Dear Wendy
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Alafair, I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling with this. I have days, like yesterday, when it feels like my body just can’t wake up. I feel heavy and sluggish all day. Buy that’s maybe once every few weeks and not all the time. I already had auto-immune issues – supposedly that makes you a little more at risk – and haven’t noticed any long-lasting issues. My eczema was really bad when I was sick in April and since maybe mid-may, it’s been almost completely cleared up.
Yeah, I wouldn’t send my kids to live in a college dorm or Greek housing this year. I think… even five months into this people still don’t really get it yet. We haven’t had to yet really contend with covid while schools and college are open and don’t know how their openings will affect transmission. We can assume case counts will go up. Maybe by a whole lot. Teachers will likely die. Maybe a lot of them. And people are still debating whether or not they should have to wear masks in public. Oy vey.
LisforLeslie, for all these reasons, I think we’re going to opt for full-time remote for our kids (in NYC, families can choose between a blended model or full-time remote). It’s not that I’m so concerned about us getting sick – although that’s not a total non-issue, obvisouly; it’s more wanting to avoid the inconsistency and straight-up chaos I predict the blended model will create. My family is luckier than many in that we aren’t as desperate for childcare (not that school is going to be a reliable source of childcare anyway). My kids will be thrilled; I am dreading it!
Yep. My good friend is making a will. Her daughters dad just died (of unrelated cancer), so fingers crossed she doesn’t lose her mom now too. This is the reality we’re in. My kids’ school already lost a teacher and several parents when covid ravaged our community. It’s not a hoax.
Missouri is really fucked up. I have friends in Missouri who are teachers and they are worried for their lives.
I’m most concerned about my kids’ psychological well-being. I don’t worry so much about covid, although it’s certainly not a non-issue; I think we’ve likely had it already but even if we haven’t, I think the kids would be fine and drew and I would likely be ok too if they brought it home. But I think I worry that being in school with all the changes and precautions and then seeing it shut down when the first positive case is announced, which will happen quickly, will be scary for them and potentially psychologically damaging. Jackson is still experiencing a lot of anxiety from our intense march and April and still talks about the teacher at his school who died. So, I worry about putting him right back into that environment. Joanie is so young she really doesn’t understand things the same way; it probably wouldn’t be as intense for her, but I think wearing a mask all day and being constantly reminded to stay away from her friends will get annoying. At the same time, all this isolation is not good for them and I worry about what it does to their emotional and social development. Also, remote learning is fucking awful.
So… I don’t know. I suspect here in New York, the decision might be made for us. I would be surprised if, after seeing what happens when schools re-open in the rest of the country, that we continue with in-person classes.
The antibody test I had was one this article mentions – created by Abbott – that detects a subtype of an antibody that wanes very quickly after the initial illness. I had had a chest x-ray at that appointment after the nurse heard something suspicion-sounding with the stethoscope. The x-ray showed marks in my lungs that suggested a recent infection. It really seems likely it was covid, but I guess I’ll never know, and it doesn’t matter much anyway since we don’t know the extent and duration of immunity. At one point, I hoped a positive antibody test would give us the protection we’d need to go visit my parents, but I think it will likely be another year before that happens. I also hoped having antibodies would make us feel more confident sending the kids back to school. The decision is fraught, as you say, A.
I thought this was very interesting, in the NYTimes today in, https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/26/world/coronavirus-live-updates.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage#link-49f19d9e:
“One of the great mysteries of the coronavirus pandemic has been the fact that many stricken people have later discovered that they don’t seem to have antibodies, the protective proteins generated in response to an infection.
[…]
But the volume of coronavirus antibodies is known to drop sharply once the acute illness ends, and it has become increasingly clear that tests may miss antibodies that are present at low levels.Moreover, some tests — including those made by Abbott and Roche and offered by Quest Labs and LabCorp — are designed to detect a subtype of antibodies that doesn’t confer immunity and may wane even faster than the kind that can destroy the virus.
