Copa
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Oh ok, wow. Didn’t realize it was that much. I do vaguely remember some of this but sometimes letters starting sounding the same even when it’s not the same LW. I remembered the “pass around” language (ick) and the letter about how to deal with moving out for the first time on your own, but not the washcloths. Anyway, might get caught up later.
But yeah, therapy. Part of me feels like if you’re isolated and come from an abusive, messed up living situation like LW seems to have been raised in, it may not be that different from how it takes an average of seven tries for someone to finally leave an abusive relationship. So, I don’t want to be too harsh or pile on. But I do hope you will leave, LW, and soon. You have a job that brings in enough to make it work and if you play your cards right with smart choices, make that money go as far as it can for you. I hope you start unlearning some of what you may have internalized as normal or okay (have we mentioned therapy is great for this?). And I’d not be giving family like yours my address once I’m out.
@ron It may be true that many young people do this by necessity, but LW doesn’t have to be one of them. The unit in question sounds like it’s in a luxury building based on the updates and amenities LW is describing. For many people, rent is their biggest monthly expense and I think it’d be a bad move to spend that when there are are surely other rentals out there that may not be as updated or nice, but will cost less. Or a just-as-updated studio apartment.
I had a medical emergency at 29. A ruptured appendix that led to surgery, a post-op infection, two week-long hospital stays, medical equipment stitched into me for over a month, etc. The final bill was well into the six figure range. Thankfully I had really solid insurance, an employer willing to work with me, and emergency savings. Don’t think unexpected things can’t happen to you. Saving really is important.
LW, why is it important to you that the unit be a privately owned apartment vs. a managed building? I’ve rented through both and one experience is not necessarily better than the other. Zillow is primarily for buyers. You will find some, but few, rentals on there. You should be checking sites like apartments.com, domu, and Craiglist.
If anyone is able to quickly link to LW’s previous posts, I’m kinda curious. I did briefly look yesterday on my commute home, but sounds like they weren’t under the same handle so I didn’t find it.
You… literally just say no. You can say it nicely but firmly. “I will not be needing your help with this, thank you.” If you can find another way to get to the showings, do that instead. (Transit? Bikeshare? Uber? IDK your options.) I have even used phrases along the lines of, “You are my parent but your role as a parent is over and what you are saying to me is inappropriate,” to my dad before when he started scolding me as if I was a child. This was a few years ago, I was probably already in my 30s. I definitely wasn’t at home anymore. I’m so over my family’s bullshit, though, so at this point I’m very assertive with my family about is/is not okay. I don’t remember your past posts about your family the way others do, so while I wanna say the details of our situations are very different, I can relate to overbearing and/or controlling and/or bad boundaries parents. My mom is an immigrant, so with her the clashes were more cultural differences… my dad is just a controlling white American dude, though.
@ron That rent would be over 40% of LW’s take-home. That’s a lot. And that’s JUST rent. I think there are some cities (looking at you, San Fran) where plenty of people sincerely have no choice but to spend more than what’s ideal on housing. LW is not in one of those cities.
I live in a major U.S. city with a higher COL than the area you live in, so yes, I do believe it. I spent the first six or so years that I lived in this city in a desirable neighbor. Specifically, I lived in a historic area with old homes and apartments. It was not unusual to see small vintage studios going for $1250+/mo. Modern studios would be $1500+. And those were just the studios. However, you know what else I found in said neighborhood? The cute, sunny third-floor vintage walk-up one-bedroom apartment that I lived in for over four years before moving in with my boyfriend. It had a great layout, great sized kitchen (I had COUNTER SPACE!), and some charming details (built-in bookshelves! pocket doors!). When I moved in, my rent was a little less than $1100/mo — in other words, a great deal for my location. The building had some pretty mediocre reviews online because tenants usually don’t like their landlords for whatever reason. I was earning decently more than you but didn’t want to pay more in rent because… well, why? I wanted my money to go toward other goals, like finishing paying down my student loan debt (done!), maybe one day buying a place of my own, retirement, travel. I do believe if you look you can find a solid place at a good rate and I’m just trying to show what making some compromises looks like. I got to live in the neighborhood I wanted and still had a great place… I just didn’t have in-unit laundry or marble countertops.
