anonymousse
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That’s all fine and good but since it’s not your house, you wouldn’t be hosting, your mother would and she declined to or whatever. You just need to move past what you hoped would happen and accept the reality of what has taken place.
Your brother would presumedly know the state of the house and size and that you’d be sleeping in a chair and would be more understanding of your mothers hesitancy? He didn’t seem very flexible either. It almost sounds like he didn’t really give it much of a chance. What’s the issue with your mother hating his wife? Is it a race/religion thing or something personal?
Why don’t you go and visit him?
It’s truly sad that your heart is broken, but maybe work on your own independence and happiness. Definitely get away from your mother and family’s abuse. Move out as soon as you can.
I can totally understand not wanting to host three people for six weeks. You’re acting like it’s nothing, but she is in her seventies with what sounds like a dilapidated house. It may seem incredibly stressful to her. Not to mention she still has a grown adult child living with her, telling her what to do with her home and judging her choices.
And the thing is, we don’t have to understand or know why she is against this idea. It’s her house, and she gets to choose what happens there.
Why doesn’t she want the wife and grandchild there?
Look, you can stay involved in the toxic family drama or you can remove yourself from it.
The “cannot use technology “ is bs. It’s an excuse. My 96 year old grandmother used cells phones, laptops and would FaceTime me on her iPad before she died. My 75 year old FIL uses it all and even sends memes. It’s an excuse. It’s a refusal to learn new things, it’s stubbornness.
You can stay there, and live your mother’s life out with her or you can remove yourself from the abuse and drama and make your own relationship with your siblings that don’t involve mom drama. I suggest you move out as soon as you can if you can.
Yeah, it’s still pretty clear to me that what you were telling them, you shouldn’t have and it did scare them off. Call them and tell them to stay with you and fix up the room like you said you would. Talk to your mom and apologize. Apologize for what you said that turned your brother off and explain the situation to each of them. And then stay out of it and let them work it out.
I mean what is someone supposed to do when their sister is telling them there are no other accommodations and you can’t stay here? It sounds like you were clearly telling them there was no where for them to stay. They had no other choice but to cancel.
When I read this, this is what it sounded like to me:
like you’re mother is really anxious, and was maybe venting to you
like you did “go around behind her back” and speak to your aunt, your brother numerous times telling them what your mother was saying.
Sometimes people blurt out their worries and fears to vent it out, not because they really can’t see how they can accommodate anyone, but because it’s part of their process with planning and executing things outside of their normal wheelhouse. I could, of course be completely wrong about how I’m reading this. I don’t think you should have done so much intervention. You should have stayed out of it as much as possible (esp. when she was expressing her frustration with your efforts) and let your mom be in charge of communication with him, if it’s her house and she’s the host.
To me it does sound like you sort of scared them off and that’s why they called the trip off?
Wow, Phoebe, what a breach of trust.
I didn’t want anyone there but my husband and we took pictures of the baby, not my birth canal. I can’t even imagine what that felt like. I’m sorry.
It’s highly probable she’s not taking the car you paid half for already just because you’re being such a huge pain in the ass and treating her like a child.
Do you want your daughter to reach adulthood-I guess middle age, since she is already an adult-not knowing how to do a thing for herself? Not knowing how to decide?
She is not you. She is not struggling, praying for help at night. She’s asking you to respect her and you aren’t.
Good lord. I mean, what can you possibly say about this damn car that you haven’t already?
She said no.
If you respect her as an adult and want an adult relationship with her, you will stop pestering her and let her make her own decisions, whether you like them or agree with them. Only offer your opinion when she asks.
We understand, we just don’t agree with you.
Back off or get ready to have a lesser relationship than you have now with your daughter. She’s telling you explicitly she’s fed up by refusing your help with the car. It’s time to let up. You aren’t doing that, you’re still treating her like she’s a child and you know best. You don’t know best, you know best for YOU, not her. If you don’t start to consider what we’re saying, she will make greater boundaries with you.
I would go to the MOMA in a heartbeat. Because I’m dying to go and haven’t been in such a long time. And didn’t the Guggenheim do a huge renovation? I’m vicariously very excited for you.
Enjoy your trip, whatever you do!
