hfantods
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Thanks for all your perspective regarding time of break up. Really appreciate your insight/experience. Glad to know it’s not a big deal (depending on the person). I think it caught me a little off guard that he brought it up, but it was kind of in passing, rather than a “let me tell you about my crazy ex’s”.
@K, I’m in southwest Ontario; anywhere close to you? 🙂
@Eve, I kind of feel the same way about this Tinder Finance Guy after our second date too. I don’t have great advice, but also chiming in that you’re not alone, and it helps to read everyone else’s advice. I flip flop between whether I find him attractive or not, but I’m curious to spend some more time with him except I also don’t want to lead him on. If you are certain though at you are’t attracted to him, then yeah, rejecting him now will save your time too.Also, that guy at your work is a jerk. Ya think after the second time he asked you out (heck, even the first) he’d know better.
kare, you are a bombshell! Love your outfit and I’m glad you had fun. Fabbity fab date ver! Thanks for sharing!
The hike with Tinder Finance Guy was really nice. It was super hot out but we chilled by a waterfall. We grabbed dinner at a fun local bar. Kind of an awkward end because he had to run to catch the train so no hug goodbye (I was driving).
He has this way of saying things that could be braggy/humble brag, but he really does seem genuine and just matter of fact about it. He talks about money, savings (“accumulating wealth”), investments etc. and to me that’s like woah too much. On the flipside, he’s cute and considerate. On paper he’s a solid person… job, has his own place, ambitious, likes his family. But maybe too ambitious for me?
A couple other red flaggish thing are: he mentioned offhand that he came out of a long-term relationship in February. Do you think 6-7 months is enough time to get over someone? I wanted to ask him how long the relationship was, but I didn’t since, like, don’t talk about exes on early dates, right? Also he he said an ex from Gr. 12/first year university was “crazy” which I’m not keen on as an adjective for women, but I guess that was also a while ago. This only came up because we were talking about high schools and his ex went to one of the ones we talked about.
I’m not sure if we will see each other soon or ever… He’s been working really late hours and my next two weekends are actually packed. I think I’ll leave it in his court to initiate again.
No, no, I pieced it out of non-sports wear clothes that can be used for a day hike! I am using the black legging capris and cute sports bra idea plus a v-neck tshirt.
Woot woot, yay ver!!
Thanks ladies for the hiking outfit suggestions. I’ve realized that I only own grungy gym clothes but I think I pieced something together.
Ewww, thank goodness he didn’t have your number. Thanks be to Tinder.
I kind of really like the blood donation idea! + good karma 🙂
Ooh, definitely bonus points, veritek 🙂 I’m so sorry to hear that mucha; I hope life will turn around. Tango lessons, industrial goth nights, sex with co-workers… good dates abound!
Ok, what is a cute outfit for a going on a hike second date? It’s not an intense hike but it is outdoors. Obviously I want to be dressed appropriately but I want to look nice tooo…
That was both hot and hilarious, kare! And dang, so close, Stone, but I guess it worked out for the better.
Yayyy, look forward to hearing more veritek!
Thanks so much for your detailed response, TheLadyE. Would actually be interested chatting to you more privately too.
Nice @shakeourtree! Hope tomorrow goes well!
See, yeah, I wouldn’t mind having someone to commiserate over dating, but the timing of some of those messages was weird. And now that I think about it, the reason he asked if I hooked up probably was because he was looking for something else (despite him saying he didn’t understand hookup culture). Sure it might have been a way to start swapping stories, but personally, I felt it was none of his business. It’s hard to tell tone through words, but that’s that.
