hfantods
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Dating-wise it’s been quiet for me. I still have the apps on my phone, but I haven’t checked them for a couple weeks. I realize it’s hard to meet people when I work, go home, repeat, etc. I am taking private language lessons and singing lessons and I do Toastmasters, though the age range is more like 35-50, so it’s not like I have no hobbies.
I met this guy a couple times at different networking events. He recently moved to the city. We had a pretty good chat, but all network-y/professional kind of conversation? Part of me though didn’t want to be more flirty (not that I really know how to flirt) or something because of the professional context? And I have this habit of thinking of the worst possible situation i.e. if we were to go on a date and it didn’t work out, I’d still see him at these networking events. I know people date people within the workplace and school and it’s normal because that’s where you meet people, but I have this, like, barrier. We don’t even work in the same place, obviously.
Any thoughts? I don’t have his contact info as he didn’t have business cards yet, but I’m sure I’ll see him around at some point again.
Happy he did text you back, @money! Hope your Wednesday date goes well.
Lovely to hear about everyone’s NYE. I think everyone overall had a good night! I went to my friend’s place for board games and it was really chill and nice.
Been lurking a lot, but gotta chime in – it’s so nice to see this thread go through a season and a half! From summer flings to winter snuggle buddies?
LadyE, so happy for you! Nice break from those two other guys.
Veritek, didn’t have a chance to say you looked like a bombshell in your ball photo!
For the first time in ever I have different options for New Year’s which is a change from staying at home and sleeping early (which, nothing wrong with that). My friend who got married last month is having a board games get together. She’s inviting that guy from the wedding I thought was cute but she isn’t sure if he can make it. The other option is going out with a couple high school friends to a concert. I haven’t been out for drinks at all this holiday and I am feeling antsy. I just have a really good memories last time I went out with these gals for New Year’s in 2010/2011… which was 5 years ago, and I felt all young (21), optimistic and shiny. Now… not so much.
I’m sorry nickel and veritek for not awesome dates, but I am glad at least, ver, that you have that certainty and he didn’t ghost or something.
K, I am a bit amused that you brought this thread to your barbershop, jimmyjam.
I have a crush! Alright, it is way too early even to call it a crush, but I found a single guy I’ve sort of talked to attractive for the first time in a long time. It was my friend’s wedding yesterday – small city hall wedding, 20ish people, really lovely crowd. The guy was one of the groom’s friends. I didn’t catch his name, nor did we really talk one on one but we all had a fun group chat by the end of wedding/reception, like the 8 remaining. Ugh, he was just really hot! I know he’s single because we all talked about dating etc. I… probably could ask my friend the bride about him — this is the first time in my life I’ve had close girlfriends with whom I talk about guys and relationships, although I don’t know what I’d say except I thought one her husband’s friends was cute last night and…?
Missed it yesterday, but I am sorry TheLadyE for what you went through. It sucks, totally, but I know you’ll heal and figure it all out.
Hmmm, I don’t have plans this weekend? I swears something was going on but maybe I don’t. I have plans for the next three weekends though so it’s good to have a break. My Hallowe’en was pretty quiet too.
As for dating, ugh, I am not doing a good job of it. Part of me wants to say I am really happy being single and I am! Dating for a bit made me realize that I like doing my own things without corresponding with another person on schedules. On the other hand, I realize how “sour grapes” that sounds. I really am not meeting anyone. I’m on Tinder, Hinge and Bumble and nobody messages me at least on the first two. I could get back onto OKCupid but I just hate writing online dating profiles. K, I’ll either shit or get off the pot.
Mmhmm I realize that nothing good happens after 2 AM. I guess I’m more amused than offended since he’s so far away (and yeah, not good for a booty call either at that).
All the best, LadyE. You seem to have a good handle on things. I hope you don’t get hurt and that this works out.
@MissDre, chiming in that it doesn’t hurt to go out one more time. Try to go in with as an open mind as possible though as it’s easy to let your first date/hesitation cloud the second date and it’s even more likely you won’t find yourself attracted to him.Yeah, veracity, maybe I’m judgey too but I’d question why he’s thinking of sharing a hotel room after one date. What’s the context (are you going on a trip together?)?
“Ugh. He’s not a sociopath, but you should ask yourself, why, if he’s this total catch, is he spending time chatting up women who live nowhere near him? Why is he not so busy going on all these dates with local women to bother with someone in another country? Yeah.”