So I suspect you’ll disregard this opinion, which is fine, but $1290 in rent seems pretty high for what you take home. It really sounds like you want something modern and upgraded, which isn’t inherently wrong, but on your budget, those are things you’d maybe want to go without for a couple years. As a renter, you wouldn’t have to buy your own W/D or call a repairman if the shared ones in the laundry room break — the landlord takes care of that. I really find it hard to believe that ALL studio apartments in your area are nasty, unsafe, and unavailable. Again, not wrong to want a one-bedroom, but given your finances, that’s one of those kind of obvious places to save a bit of cash if you refuse to have roommates. Modern studios can even have really decent layouts to give them a one-bedroom feel.
Got it. I’d have assumed $60-70k gross based on what I’m used to but I get it, it varies. Sorry for the bad reading and assumptions, LW.
Also meant to add that therapy can help with stuff like unpacking the family issues, childhood trauma, and setting boundaries with them. In my own life, it has been very helpful for that.
I don’t understand how your take home pay is $41k if your salary is $48k, but I guess I was mistaken about the $70k. I thought I saw that number in your original post.
Either way, you can make things work with the money you have. IMO that’s part of being an adult even without a bad at-home situation. Ultimately up to you where you want to sacrifice a little to make it work. I do remember your post about moving out and feeling isolated so I do think a roommate is a good idea. You can probably find someone about your age who is also a recent-ish grad through social media platforms. And you can meet for coffee or something before moving in to make sure it’s a good fit. There are ways to find and choose roommates that make living with a stranger less overwhelming. Otherwise, I find it hard to believe that living in the area you do, there aren’t studios available.
I’m impressed you can spend that little at Whole Foods, @ktfran! I don’t usually shop there but live very close to one and feel like every time I do go, I leave thinking, “…what did I buy that I spent this?”
Anyway, I don’t think it’s that odd that someone who hasn’t lived away from home before doesn’t know what they’d realistically spend. I doubt I had a clue when I moved out and learned by doing it.
Your budget will be fine. A lot of what has been written here is what you’d ideally be doing. Most people can’t do what’s ideal at your age. I don’t recall the details of your past posts, though I vaguely recall what everyone else is referring to, and you should prioritize moving out and getting therapy. Therapists often offer sliding scale fees and if you have a $70K/year job with benefits, the copays should be manageable. Even if you’re trying to save aggressively/quickly, a $40 copay won’t set you back too much at all when it sounds like you currently have no rent to pay or debts owed. I’d have saved SO MUCH when I lived at home had that been my situation.
My first “real” job paid me $35K and I had about $60K in debt. It was bad, so to me, your financial situation seems like a dream for a first job. I think I remember your previous posts, though not too well — basically that staying at home is not a great situation, right? I lived at home for a bit to pay down enough debt to make my life easier but moved out before it was ideal (from a financial perspective) because my parents had not yet divorced and it was really bad dynamics, so I get it. I thrifted, meal planned/prepped, picked the meh apartments, and looked for free or inexpensive entertainment and things turned out okay for me. I paid off my debt in six years. I job hopped a bit to get my pay up. So, I think you’re fine, but I am also a Great Recession grad and things were not great for a lot of us (I had it better than plenty of friends) so maybe my perspective is skewed.
Going through a tank of gas/week seems like a lot for someone who works remote. Can you cut back there? I also thought $100/mo for toiletries sounded like a lot.
Have you seen the cheaper apartment in person? A lot of people don’t like their management companies and will leave bad reviews on apartments that aren’t THAT bad. I lived alone starting at 27 and in hindsight wish I’d gone the roommate route, but I opted into no frills apartments. Like vintage walk-ups with no amenities that were still safe, well kept, etc. So I’d probably opt into the less expensive apartment if roommates are a no-go.
I think you sound like you’re doing better than most 25 year olds though. You don’t mention any student loan debt and you already earn ~$70K (unless entry-ish level salaries really have changed that much in the last decade, this is good… this is more than my friend made working in finance for Microsoft back when we graduated). When I was your age I made like half that amount and was waist deep in debt. It was not a great time.
