hfantods

That is very frustrating, MissDre. Also, phone calls? Do people text so much they don’t know the etiquette of phone calls?

Folks, I had a good first date today; I don’t want to say really good to jinx anything, but it was good! Great conversation and weirdly similar upbringing. I’m just so nervous now. He’s already since suggested a second meeting and I’m interested. Nothing has been firmed up but he offered to take the train out to visit next weekend.

Actually, I told him today in conversation I’d be in the city again Monday night for the concert and he texted that he might be able to get off work early to meet before. But I had planned another date off OKC before the concert (the one I mentioned before). I’m not that excited about it, but I do want to meet the guy and I’d feel bad for cancelling. So I told today’s guy that I had dinner plans already. For the future, is that ok? I don’t want to show non-interest, but on the other hand, I can’t put “all my eggs in one basket”.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, and you can probably tell my inexperience, but I’ve never had a real relationship and the most dates I’ve gone on with someone is two. So if you have any advice for second dates, that would be really appreciated. And I do hope this second date turns out. And like, that I stay calm, because I know this is a one date at a time thing and I can’t let my feelings get ahead of myself.

Edit: this guy was off Tinder and we do have mutual friends on Facebook. I’m doing everything NOT to look him up. I don’t want to know things I don’t want to know!

@Kicia, I have Tinder, Coffee Meets Bagel and OK Cupid. Tinder is fun and there are guys who are looking for relationships but it might be harder to prune out. You can sort of tell from their profile. Coffee Meets Bagel at first gave me some possible matches but for the past month it’s hasn’t been good. That may be because the network is not big enough yet here. OK Cupid is standard. Granted, I haven’t had success in any of them so I might not be the best judge. My sister met her husband off Plenty of Fish five years ago.

As for photo, that would be necessary for Tinder. A good quality photo with a DSLR camera might let your attractiveness come through even though you think you aren’t photogenic.

Chiming in with sundress and wedge! I do feel uncomfortable sitting on bar stools in a dress since I’m afraid of flashing everyone, ha. But that outfit sounds really nice for a summer day date.

Came across a recent Facebook post by Arlene Dickinson, awesome boss lady who was on Canada’s Dragons’ Den (similar to Shark Tank). It’s not really about dating but I liked it a lot:

I can’t imagine I am the only woman over 50, not married or in a serious relationship, that has been told by some well meaning friend that It would be so good for me to find someone. Find someone? Is there a specific spot I should look? Is there a lost and found pile I can dig through to see if someone in there belongs to me? Perhaps there’s a room full of eligible smart kind men in a building somewhere I can’t locate. Of course I am kidding. I know people are well intentioned when they say it. But did they ever think that people who aren’t in serious relationships can still be seriously happy? That while it may be lovely to be with someone it doesn’t mean we can’t be happy without someone? My happiness is based on me liking myself and loving the time I spend with my family and my friends. I’ve been in relationships that tore my very soul apart and left me desperately unhappy and marginalized. But, from the outside looking in I would have been seen to have it all. A handsome man and a ring on your finger is not the arbiter of a life or love fulfilled.

I have no problems with the truth on this matter. It will be nice if or when I meet the right, good man. But for now I am most happily living with exactly the right woman. Me.

That might be nice to get out, kare. Is there a reason you’re flip flopping other than not feeling ready? which, is cool if it is.

Dang, I wish now I did suggest a closer location but it’s good to know for next time. I’ve planned to go to free concert that evening though so if the date goes well, great, but if not, concert!

Just wondering, do you give cell numbers to guys you meet online before the first date? Is it a comfort level thing?

@Kare, ugh, that’s gross, sorry to hear about that. Has he been snapchatting you or was it just an add? I also don’t quite know how snapchat works.

@veritek33, teacher sounds fun! even just a friends thing. You never know. Also, you’ve used penpal before… I like that word/term! Just amusing because there’s no pen (ahem) involved, like a lot of leftover jargon.

@Eve, sounds interesting. Hope lunch goes well.

So I’ve been pen-palling with the lawyer. He’s been curious about the use of Tinder, e.g., hook up or meeting people to date, and it’s kind of nice just to talk about Tinder on Tinder with a guy, and not worry about it being too meta or a turn off, since it’s unlikely we’ll meet up.

I also have a question for you ladies. I chatted very briefly with a guy on OKC (2 messages each). He had a nice profile but we’ve literally only talked about coffee because of our profiles (how original). So he invited me to coffee which is fine because I agree it’s better to meet early and see if it’ll work than endlessly messaging each other. It did seem soon though.

I live however in a city an hour away from Toronto, and I’m pretty clear about that in my profile. And I am open to meeting people in Toronto to widen my pool. It just bothered me that right away he suggested coffee in Toronto and didn’t even offer to meet me here, where there is plenty of coffee, or half way. I understand that Toronto is the major city centre but he also invited me to a chain coffee place which could be anywhere (this is where I start sounding pretentious). I just don’t want to pay for a $20 return train ticket for a half hour coffee, but maybe that’s something I have to accept. Anyway, I’ve arranged it so I have plans in the city so it’ll be “worth” the trip.

Still, should he have at least offered an alternate place? or even checked if it was convenient I came out to the city?

Ooh whether it was him or wasn’t, definitely the universe is saying something! (Amy Schumer). Good luck tonight!