anonymousse
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Okay, but this was weird because you didn’t ask her about babysitting, and you were sleuthing on her partner, not just her.
I understand the why- but I feel like this was a little too much when you hadn’t even lined her up as a sitter. Now you know this unfortunate, private information about her and her relationship. It’s a little over the line, I think.
I kind of don’t understand why sleuthing her boyfriend’s name was part of vetting her as a babysitter. That seems a little weird to me.
Regardless, are you absolutely sure it’s him? He doesn’t happen to have a fairly common name like John Smith or something?
I agree it’s not appropriate to make sure she knows about it.
Blaming his friends for his addiction and criminal behavior is bogus, Tiffani.
Adults are accountable for their actions.
Remember when you were blaming the mother from keeping your granddaughter from you?
But you still have made NO effort to see her.
Time is rushing by and you haven’t even gone to meet her once. That’s YOUR FAULT.
Maybe you are avoiding therapy because you’d have to think about your accountability. You’d have to look closer at yourself. Burying might make you feel better temporarily but it won’t last.
She pushed for this because she has some ill conceived fantasy that having a child will turn her drug addicted son’s life around. She didn’t think or care how it would actually affect them.
So, I’m going to guess you haven’t sought any help for your grief and you still haven’t even met your granddaughter.
It’s really no wonder her mother doesn’t want to speak with you.
Have you found a therapist?
Have you found a grief counselor?
Have you even seen your grandchild yet?
I meant, why are the people saying “her poor kids,” also raining down harsh condemnation, insults and blame on this girl? Why does the difference of a year or two take her from victim to culpable perpetrator?
At 21, she is now legally an adult (although still can’t rent a car!) but why is a young person a victim only up until age 18? If you have empathy for her kids in this situation, why not have empathy for her?
She should have known better, right? But how? With what tools? Even birth control and condoms aren’t always as accessible as you might think. And there are many communities that teach abstinence only. Which we all know doesn’t work, and here we are.
Can I remind everyone that the LW was also a “poor kid” when she began having children? Why does the few years that turned her into a young adult change her culpability? She’s still a child in many ways. Shes only 21. She’s already doing better. She’s secured housing, has a job and has left her abusive ex boyfriend.
Maybe the anger that makes you feel inclined to scream at her could be better used to donate to or volunteer at a PP or other service serving underprivileged youth.
I am the person who said I didn’t wish to ever read your cheezus crust comment again.
No one said you internet yelled.
Telling a young girl who’s clearly had a hard life that she’s the biggest mess you’ve ever read on here is unhelpful, probably untrue and just plain mean.
You don’t actually generally give anyone advice. You berate them, make fun of them or tell them they are a mess. That is not advice. That’s not telling them like it is, tough love or helpful in any real way.
And insert colorful phrases like…. cheezus crust for some god awful reason.
She wrote that her ex was abusive to her, so for all we know, it wasn’t always a choice. With an abusive partner, probably some coercion, and growing up in a disenfranchised home might mean she never learned that she even has a choice.
This is an advice site, not a let’s all lay down more abuse on someone who’s less privileged or clearly looking for help or in an abusive situation or made bad choices in the past. If you like abusing random strangers on the internet, there are plenty of sites that fit the bill.
Telling or listing options for someone is different than all caps screaming at them.
Recommending she not have babies/use bc is different than internet screaming at her to get sterilized. You are right, she’s led a sad, hard life. Being intentionally rude or cruel is going to help her or her children in no way. Realism is different than cruelty.
Being rude or cruel to her isn’t actually going to help her children in any way.
Advocating her to use birth control is different than internet screaming at her to get sterilized.
