Kate
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
I agree the relationship sounds superficial, but not necessarily because of his extended bachelorhood and jet setting lifestyle. More just because with all Lauren Nicole’s updates, all we keep hearing is how wild and fun it all is, nonstop, and how they’re basically fated to be together and at least 50 people think they’re amazing. Yet she has no idea what he’s actually thinking or feeling and has no clue how to have a standard relationship talk. He’s super cool, super fun, famous, wild, and free, but I’m not hearing anything substantial about his character and how he is as a boyfriend (“don’t forget about Hawaii, babe!”)
Either it’s just a rock or it’s very symbolic, it can’t be both.
Yeah, it definitely does. My mom raised me to be a strong independent woman and ask for things also, but she herself has a very hard time saying no in her personal life. She can’t say no to family in particular. She didn’t want me to be like that, but she is. If I asked her for something like this, she MIGHT say no if she felt strongly enough, because she’s not as brainwashed by me as by, say, her older sister… but no way could I be sure.
If asking is going to happen, I am 100% with her or the fiancé asking about family diamonds in general, not specifically this one.
I just do feel it’s not polite to ask for something valuable that belongs to someone else and that you don’t need.
My grandmother left her entire silver set to me. My mom’s silver set had been stolen when someone broke into our house years before. She didn’t ask me if she could have the silver I had received, even though it was her mom’s, even though she entertains all the time and she knew I didn’t and it would just sit in a drawer. I gave it to her. Her asking would honestly have been weird. She was given a 1-Carat flawless diamond in a platinum Art Deco setting by her widowed MIL. Neither of my parents would have asked. It was a gift, and she still wears it as it originally was made, no re-setting, even though her taste is different. I don’t know…
@Ele4phant, I think it’s that if there’s anyone who would do ANYTHING to make you happy, it’s probably your mom, right? Who makes more sacrifices than moms? She may really want to keep that diamond for personal or sentimental reasons, but if you ask for it, then she may feel like she has to give it up even though she’d rather not. My mom has jewelry she’s freely given me, but I wouldn’t ask her for anything she hadn’t offered, because I don’t know that she’d be direct with me, actually. I’d feel awful if I ever found out she hadn’t wanted to give it up.
My concern would be she may feel guilted into saying yes, even though that’s not at all your intention, when she may actually prefer to hang onto it. She may be taken by surprise and not know how to say no.
I’m with Skyblossom. I feel like a diamond needs to be offered, not asked for.
I think guys in their 30s just continue to be primarily interested in 20-something women. Women in their early 30s aren’t in such high demand with guys of the same age, and you’re not really into 40-somethings yet.
Meanwhile, guys in their 20s would have to compete with 30-something guys for the attention of 20-something women, but it’s easier for them to get the attention of 30-something women.
So when you get into your 30s, you hear somewhat less from 30-something guys and more from the young’uns. As you get into your mid-late 30s you’ll be more open to guys in their 40s, so your options will shift again. This is all normal.
“The most interesting thing about all of this — and this fact is backed up by about 50 people we each know — is that he hasn’t had a girlfriend in over a decade.”
Yeah, my guess is he didn’t want one. A guy like that, if he wanted a girlfriend, would have one. It sounds like you told him you are really into him, he was like, cool, and you started hanging out and taking trips together, and that’s enough for him. I’m not sure he’s seeing this as a serious relationship. If he did, he’d let you know.
“and I’m sure he’s had a million thoughts this past year about what this point is and what it all means, how it would work, etc.”
Not necessarily. Again, I think maybe he’d have shared some of that with you. He may really just be grand with how things are right now, undefined, free, etc.
I mean, you just pick a chill time when you’re not doing much, and say you’re so happy you two finally got together and you kind of want to check in and see how he’s feeling. Then the conversation progresses from there and you both talk about how you feel about each other and what you’d like for the future.
You sound a little bit like, head in clouds, not so much a realist, idk.
I’m not really saying that to be flippant, but by saying you’d be gaining something together, you’re assuming something about his feelings and priorities that may not be true. He is probably quite happy to be able to enjoy his freedoms and this fab lifestyle while having a lady friend at home for fun and companionship. If he was seeing a problem with this, he’d be trying to solve it. Staying home more would mean more downtime with you, but if that were a priority for him, he’d already be doing it. I’m not saying he doesn’t like/love you, but he’s not acting like a guy who’s feeling a lack of couple time and trying to remedy that. You may be important to him, but not as important at this point as his ability to jet around. I’m not sure trying to convince him he’d be gaining something by going away less is the right track. You should start by taking the pulse or temperature of the relationship and go from there.
What would he be gaining though?
