anonymousse
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It’s funny to have been in both camps. The I-definitely-cannot-see-myself-ever-having kids, to full on parenting.
I’m all about people’s freedom of choice.
I used to hate it when people said things like, “Oh, you will want them one day.” “You’ll change your mind.” “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”Or even now, “See, I always knew you’d be a mom.” It’s like a nice version of “I told you so.”
Holy shit, @ange. That’s the best dating advice. You just shut down half a dozen websites. That’s basically where I was at, too. I just did not give a f$&#, and gave up all “rules.”
Strangely, I never wanted kids. I never really had thought about it, other than, “there’s no way I’ll ever be mature enough, I can barely take care of myself…” Ha, ha. I thought my husband didn’t either, as he is much older than me (I thought he would’ve already had them, maybe, or be vocal about wanting them.) Now I’ve got almost two. What in the fuck.It was mainly my idea. And I do love kids. He was no pressure about it either way.
It’s been funny though, when meeting old friends of his or one of our old bosses (yep, met at work!) they say things like, “and you said you thought you’d never have kids or a family! Look at you now!” It’s pretty sweet. I had no idea he wanted either. We are stupidly in love and so happy. I wish that for all my fellow DWers.It’s crazy, but at 32… I feel at some points ancient with my toddler and almost second born (3 1/2 weeks to go!) and also like I did it WAY too early. On one hand, it would’ve been nice to have kids at a younger age because going without sleep would be easier (ha!) but the emotional maturity and stamina and ability to be selfless to take care of a little…I think it comes with age. (I can only speak for myself.) I’m selfish and really, really miss my previous life as a single woman, even with the absolutely awesome husband and kid. And for real, I do not know how all these LWs with horrible, horrible partners do it. I would not be able to take care of my kid and myself half as well as I do without my husband. I mean, I’m sure we’d be okay, but FFS, they really do have it rough. I really emphathize with any single parent, or parent who has an asshat for a partner. I cannot imagine how tough that is.
And yes, I too, had trainwreck after trainwreck of crazy bad relationships. I took a break from dating without meaning to (I had the occasional one night of fun mixed in.) And seriously, my husband started as my FWB. It just grew from there, and it literally began as filthy, dirty, awesome sex only. When people ask how we met, I think we both blush.
Lol, @Kate, your avatar is awesome.
And lol @Kare, awesome dates are pretty boring to read about when you put it like that, although I still like reading about them…I actually (embarrassingly) look forward to Monday comments to see how everyone’s dates were on the weekend.
Anytime I comment on any thread about how awesome my husband and my kid is, I sort of feel a little like a schmuck.Hey @Veritek, I just want to chime in and say, I love this thread. I’m truly sorry for the responses a certain commenter has been giving you. We, that have read along with you in DW and in the forums for so long, know you are doing your best with yourself, and your dating life, and that’s all anyone can do.
Its often refreshing to read this post and follow along with your and other stories of dating and relationships. Many wrote in today about their past struggles, then dating breaks, then meeting the right person, as I’ve written about my past many times, too. Never did I have the hindsight you have, nor the brutal advice and responses you sometimes get. You take it all as gracefully as anyone could. I couldn’t, personally. I can’t imagine how hard it is to share your personal life with others, even anonymously, and be open to constant criticism and feedback. You are like a secret DW dater X. Complete with commenters of all kinds.
Be easy on yourself. Take care of you, focus on your self care. I love routines, too. Humans do well with routine. Practice deep breaths, and the power of distraction, those techniques seriously help me through stressful times (especially emotionally abusive mom ones.)
As for TT, I think you just need to not dwell on it right now. It’ll either work out, or it won’t. Focus on you. If he’s more stress and worry than good, carefree times, then the obvious answer is to stop seeing him. But you need to do what feels good to you, not what a bunch of strangers think, including everything I’ve just said. Anyway, Internet hugs!Awww, @Veritek. We’ve all been there, no advice or suggestions (although I think his reactions sound really good, he sounds supportive and understanding and into you!) just an internet hug.
Too bad no one did ask you @jimmyjam. Dude, don’t expect to insult everyone, call us basic Kumbaya PSL bitches and expect us all to thank you for your intriguing perspective. You are a troll. You comment to get a reaction. #basic. &&##
@kare, pardon my bluntness, but if you want to be a beacon of good in your goddaughter’s life- you need to say something. What are you losing? Your friend is already pulling away.
This child is in harm’s way when she is with that man. If you don’t say anything, who is going to? Some people need a wake up call about how destructive their actions or inactions are. I mean, what’s next-drunk driving with the kid in the back? Hoping the neighbors don’t call the police and CPS?
I apologize for butting in when advice is not wanted, but children! That’s my weakness. They can’t advocate for themselves, and in a situation like this, someone needs to speak up and do something.
@theladye, I am so sorry this happened yet again. I think you really should find a good therapist and figure this out. You seem to want to believe anything these guys tell you, even when their actions are telling you the opposite. If kissing was so sacred to him…why now? It’s bullshit. You should be angry.Oh my god. Stay for your goddaughter. She’s really willing to potentially sacrifice her child’s safety for a boob job? And this is the same fucking guy who constantly makes jokes in front of all your friends about your sexual assault? She doesn’t sound like a friend. She sounds like aselfish idiot. SMH. Poor kid.
I know he’s got a vacation and is saving now…but if this was his attitude always about money, I’d MOA.
I don’t have any good ideas in this case, I just wanted to chime in and say it’s really awkward/thoughtless to have made you pay for your one drink, when you drove to meet him to keep him company. I agree, it’s gotta be at least a yellow flag.
The next time you are out, see what happens. I think there is a difference between being cognizant of your budget and trying to save, versus inviting someone out and being cheap about it. I think we can all agree five dollars is not a huge extravagance. How did he handle that? Did he ask for separate checks or just ask you to pay?
I haven’t been to the melting pot, but it is kind of strange that he’s having this reaction to money, a few dates in, especially when you have a groupon already…
I have never been out with anyone, friend, family or business who didn’t tip. I would leave it myself and probably never see them again.Kare, that’s fucking insane. I’m so sorry you have to deal with assholes like this!
Lianne’s is right. Do something for you today. Internet hugs.
