bloodymediocrity

Here’s a few quotes that led me to my conclusion that the author is viewing sexuality purely from an economic perspective without any regard to how relationships actually function.

“Therefore, sex for men is a no-risk/high-profit investment. For woman, the equation is reversed. Thus, the supply of female interest in sex is reduced, and since male demand is high, the price rises.”

“Man’s heightened motivation for sex puts them at a disadvantage because, according to the well-known “principle of least interest,” the one less invested (or motivated) in a relationship, controls it.

“For example, if you love your partner more than he loves you and you are more invested in the relationship than he is, then control of the relationship rests with him. The one who’s in love will do everything to save the relationship, even if it costs them big concessions. According to this principle, the fact that women are less sexually needy and motivated for sex puts them in a position of power in sexual negotiations.”

“Another reason why female sex has become a valued resource is related in all likelihood to human social history, in which, without exception, men have controlled most of society’s resources-–money, status and power positions. In such a situation, sex has been one of the few assets that women could leverage for obtaining other valuable social goods such as power, status, and money.”

“Baumeister’s analysis of the sexual marketplace, then, assumes that sex is not just a private matter but a part of the socio-economic system, just as buying a house is not just a private act but part of a system.”

“…for example in societies where women outnumber men, the price of sex is bound to drop because supply (feminine sex) exceeds demand (men looking for sex).”

“If we view sexy dress as advertising and public relations of a property owner who wishes to sell, we understand that such an owner would want to stimulate interest in as many potential buyers as possible, not because she aims to ‘sell’ to all of them but because she seeks to find the one optimal ‘buyer.’ Thus viewed, an attractively dressed woman conveys an interest in finding a suitable partner, not in finding many partners.”

Shemp – you’re comparing anecdotal data (your friends) to things that have studied and researched extensively. You also don’t know the personal details of the inner workings of your friend’s relationship beyond how happy your friends are with the amount of sex they are having. This research is easy to find with Google. I did the hard work for you:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-022-02397-2

But it’s a pretty simple concept. Resentment is a libido killer and I don’t think that’s something unique to one gender, but I do think that there are far more women out there that are resentful of their male partners for not pulling their weight with household chores and planning, parenting duties, etc.

No, not every relationship is going to reflect this dynamic, so it’s totally possible your friends are the outliers.

I think a good thing to check on is if this guy has a lot of female friends. This can tell you if other women feel safe around him, and if he respects women enough to actually be friends with them without wanting “something more”.

The stress was the fear that her mom would actually say no, and their home life would be disrupted and it would be really hard on her sister.

While she butts heads with her step dad fairly often, she didn’t want to see them split up either. They’ve been together for 10 years now so it’s not like he’s some new guy in the picture.

She had to deal with my own divorce in her own way about a year ago, so she has some complicated feelings about it.

Good news though, she said yes. Phew!

So to put it concisely the conflict with your sister-in-law can be summarized as this: The door to your sister’s room (in your house) made noise that you found annoying, her boyfriend came down shirtless and you made a comment of front of her parents that embarassed them, and then blamed her for the comment you made?

I mean, yeah, of course you’re going to have conflict with that whole family now. And your husband isn’t really doing anything to help navigate this.

Your dislike of your sister-in-law is poisoning your relationship with the mother-in-law, and you cannot seriously expect the mother-in-law to choose you over her own daughter. So you need to make peace with your sister-in-law, or abandon hope of a relationship with your MIL.

For what it’s worth, the way you describe it here, your sister-in-law sounds like she’s acting like a normal 20 year old. She’s doing things that are mildly annoying at best, and you came down way too hard on her. Maybe there’s a pattern of behavior that you haven’t mentioned here, but if the worst thing they did was make too much noise because of a problem with your door, well, they aren’t the assholes here.

Hey LW – good job. Really, you’ve made a very difficult decision but I am absolutely confident it was the right one. It hurts now for sure, but in the long run you are saving yourself many difficult years. You should be very proud that you were smart enough to realize these facts about your ex-fiancé. In the coming weeks and months you’re going to realize other red flags you have overlooked. It will get easier though.