bloodymediocrity
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“He is a good person I guess, he is just being possessive”
Nothing written here suggests the boyfriend is a good person. Good boyfriends aren’t possessive. Being “protective” is not a good thing in this way.
What’s left to for the LW to understand? He’s made his feeling very well known.
“I don’t want you to pursue your dreams” should be a hard, fast deal-breaker on it’s own. “I don’t want you to pursue your dreams so you can take care of my home” is so much worse than that. You’re wasting your time here, LW.
Hey, maybe let’s not rag on Tina while she’s being transparent and genuinely seeking help. This is progress. It’s just as easy to just not post anything than it is to say something mean.
I think Kate’s advice of telling the parents that you’re sorry you can’t make it and your husband is unwilling to change the date is a great idea. If they’re anything like my parents they’ll A) kick his ass and B) change the date themselves.
All of this is weird at best.
The general “you’re unhappy in this marriage and your husband doesn’t respect you or your desires so why are you here?” advice still stands.
T – it might be worth starting a new thread since this is a separate question.
Short answer as long as I’m here, here is what you say to your boyfriend. “I can’t do the long distance thing anymore. It isn’t working for me.”
Now stop beating yourself up – what you did isn’t a great noble act, but it’s not that bad either. Long-distance relationships are hard, and are harder the younger you are. At 20 you should be actively dating in person, not pining after someone hundreds of miles away.
Your options are
1) Change the marriage into a fully companionate, non-sexual relationship.
Doing so will requite accepting some amount of non-monogamy. Whether that’s just accepting your husband will do some amount of sexting or if it becomes a more fully open relationship is something that needs to be extensively negotiated. I just don’t see a path forward here otherwise. Your husband says he is not attracted to you but seems to have no interest in actually leaving. Even without the physical issues you’re experiencing you would be in the same position on that alone.
2) End the relationship completely.
Are your needs being met in this marriage? Is your husband otherwise good to you? Is this marriage worth saving? There’s not a lot to go on here but what is present isn’t a great look.
This is BAD. This is SO BAD. The very very best case scenario here is that he’s an idiot who doesn’t understand child development abd a bad husband who blows off his wife’s serious concerns. The WORST CASE scenario is SO BAD. This is call CPS levels of bad.
I didn’t catch that it was the Step-Dad doing this on the first. That’s way worse! If my daughter told me that one of her friends step-dad sneaks in to bed at night with her I’d be calling social services.
I think there is a difference between “complaining about your spouse to your friends” and “discussing serious problems in your relationship with friends”.
Lockdowns really are most effective as a preventive measure. Humans (American’s especially) are just too short sighted to see the benefits. An effective lockdown stops the spread of the virus, then every Tom, Dick, and Harry goes “that was pointless! The virus didn’t even get us!”. When implemented after a serious outbreak, as soon as the numbers start dropping Tom, Dick, and Harry whine “the numbers are dropping! It’s time to reopen!”
They also aren’t effective when not universal. When all of your neighbor states are plague ridden hell-holes bent on infecting everyone possibly no matter the cost (side-eyeing the Dakotas right now) what you do in your home state only matters so much. It’s still gonna spread. Half-assed lockdowns don’t accomplish much.
We also don’t have the proper social safety net to effectively lock down. People already work sick because we have no required sick leave in this country. Of course they are going to work sick. Of course they aren’t going to properly quarantine if they’ve been exposed. It’s all so predictable. We’ve spent the last 100 years making sure our country is as ill-prepared as possible for a pandemic, with the election of Trump as the orange-cherry on top of a shit sundae.
But I appreciate the concern and hope your family keeps recovering and healthy.
Yeah it really seems like a total crapshoot in regards to getting it or not. Honestly the thing that gets me is worrying about my daughter being worried. Like – it’s been scary and stressful already for her, and now mom’s got it?
My daughter’s mother (whom I share 50% custody) just tested positive. Only mild symptoms so far but crappity crap. This sucks. We might have been exposed over here – can’t say for sure when exactly she caught it. Got my first test tomorrow.
OOOffff.
Anyone else having trouble swallowing their rage at the “COVID is hoax!” crowd? Or perhaps the “I know and understand everything about how dangerous COVID is but am having Thanksgiving with 5 different households anyways because I don’t want to disappoint my family” people? Any tips for getting through this?
