36 and Forever Single
- This topic has 103 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 2 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Also late to the party. Now that you have a rockin’ profile – start training yourself to speak positively and actively. I bet you use “just” in your ever chatter. “I’m just shopping, I’m just thinking… ” blah blah blah. Start practicing date language.
1. Practice asking questions. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. If you ask a person about themselves, at the end of the evening they’ll think you are a brilliant conversationalist.
2. Don’t speak negatively about yourself. Seriously, unless it’s humorous (“I am so blind without my glasses one time I stole the neighbor’s cat thinking it was mine!”) don’t say anything bad about yourself. Dates are like job interviews. You don’t have to be all “I’m the most awesomest person ever!” but no one wants to spend their evening boosting someone else’s self-esteem. It is a date-killer. Confidence is charming and sexy.
3. Just because they like you – doesn’t mean you have to like them. Being alone is hard. But you can be picky. You really can. There are certain things that you can influence, and certain things that you can’t. For me, if he was rude to the waiter – I’d Nope on out of there. But if he wore a clean, but really stupid looking sweater… not a deal breaker.
On the things to look out for ( yes to waiter/bar tender treatment as a sign to pay attention to):
1) Oh & if he brings up his ex and precedes to tell you how awful/crazy she is etc is, then cross that man off your list of men you date.
2) Listen to how he talks about his family and/ or friends. If it’s positive and kind- good. Or if says he’s not close to them, but wishes he was also fine. But if everything is about how much better he is to them or that horrible thing he did to them or etc …walk away.
Also personally I’m against dinner dates until maybe 3 dates in. I know it’s traditional, but there is nothing worse then being trapped with someone while you wait for courses and don’t know enough about each other to sustain conversation. I like meeting for a drink or two & leaving after 2 hours max. Next date some sort of activity, be it going to a gallery or bowling etc. As then you get see more of their personality and less pressure to be on show. Flirting is also easier on these dates too as there isn’t a table and food between you.
Good luck.
Also late to the party – but I want to emphasize LisforLeslie’s points above. It’s tough to be confident when you don’t FEEL confident, but I’m a big fan of fake-it-till-you-make-it. I’ve always been a fairly reserved person and was a shy kid. After college, I got a job waiting tables because I had $30 in my bank account and the rent was gonna be due. And I needed those tips! I was scared to death to go up and talk to all those strangers, but figured that friendliness was going to pay better. So I smiled big and acted like I was a charming person. After doing that over and over, now I’m really good at faking charm, haha! Wendy’s re-write is great, and you sound like an interesting and thoughtful person. Remember that your dates also need to impress YOU.
Sending out messages is fine, just don’t be surprised if you don’t hear much back. That’s pretty normal. I don’t think I ever heard back from a guy I messaged first.
Do you have new pics? I can’t stress enough that good-quality photos that show what you look like, both close up and standing, are table stakes, and you can’t play without them.
I want to wait until after I my hair appointment next week so I can get it all done at once.
I’m used to not getting responses. It’s why I quit the first time.
I think what I’d do if I were you is disable my account right now, then re-activate it next week with new pictures and see what happens. You might start getting a bunch of messages because it signals that you’re “new,” and your profile will now look different / new.
Hmm, LW would you be amenable to posting a link to your pictures? I don’t have a Match account, so I can’t see the before or after pictures.
That’s cool. I guess I just wanted to see the transformation based on Wendy’s advice. No worries though, I hope it works for LW.
Oh well, I am sometimes a little too nosy. 🙂
Oh yeah, I’d love to see the transformation too, we all love a B&A makeover story.
My thought is that the profile re-write, as great as it is, won’t get her any more messages and dates than she’s gotten in the past, because realistically you have to have certain pics or people will just skip past you. So I thought she might want to wait til the new pics are ready before debuting the new profile.
