Kate
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I dated in my mid 30s 10 years ago and yes, you could encounter all that behavior, but I think it’s way worse now. That said, women can do a better job of picking up on bullshit and not engaging with it. That’s always been true. There were always time-wasters and married dickheads on there.
Annnd now here come all the people getting sick with Covid after this week in the office. On Monday there was a lady in the bathroom taking a test because she’d gone to a conference and gotten an exposure email. A guy in marketing who I definitely talked to for 15 minutes on Tuesday just told me he’s really sick and tested positive (he’s boosted too). Several other people are also sick. I got an email from contact tracing. I feel fine and just took a negative test, but this is ridiculous.
That said, my boss is still the only person I know who came in symptomatic.
But yeah, I guess what were the magic words?
Yikes. I would guess because they are two young unattached people who both wanted to have a good time.
Get it, girl. You did what you wanted and you enjoyed it. And you were responsible about it. That’s great!
There may not be much more to it than, she can’t deal with socializing 2 nights in a row. Seriously. That’s how introverts are. Extraverts don’t get it. She’s probably also tired.
Wait a minute, why are you all by yourself on weekends?
Now at work we’re in a phase where some groups (not mine yet) are required to come in at least 3 days during their scheduled week each month. While not required for everyone, they really want us there for a min of 3 days that week, but we can also come in anytime. They are trying to make it a dynamic working experience that’s actually worth it so you’re not just zooming from the office, by scheduling you with people you work with, and doing ice cream socials and popcorn machine and happy hours (like anyone needs the extra calories but ok). I do appreciate that they’re trying to make this work. At least my boss can’t give us Covid rn because she just had it.
Personally I’m a very easy audience and laugh at everything. You have to find your niche.
Similarly, I don’t think telling him she just wants sex with him is a good idea either. First, because it’s not strictly true, she is open to more, and second because it’s not necessary in this context. There’s no indication this guy is interested in anything more than something casual. Context matters. If she saw some guy on an app who said, “I am looking for a relationship,” and she just thought he was hot and wanted to hook up, then sure, tell him you’re not looking for anything serious, or don’t message him. But here’s a guy who clearly IS keeping it casual, and she’s looking to be casual too, so a statement of intention is not needed. She just needs to talk to him and flirt.
This is starting to feel like harassing the LW. She says she knows what she thinks she wants, she’s seen the guy’s behavior (which can tell you a lot), and I don’t really see scheming or strategizing here, she’s just looking for a way to talk to him. She’s got to do it her way and see how it works out.
I don’t think this is an exact parallel to that situation. The guy in question seems to be having fun getting physical with different girls and not settling down with anyone. The LW is cool with that. I think it’s ok for this to just be about having a good time physically and not start out with the objective of getting to know him. Sometimes it can be like, this person is hot, I want to get with them, and I don’t really care who they are.
If the tables were turned and it was a guy who wanted to hook up with a chick who seemed to enjoy having fun with different guys, I don’t think I’d necessarily be urging him to get to know her.
It is kind of wild that you think he has sex with 1-2 different women a week but is a very studious, responsible, upstanding guy… while the women trying to have sex with him are “loose.”
I can see that you’re not in the US or North America, which most of us are, and so I can imagine young women may think about sex differently where you are. I give you the benefit of the doubt that you can appreciate something purely physical. But it’s not cool to call the other women loose for doing what you yourself would like to do. Unless you’re saying, hey, we’re all loose, I just don’t want to look like I am? I don’t know, that’s a lot to unpack, especially when the guy in question looks pretty damn loose.
