view of thinking of it from the view of male perpetrator (how shall I control this illicit temptation?) to the emotional consequences to the girl/woman.
I’ve known a good amount of college professors who chose that career for the access to young, impressionable women and the nice schedule. That’s slightly different than high school students, but not much.
LW, I just want to reinforce that you’re not weird or bad for feeling the way you do. Crushes on teachers are really, really common at your age. I had a few crushes on teachers in those years; I remember being heartbroken and sobbing when I found out the biology teacher I had a crush on was transferring to a different school. Out of sight, out of mind: it faded when I didn’t see him anymore.
You’re coming up on summer break, and I’m guessing you won’t have a class with this guy next year. I bet by the fall, the crush will be gone.
I would just like to reiterate and reinforce, that while crushes on teachers in high school is not uncommon it is ILLEGAL for a teacher to date a student. Even if you are 18 years old, it is WRONG. It is the same as Harry Weinstein pressuring someone he works over for sexual favors. The power imbalance is unhealthy.
I would say it’s absolutely not okay for a high school teacher to date a student, but I wouldn’t agree a former student (or in some instances in university/grad schools) and teacher consenually dating is in the same category as Harvey Weinstein.
I agree with you that consensually dating an eighteen year old former student is not immoral in and of itself, but it’s, I dunno, ancillary to so much potential bad conduct that it’s really unwise (I know that you’re not suggesting it’s a good idea).
Like, people are going to reasonably wonder, is he grooming or cultivating these relationships while they’re students? Do we trust that this guy who is interested in 18 year-old recent graduates is also not going after his students?
Sort of like a good friend of a public couple who starts dating the husband immediately after he separates. Nothing really wrong per se, but it’s going to make people think other worse things are going on.