But the declining antibodies indicated by commercial tests don’t necessarily mean declining immunity, several experts said.
“Whatever your level is today, if you get infected, your antibody titers are going to go way up,’ said Dr. Michael Mina, an immunologist at Harvard University, referring to the levels of antibodies in the blood. ‘The virus will never even have a chance the second time around.'”
This echoes what you’re saying, Anonymousse. Like you, I do think I had covid back in April. As Ron said, people were still getting the flu, but Drew and I both got flu shots, and while some of the symptoms were similar to influenza, some – like chest pains and shortness of breath – were not/ were much more consistent with covid. Too bad we couldn’t get tests back when we were actually sick…
Yeah, she sounds annoying for sure. Fortunately, it does sound like you don’t have to see her often and your husband doesn’t like her much either. Realistically, maybe you’ll have to deal with her 2-4 times a year in the future. My in-laws live an hour away and that’s really about as often as I see them (and I like them and we get along! And we all have kids who are cousins and love seeing each other, but life is busy, we all have other family to see and spend time with and that’s the way it goes). Drew will occasionally meet his brother halfway for dinner or they’ll go to a ballgame together, but my interaction with my in-laws is infrequent and there’s no reason your interaction with a SIL, whom your husband doesn’t even like and who will eventually not live with her parents anymore, can’t also be infrequent. And there’s no reason you need to hear about her between visits if it bothers you and stresses you out. Your husband should accommodate this request! It will make you happier and, by extension, he’ll be happier you.
Oh, ok, it sounded like you were seeing them and her more often. Since you haven’t seen them much, how do you know about all the drama – the screaming match she had with her parents, how she “keeps saying at least veritek got the wedding she wanted’”? Is it your husband who’s telling you? Tell him to stop. Tell him that the best way to keep peace and keep
You happy is for you to know as little as possible about the crazy shit she does and says. Be on a must-know basis with information about her, meaning you only want info about her that you need in order to make a decision about your own behavior (like when And where her wedding will eventually be). Everything else, including what she says about you, is just gossip and there’s no reason for it to be repeated to you. If she’s not saying it to your face, you don’t want or need to hear it. And if you aren’t heating about her and you aren’t seeing her very much, she doesn’t need to take up so much space in your head. If she IS saying nasty stuff to your face, that’s enough reason to skip the wedding and any event that would put you in her presence.
Ok, her living With them makes it harder but what if you don’t always see your in-laws when your husband does? Like, just stay home sometimes when he goes over. When my FIL was still alive, drew would go over and have dinner with him every week, but I only accompanied him maybe at the most once a month and sometimes less than that. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my FIL; we had a good relationship and we’re mutually very fond of each other. But he was drew’s dad, their relationship preceded me by many, many years. They didn’t need me around every time they got together, and I enjoyed having a little time to myself on those nights drew was with his dad. And, as amazing as I am (ha), I’m sure my FIL appreciated having his son to himself sometimes. It was good when I came along, and good when I didn’t. And in your case, maybe it’s not so good when you go along – through no fault of your own – simply bc of the tension between you and the SIL. Also, can you invite them to your place where you can be comfortable and not worry about the SIL? Also, is covid not a concern? Can that not be used as a temporary excuse to avoid so many get-togethers?
Anonymousse, I was tested for antibodies in my doctor’s office this week, too – since I was getting some other blood work done anyway – and it was also negative. Two negative antibody tests for me, one for Drew, and we were both sick in April with covid-like symptoms that were consistent with friends’ and acquaintances’ symptoms who eventually tested positive for antibodies and were also sick around the same time we were while the virus was raging through our community. We remain confused as well. Regardless of whether we did have covid that maybe didn’t have a high enough viral load to have remaining antibodies or we had something else completely, we don’t have any layer of extra protection now that I had hoped we would have. womp-womp.
