Kate
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I’ve had some meltdowns. I know what it feels like. I don’t think you probably need to worry here, KTFran. I would just think about whether, if you melt down on a guy rather than just tell him what you’re thinking, are you on as secure footing in the relationship as you should be? In your case I know you have some walls up and maybe the feeling of being vulnerable at all is so uncomfortable that it can lead to emotional overload. You do want to be careful about melting down too much, and maybe work more on trusting that you can come out and say how you’re feeling. Trust HIM I mean, that he can handle it.
Yes.
Thanks! Lianne did my bitmoji for me.
Ok, so, possibilities.. For a bigger, more expansive life? I really think, start setting up for that right now. Don’t live the same life you were living in your old house.
Veritek, why DID you buy that house? What did it represent to you? What did you envision in your head when you thought about making a move from your previous house to this one? What did it mean to you?
I don’t know… Maybe not everyone needs to take a dating break, but I think there’s a solid idea that’s been communicated on various threads, that if what you’re doing over and over isn’t working, and/or you don’t feel ok without a man around and need a man’s attention for validation, or if you have one or more major problems in your life that you need to get a handle on (boundaries with mom), it can be good and healthy to take some time and figure things out.
It’s a hugely powerful thing – not mystical bullshit – to realize you’re ok, just you, no one else. And if your problem has been not believing that and clinging to things that aren’t working as a result and coming on too strong and having freakouts, knowing you’re ok on your own (or learning not to give a shit like someone said) can free you.
Re: cleaning, do a few things each day like laundry, dishes, straightening up, sweeping… then spend an hour or two on Saturday morning doing things like mopping or the bathroom and washing the sheets.
@Muse, that routine is exactly what I was doing, and I’m with you that it really helps keep you on the level!
You know them though, Lianne. They’ve been together a little over a year and just bought a place together. I think the Naked Sundays was last year when it was new and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Although maybe it’s ongoing and that’s why they wouldn’t go to brunch yesterday.
Right, saying he “doesn’t understand hookup culture” and then following that up by talking about primal urges would suggest that he was hoping to lead into some sexy chat. He was either hoping you’d “help him understand” hookup culture, by getting into a discussion about it, or he was trying to give you false reassurance that, oh, HE’d never hook up. But then he threw in the “but people have primal urges” thing to get back on track. And if he really just wanted to commiserate, you two would be swapping crazy messages you get from people, and dating stories, in real time, rather than him trying to feel you out late-night and find out if you’re awake and alone. And I think any guy who tells you he only uses Tinder “for relationships” and isn’t open to hookups is just a liar.
Yeah, K, maybe he’s just looking for someone to commiserate with. I do think a 1 AM email about “whatcha been up to tonight” is an opener for “let’s fool around online,” though that’s not necessarily a bad thing if you want something like that in your life to help blow off steam. There’s no other reason for a guy to be asking on a weekend night around closing time, “did you have any success tonight?” If he really just wanted to swap dating stories, the context would be different.
I can kind of imagine a guy spending the weekend with you and not taking it to more than a kind of platonic level. Not that it’s par for the course, but I can definitely see it, especially if she’s fun to hang out with and a great hostess.