Yep, pretty much!! Hahah.
How’d your date/hike go @TheLadyE?
@MissDre, I guess that’s how dating goes. Still a numbers game but it’s great you met someone. Your hair extensions sound fab!So I bumped into Tinder Finance Guy outside his building yesterday. Seriously!? (Yes, he lives there, but still, why did he have to leave his place at that time I was walking past it. It also crossed my mind that I may bump into him at some point but I didn’t think it would actually happen). He was the one I went on more dates than necessary/I was emotionally unavailable.
We had cordial/friendly conversation. Honestly, the reason why I felt awkward was when I texted him that I was no longer interested (we conversed through text so that’s why ending it by text was OK for us), he thanked me for letting him know and said wouldn’t mind keeping in touch and I just.. never replied. My fault for being rude, but ugh, a short “yeah, that’d be great!” text whether I meant it or not would’ve solved any awkward bump-ins.
I don’t know if you remember me mentioning the guy I matched with on Tinder when I visited Chicago in July. We chatted a bit in August interspersed with questions about my hooking up which was weird (for me) and I wrote about that here. The correspondence faded. Then he messaged me about a week and a half ago about the Blue Jays (sigh… still sad about that) and we had nice messages about the Cubs/Jays/commiserating about losses. Well last night/this morning apparently he messaged me at 3 AM EST if I was still awake. I was happily asleep. This hasn’t happened to me before… I just, what? .. this is all through Tinder, mind you, it’s not like you can send pictures through it. We’re 700 km apart. And yet, I’m also having a stupid fantasy about this? I went back to read Kate’s wise thoughts about this one. Just wanted to vent this out.
LadyE, I agree with a mix of things here. Many things he could get the benefit of the doubt — he was used to saying separate bills so he got it separate; finances are a personal thing with someone you’ve only met twice; you both may give off the vibe of taking things slowly which explains no kiss. I like that he parallel parked for you (because that is one of my gripes with driving)! But on the flip side, I think it was inconsiderate that he didn’t offer to pay since you drove to trivia to accompany HIM! And did he know it’d be “adult trivia” [given the context between you two]? So there are flags, just up to you when they add up to be a deal breaker.
Stone, glad you came to that decision. Shitty response from that one guy, but who needs him, ha.
Yay for new dates across the board! Sounds like a great date, lovely. Hope it goes well Cleopatra and emsz.
So I finally decided to tell Tinder Finance Guy that I wasn’t interested in him further romantically and it was ok and he was ok! I know I could have decided earlier but I also could have kept on going too trying to convince myself I liked him so I’m glad I stopped it now. So now I have a little more perspective into dating sort of. It’s nice to have this forum to get things out and have some advice from more seasoned folk.
I do hope I find someone I genuinely like and who likes me too. Until then, I’ll have fun dating or not dating!
And happy two month anniversary, thread 🙂
I thought it was a clam jam? I’m a fan of the word lady bone.
@Shakeourtree, yay, dates! And yay for being in place at least for the time being.I went on date five with Tinder Finance Guy. It’s kind of weird to still be counting after “seeing” him for a month and a half. So he said he thought he really liked me. I didn’t want to mirror him without knowing so I kind of didn’t say anything. Except later on I said that while I liked spending time with him, I needed to take things slower and think about … it? I was admittedly vague and I didn’t plan what I wanted to say. He said it was fine, I could take my time, and it actually made me really relieved and made me like him more.
We had, what I thought, a nice time, although no kiss. There was a time when I think I could have kissed him but I just… feel like I don’t want to initiate my first kiss? This is besides the point and I understand the general consensus on physical intimacy on this thread. I left the date thinking I wanted to see him again, like I could see dating him.
Tonight he texted me, after I initiated a conversation, “I’m confused about what’s going on between us since you mentioned you wanted to stay as friends [which I didn’t say so in those words], and I would love to do so and keep in touch, but I won’t be able to see you in as much and talk to you as much if we’re friends since I don’t have that much time on the weekends :)”.
Alright I totally see why he’s confused, but all that other stuff and the smiley face– is this it? I have to decide? And the thing is I kind of do like him “more than friends” now with a lot of reflection, but how am I supposed to say that via text without sounding ridiculous? Or just go Brooklyn Nine Nine and say that I’m looking for something “romantic styles”? [I won’t]. Maybe these are his true colours/he is looking for something serious and doesn’t want to waste time.
Sorry again for this epistle.
