Dear Wendy
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Here you go:
“I’m a big sports fan (college and NFL football, the Florida Gators and the Seattle Seahawks) who loves playing video games, studying history (especially Tudor-era England), and cooking (I’m searching for the ultimate steak recipe. Do you have one you recommend?).
I’m very proud that I’m going back to school, pursuing a degree in Interactive Media and writing for my campus newspaper (I love writing and dream of writing a YA novel one day). I’d love to meet someone who enjoys watching sports, going out to dinner (I’m always up for pasta, Mexican, or a great steakhouse), and playing video games. And a secret wish of mine to is to go skydiving some day, but I don’t want to do it alone, so bonus if you’re someone who might want to join me and help me cross that off my bucket list. Other items on my bucket list: travel to England and France and visit all of the historical sites that I see in TV shows and documentaries; cook with my favorite chef, Chef John of the Food Wishes blog; and visit every state in the US (I’ve been to eight so far, plus DC). What’s on your bucket list?”
What I’m doing with my life
Working full-time, going to school, and watching the game.I’m really good at
Cooking! I also have a really good memory when it comes to movie quotes. [LIST A FAVORITE QUOTE HERE).Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My all time favorite show is The Tudors. I’ve seen every episode multiple times. I ALSO like: GoT; Walking Dead; and Breaking Bad.Three movies I would want if I was on a desert island: Deadpool; Goodfellas; The Women.
My two favorite musical genres are rock and metal.
Mac and cheese has been my favorite food but I think it’s about to be supplanted by carnitas tacos. [Why? Is there a place that has especially good carnitas tacos that you’ve just discovered? Do you make good carnitas tacos?]
Six things I could never do without
1. Coffee.
2. My glasses.
3. My cat.
4. Phone/laptop.
5. Books.
6. Lip balm.On a typical Friday night I am
Searching for the best carnitas tacos and watching the Gators.You should message me if
You’re looking for someone who doesn’t just tolerate sports and video games, but loves them. If you have a good steak recipe you’re willing to share. If you, too, are looking for a skydiving partner.”
I didn’t mention it in my private replies to you, but I agree with Kate about the comments on writing a book and looking for material or how everything is food for your imagination. I’d limit the whole writing a book thing to one comment. “I’m an aspiring writer,” or “A dream of mine is to write a book one day” is enough (and a detail about what kind of book would be helpful). I’d also not mention the nephew. Literally, no guy reading your profile is going to care that you have a nephew you like to talk to and play games with.
Ok, I’ve responded privately to bluegreen. I sent her my questionnaire (from which I can edit a new profile) and I made some comments about the photos I was able to see. Hopefully my advice will be taken with the good nature it’s intended.
Off the bat though, you say “just” too much – in your profile and in your communication here. It comes off as almost apologetic or like you’re downplaying your value. “This is just a start…” “I’m just this” “I just do that…” It’s a little thing, but it sends a message. I’d cut “just” out of your writing whenever it is not needed. Consider this advice for your writing, too!
I got your email! I’m out with the kids at the moment but when I can get some time to myself at some point today, we’re going to work on this!
Hi! I second everyone’s suggestion to get a professional to edit your profile. I used to do this — and for a very reasonable fee (that eCyrano guy charges three times what I did for the same thing) — but I’ve taken a break from it. I think I might go back to it eventually when I have a little more time (like when my youngest is in school full time in two years). In an effort to get some practice and keep my skills sharp in this off-time, I’d be willing to take a look at your profile and see where there’s room for improvement (no charge). Would you be willing to share it with me? If so, just shoot me an email.
Echoing what everyone has has said: love ins’t enough to make a relationship successful. You two are not compatible. The bad news is you didn’t figure that our before you got married. The good news is that you didn’t have kids together yet and you haven’t been married that long. You can end the marriage fairly seamlessly and move on and still have plenty of time to find someone you are compatible with. Please, though, do seek counseling so you don’t repeat the same patterns.
Had to google Ansel Elgort because I’m old.
And to answer Skyblossom about how I’d feel about my daughter coming to me and telling me a guy grabbed her and kissed her and she didn’t want it, I’d ask the about the context. There are so many scenarios in which I would be pretty enraged about this — a professor or boss or anyone with any kind of authority over her — kissing her. A date whom she told to stop. Some stranger on the street as she was walking home from the subway. But a guy in a club whom she’d been dancing with and whom she didn’t tell to stop, whom she didn’t pull away from when he grabbed her hand, whom she continued to kiss because she was inexperienced and didn’t know what else to do? I’d be like, “Ok, we need to talk then. I have failed you as a parent.” I would not immediately cry “sexual assault.”
And another big difference is that no child of mine would EVER speak to me about a person of another race like this LW does. They would know they’d get their asses handed to them on a platter if I ever, ever heard racist language from them. If my daughter came home and shared the exact same scenario that this LW does, I would be far more concerned about the racism than the kiss. And, again, I would be really, really ashamed by the naiveté and would blame myself as a parent for failing my child in teaching basic social rules.
@Skyblossom Who said my son is going to be kissing girls? Maybe he’ll be kissing boys. Or, does your definition of sexual assault only apply to girls who don’t explicitly say yes?
Oh gosh, I thought raising a girl in this society would be harder than raising a boy, but if I have to worry about any person my son may kiss without asking first crying assault on him, we’re doomed. Look, the law varies state to state, but generally speaking, sexual assault is: “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.” (This is from the US department of justice).
Another broad definition: “Sexual assault is a sexual act in which a person is coerced or physically forced to engage against their will, or non-consensual sexual touching of a person. Sexual assault is a form of sexual violence, and it includes rape (such as forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration or drug facilitated sexual assault), groping, child sexual abuse, or the torture of the person in a sexual manner” (Wikipedia).
I think under these broadly accepted definitions — both socially and legally — someone would be VERY hard-pressed to successfully argue that someone who, in her words, willingly kissed a man was sexually assaulted. This may very well have been an unfortunate and regrettable moment, but sexual assault it was not.
Your parents’ and your racism is the true ugliness here. It’s really gross and not a good look. Your naiveté is pretty alarming, too. When someone you aren’t interested in in kissing tries to kiss you, don’t kiss back, no matter how flattered you might be by the attention. Simply turn your head, and, depending on the exact situation, tell him “no” firmly, that you aren’t ready for that yet, or that he has the wrong idea. In this particular situation, you should have pulled away when he leaned in to kiss you, walked away and stayed near your friends. If he tried to make a move on you again, you could have left. You also should not be drinking in public — you’re a minor, it’s illegal, and you have poor decision-making skills to begin with so it’s not wise to create more challenges by drinking around people you don’t know or trust.
