anonymousse

Are adoption records generally lumped in with criminal and “driving records?”

Maybe you should employ trusted childcare workers instead of doing background checks on your friends, neighbors and acquaintances.

It crosses the line when they haven’t consented to a check. That’s what almost everyone on this thread has said. You never asked her, let alone him to watch your children.

Spoiler alert:

There isn’t an actual audible POP sound Chris. That’s just a little FYI for you in case you get there.

Who’d you lose it to? Did they give a fck?

I understand what you were asking, but as you know, we often discuss the ethical and other aspects of posts. Forums, amirite?

In your initial post you wrote you don’t normally creep on people, so in some way you knew that might come up and you already felt that was creeping. His record is ALARMING. It is. If she was a friend of yours, I would be all caps typing you should tell her. But, as you’ve written, she really isn’t.

I still don’t think looking up criminal records on a county site is a normal first step. Asking her is the first step. If you are concerned to the point of creeping, that person probably shouldn’t be watching children for multiple days and overnight.

I wasn’t questioning whether she is capable of finding appropriate babysitters.

I also didn’t say she or her husband absolutely violated their privacy?

I wrote, “It seems a little invasive to me.”

I don’t know her husband’s methods, this background checking and sleuthing methods sounds like maybe it could be. I used the word borderline.

Nor did I ever say they ran a background check to intentionally destroy their careers. I was ruminating about the power this information holds once you have it.

I don’t see why my thoughts and tangents are more offensive when the letter writer is not unhinged. I also wrote that I’m not judging her or them for this search. I haven’t had to google a childcare candidate yet in my life, and I wrote that I could see myself in her shoes.

I’m sharing my thoughts and opinions as I form them. It’s a conversation in the forums. In no way did I say they are bad people for running whatever check.

I understand how having an easy feeling relationship with a teacher or a coach could feel like a natural progression to ask them to babysit your children, and I don’t think badly of her for doing that.

Where I am, there’s a boatload of options, all broadcasting their licenses and background checks, and I’ve never had to scramble to find childcare, or felt compelled to ask anyone I didn’t know really well to watch my children for days, including overnights.

I truly don’t mean to sound judgemental. I get that this was just a search, and whoops, you found something pretty alarming. I haven’t been in your shoes, but I can imagine being in them.

I just think it’s weird to have done that before asking her if she’d even be interested in watching your kids. Like she didn’t put herself out there for that kind of thing. She wasn’t looking for someone to do a background check on her or her bf.

It seems a little invasive to me. Sure, your husband found this information easily, but you also mentioned he’s a sleuth and knows extra ways to find records…so that sounds like it was more than a cursory google search. It’s a power you have over others in a way. And now you have potentially damaging information about this couple, or this man. You could take it to the gym, he could lose his job and she probably could too.

His record and past ARE alarming. But it seems like he’s on a better path now?

I would probably not perform this background check on anyone unless you have them watching your children. Even if it’s on the web, I believe people deserve a modicum of privacy.