Kate

She DID, yes. We got a little camera that seems to have solved the problem.

Here’s the thing though. Last summer when she was really acting up and we were like “whoa, what is this??” I called my EAP for a consult to see if they could shed some light on what we might be dealing with (we are in our 40s and never had neighbor trouble). The EAP woman said, look, there are a lot of people walking around with a whole host of mental health issues. She said this woman sounds a little grandiose, a little delusional, and *like she has boundaries that she’s very protective of, even though she doesn’t think other people should have boundaries.* Bam. Like a guy who says “don’t waste my time” and then wastes the fuck out of yours.

Nothing says “I’m not a time-waster” better than “I’ll try to be in touch when my phone is fixed.” I really do think of someone asks you not to do this or that in the very early stages of dating, it’s foreshadowing that they are going to do it themselves.

It was after 2012 that all the apps came out (Tinder, etc.). When I was online in 2011-2012, it wasn’t a picnic, but the “Tinder mentality” hadn’t yet ruined it for everyone.

I did cry once, and I was mortified and found a new job soon after. I hadn’t been sleeping, serious insomnia, and my boss, one of the co-owners, started giving me a hard time about how I’d performed on something. She ordered me to come to the other owners office right then. I tried to defer and ask if we could talk at another time soon, but no luck. They both came at me really aggressively, and between that, the personal issues, and the insomnia, I cried. But never. Ever. Again. I learned a lesson from that and no one will do that to me again.

I’m confused too… you said he does a lot of big things for you, but nothing really negative about him except his daughter is a pain. You said you feel like you can’t express yourself around him, and he may not appreciate you enough – but why do you feel this way? Is he really a bad guy, or is some of this on you? It’s just confusing to see someone go from planning a romantic getaway to “he’s a jerk and I’m dumping him” in a week. What happened? Was he always a jerk and you were kind of in denial?

I think if someone is actually trying to intimidate you just to put you on the spot and observe your behavior, it’s less important what you actually say, and more important that you stay pleasant and calm and unrattled. Like if I were at a client, and someone asked me to guess why they had zebras everywhere, I’d probably just smile, pause, think about it for a sec, see if anything came to mind that was related to their products or advertising, and then lean forward and say, still with a smile, “I’m not sure, but it’s fun! Tell me more about it.”