ktfran
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You can have intimate conversations without it being about sex. Also, I’m really curious if you’re comfortable letting your husband know about everything you discussed with your friend.
LW, I know how good it makes you feel to connect with someone. Be flattered by someone. Get attention. I had an emotional affair a long while ago with someone different. It was a mess because I let it get too far.
This guy, your friend, had the sense to stop. He decided to work on his marriage. Really, I agree that if you aren’t comfortable showing your husband the conversations, you did something wrong.
The key is to figure out what and use that information to work on your marriage. What needs aren’t being met that you found elsewhere?
EDT: I figured out what I was lacking in my relationship at the time I had the emotional affair. At that point, the relationship was beyond repair, but not for lack of trying. I did use that information to help choose my husband. I didn’t want to fall into the same trap again.
I think you’re fooling yourself if you think this wasn’t an emotional affair. I don’t know many married people that connect like that with a friend who isn’t their spouse.
I’m 100% ok with my husband having friends of the opposite sex. I’m 100% ok with him talking to, e-mailing and grabbing a drink or dinner with a female friend. What I would not be ok with is him texting her first thing in the morning. Or right before bed. Or talking intimately. Or regular video chats. So likely, he either figured out what he was doing was wrong and he wanted to work on his marriage, or his wife found out and made him stop. Basically what everyone else has said.
Figure out what you’re missing in your life that his happened. Work on your marriage. Visit a counselor if you need to. Forget about this friend.
So yeah. I’m in the look all you want camp. But I’m also in the do not disclose camp. Especially anonymously. If you’re going to internet snoop without being prompted, keep the information to yourself. If you can’t handle what you may find, don’t internet snoop.
EDT. Or I guess I should say if you want to snoop, be prepared to handle the fallout. In this case, it might mean losing a coach both you and your child really like.
Receiving an anonymous “tip” would totally skeeve me out. I wouldn’t like it, even if the information was useful. I’d be more worried someone was checking into my private life and I’d feel unsettled.
I’ve never lived with a dude unless we were engaged. So twice I’ve lived with a dude and both times I was engaged first. I likely would have moved in prior if I knew an engagement was imminent. It just worked out lease-wise.
I suppose my thinking was like MissDre’s. But yes, to each their own.
A little over a year in, the husband and I went to Napa for a weekend getaway. I was pretty sure he was going to propose. While out at dinner on the second night, we were sitting at a bar, taking a break from wine and enjoying a beer. Of course, we were a little tipsy. Or maybe we were both drunk. He asked if I thought he was going to propose that trip. I said yes. He said he wasn’t. That was that and I figured it was going to be a few months down the road. I wasn’t really that sad, because I knew it would happen eventually. He proposed two weeks later at his house about a half hour before we were headed to a gala at MSI. It was perfect. And I was totally surprised!
He could propose in Paris! Or if he was smart, do it when you’re least expecting. Although, a lot of my friends have gotten engaged on trips to Europe.
So my best advice, don’t put too much pressure on the trip and tell friends to lay off.
Why stop at this LW? Why not sterilize every economically disadvantaged person who comes from what sounds like an abusive background? Maybe then they’ll learn? Because honestly, many only know what they experience.
Those of you who admonish this LW instead of offering helpful advice to better her situation, what do you do to help people that have a rougher life than you? What kind of outreach do you do? Me, I mentor at risk kids. I’m not paying lip service.
If it’s not obvious, I’m with Kate and skyblossom on this one.
We had the hard finance convo when we first started talking marriage, which was about 8 months after our first date. We knew we weren’t going to move in together before engagement, at a minimum, so we brought it up when marriage talk happened. I had cc debt. I was stupid at a young age and then I had a hard time getting out of it. I was embarrassed to tell him, but he needed to know. He didn’t ask for proof or anything and he suspected I had some. We came up with a plan together for me to get out of it. And I did. Since I had cc debt, we decided he’d purchase the condo because he has outstanding credit, etc. We also talked prenup, but ultimately decided against it.
Yes to what Kate said about paying. And yes to everything everyone said about the no guy. Gross. Also, the “he seems taken with me” and “he’s in no rush” are contradictory. He wants to have sex with you. I’m sorry. That’s what he wants.
After the first couple of dates, we took turns. He usually ended up paying more, but he also makes quite a bit more than me. I always try/tried to pay my fair share though.
@Copa… don’t overanalyze or compare the amount of time spent with Bumble vs. previous guys. It’s a really good sign that he’s continually making dates despite his work travels. Just take it day by day and see where it goes!
“He’s a loser who isn’t worth it.”
That line made me thing of…
“You’re a virgin who can’t drive.” – Tai
