Heatherly

Now, I personally would take the tack of throwing money at the situation. You invite them as normal, they all come in with their children & you’ve hired a vetted & with good references babysitter or two( if it’s more than two children get at least two sitters) to keep the children amused for 3 or 4 hours. Problem solved, you & they can enjoy yourselves. But I would only do future events at your house occasionally and the rest outside the house. Also after this occasion, if they liked arrangements you could ask them to chip in to cost- before they come. Or budget it into the cost of a party.

Sometimes throwing cash at a problem, if you can afford it, is the cheapest and least painful solution. I’m offering this only if you actually want to see them all.

Ohh the dress is fab, @Hizzy. And definitely Yes to the Dress!

I’m not a techie genius but deletion of photos etc isn’t as permanent as you’d first believe. It maybe saved to the iCloud or some other way. So please find someone who super technical either over the internet or via techie friends to see if the photos can be retrieved. And sorry but either way get out of marriage.

Hi Dancing Dream. Break ups are hard( no one enjoys it but everyone has to go through them). A relationship is in some ways like a habit or addiction. Sometimes it’s a good one, sometimes it’s an indifferent one and sometimes it’s a bad one. You’ve got a routine that you do together, but now it’s got to change as you’re no longer together. We also create a fantasy around the person who we’re with for a future. But the reality of it, has to take the front seat.

Now you start to grieve (period you’re in right now), then you start to fill your time with new and different things and keep busy( take up a dance class etc, go to a couple of meetup.com groups, plan a holiday, get together with friends, take an art/language class etc, pamper yourself) . Also, sorry, but to move on please block his number and all ways of communication/social media( & his family as it’s not good or helpful that they call you either). Of course you feel bad, it’s part of change but there a good points to this. You’re free to do whatever you want. He didn’t treat you with respect or love and he wasn’t going change. Please find a friend to confide in & help you wallow for a month, and then start doing stuff. You’re free now and better for it. It takes a minimum of 6 months or more to get over a relationship. There will come a day when you only think of him once and then a week when you only think of his name in passing etc, soon he won’t be a factor. You weren’t happy with him, and you made decision to break up. That takes strength and obviously a part of you knew that this wasn’t right, so despite the sadness you should also be proud of yourself for being able to leave.

I’m sure on DW there other break up advice & more of us may pitch in, but perhaps also take a look at Dear Dana’s archive on a break up too.

Also, for your birthday, you don’t need to do a lot of partying but perhaps book a massage or one thing or two you enjoy to make it a nice & relaxing time? I say get a friend/relative to come with you. Make one enjoyable thing happen for yourself.

I just want leave the true story of one of the best USA shooter’s death in 2013 here ( who American Sniper film was based on). Now if this man couldn’t protect himself with a gun, at shooting range & with a friend who was also a good shot, then who can? https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/feb/03/sniper-chris-kyle-shot-dead

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/day-chris-kyle-died-text-777380

Nope, sorry. No. It’s a not work roundable thing. It’s a non negotiable thing. Guns aren’t safe. Even in a safe. Toddlers/kids are not safe in a house with guns, because even if mostly kept in a gun safe, what about that once or twice he’s tired/in a hurry & not paying attention? Did he really lock it away? Did kid notice the code or where the key for was put? I know they’re owners who are responsible & fine, but if you don’t feel safe about then this isn’t something to compromise on. Why own a machine that only has one use…to harm & kill? Also your house insurance goes up. Why? Because insurance companies know that statistically the likelihood of an accident goes up. That accident is to you & your family, not to intruders.

Safest place in house is a gun safe, but not easily accessible if in danger. If in wearable hostler then someone intent on getting it (as they have motivation), then they can grab it or wrestling with you husband for it( not telling who will come out of that well…) It isn’t psychologically easy for a normal person to fire someone on purpose- fight or flight or stop will
kick in – not telling which will happen ( kids playing don’t realise the dangers or impact so somehow easier for them). Most likely is that he’ll freeze or miss ( firing at tin cans or a range aren’t much in the way of prep & luckily unless in the army he’s not going practice on real people), in which case you’re giving more time for the other person to get the gun & harm you all.

I read countless stories of ‘responsible gun owners” who come home to an empty homes because their kid shot their sister/brother/father etc. Or in the midst of an argument over garden tools etc, one of neighbors goes inside to get their gun. A minute of anger & then add a gun= death.

Personally, much as I might love partner I would leave if he got a gun( luckily this isn’t a possibility where I live but for hunting). Especially if I had kids( they are curious, naughty & just want to copy what they see on TV or what daddy does- nope!). I would need to to protect my children. As the gun is the most likely thing to harm them. Get a better locks, CCTV etc in house, but not a gun. Get martial arts training even. Or couple counseling as to why he suddenly needs to protect you’ll. Still no gun.

https://www.snopes.com/toddlers-killed-americans-terrorists/