@TheLadyE, sounds like you are in a good position with options. You mentioned before that you come from a conservative Christian background, but you said you are moving past that. Do you mind sharing a bit more? No pressure if you don’t want to.I come from a Christian family and while on the whole my family is liberal (e.g., pro-choice, support same sex couples, women pastors, etc.), my parents definitely instilled in me the no sex before marriage (but no purity ball or anything like that). I’m having a hard time moving past that, and whether I do want to move past that. I have actually become more religious as it helped me through some difficult times recently, but not so much that I am ready to know I want to abstain before marriage. Hypocritical possibly, but that is something I have been thinking about. I know I want to be in a committed relationship at least, but after that… My sister didn’t have sex before marriage and neither did her husband, and they were both in their early 30s when they got married. My sister is not judgmental at all but I feel like if she managed to wait, I have to wait too. I realize that virginity/purity has been overemphasized in western culture but it is hard to untrench it.
Stone, thanks for the chicken recipe! I’ll have to try it.
TheLadyE, I’ve been following your Hippie Artist Guy. He seems really affectionate with the snuggling. Do you think he’s “straight edge” or something with the no kissing? I’m just trying to figure this out!
Ok, these are my dates/meet ups/thoughts update:
1) Coffee with the guy who set up the date in Toronto without offering to meet “halfway” as I live an hour away. Turns out this place was kind of halfway since he lives on the other “side” of Toronto, not downtown. Guess I need to learn not to be judgmental. Surprisingly nice date, as his pictures were quite serious. I’m not sure if I’m excited about him but he seems like a good person.
2) The guy I met with on Saturday: I had already declined meeting with him before the concert because of the date above. He said though that if he finished work early enough he could come find me at the concert since it’s on his walk home. Around 10 he said he was still at work so I said no problem. He texted me around 10:45 asking if I was still downtown and by that time the concert was ending and I told him I was going to take the train home.
Somehow as I was leaving the venue I bumped into him and he “walked” me to the station (10 min away). He gave me a choice to decline but I did want to see him again. We just chatted about our day. I’m not sure if I’m as excited about him now but we are still meeting up this Saturday where I live so I have pressure to plan something nice since he is taking the time to come visit. I’m figuring out some hike areas. I wouldn’t say he is that easily available (at this early stage of knowing him), as he works late and has his own friends, etc. We’ll seeee.
3) I still have some conversation with the lawyer guy I matched with in Chicago a few weeks ago (btw, @ktfran, I have total city envy). I know, it’s kind of weird. We had chats in which the end would be an appropriate end to this whole chatting “relationship”, but last and this weekend he re-initiated the conversation at like 1 AM asking how my tindering was going/or if I had “success” that night. Question for discussion, why would a guy ask that? Why does he want to know? I’m not sure what to even say — last week I had no “success” and this week I sort of did? Does he actually want to know?
Through our chats, he says he uses Tinder for relationships and that he doesn’t understand hook up culture, but then after I told him that I don’t hook up either, he said people still have “primal needs”. Again, I don’t understand what he is going off on!
If this were a local guy, I’d probably ignore and unmatch him, but since this guy is far away I just want to continue along out of curiosity. In a silly way I feel flattered when he messages me? It’s safe because he doesn’t live here? Ugh, I know.
Oh, and since I’m familiar with law firms and he mentioned some information about himself, I googled and definitely know where he works and have visited his bio page. I know, it’s creepy, but again, I justify with the never meeting him?? I guess that’s why I am keeping up this correspondence since he can’t be that much of a sociopath uh based on his bio page? Ha ha.
Stone, I’m so happy for you!! and that is a classy picnic! Can I ask what kind of chicken you brought? The eater in me wants to know.
ktfran, have a great date tonight!
Thank you all so much for your general dating advice/second date stuff. No, I definitely want to keep up my own personal life and continue making plans like normal. Which now makes me feel like I should actually be going to visit a couple friends in Ottawa this weekend. I’ve been meaning to go there the whole summer and suddenly there are three weekends left in August and I already have plans for the last two weekends. I’m currently looking for a job so my schedule is extra flexible and I know when I start a job I’ll be too busy to visit. However, I did already say I was free this Saturday for another meetup with this guy so I guess I can’t really cancel now.
