Am I Too Clingy
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And as for anonymousse, my point was some things regarded that. But others didn’t. Some were just my fears overall.
For me, I think my fault was letting his love-bombing behavior make me like that. It made me crave it and expect it. In the future I think if any man asks me to date that quickly and introduces me to his family, I will evaluate right then and there. Thank you.
This dude lied & love bombed you. Now you know. Always pay attention to actions not words. It isn’t too much to want a daily text from your bf. It’s also good to tell your partner exactly what you want. I understand getting clingy when you’re getting mixed signals. But anytime you find yourself trying this hard to make the relationship work, especially in the beginning, it’s a dud. People who want to be with you will make it clear. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of people who will waste your time telling you all the right things, but not follow up with actions
Truly, I don’t think it’s ever all right to send someone paragraphs of text… unless maybe you’re giving them detailed instructions that they asked for, like how to unclog a toilet. It’s just not. Even if you ask them and they say it’s okay, it isn’t. You should be processing those feelings in person in a breakup talk, or in your journal or with your therapist. If you have so much to say and your only outlet is text, the situation is all kinds of wrong.
If you take anything away from this, please let it be to pay attention to a guy’s behavior over what he says.
Given how you react here, I think “clingy” is not the right word. I would say: obsessed. And you found a guy who was compatible for a while, because he wouldn’t give a dam about your texts, just enjoyed sex and attention for a while, and when you became too intense, he ended it.
Relax and again, just let the other be, to watch the signs. This is not so complicated, you know. Observe and act accordingly.
Maybe I am old school, but dating exclusively and being someones GF/BF are not the same in my eyes. You can date exclusively without putting labels on things. Also, maybe old school, but labelling and being someones BF/GF after 4 weeks of dating seems…fast.
Reading your OP and the subsequent messages and responses to everyone it seems there was a lot of over thinking on your end. I text weekly with guys I start dating, but usually to book a next date or confirm things. Rarely do I get to the point one month in that daily texts are expected. That just seems like too much too fast.
Next time, take things slow. Remind yourself there is time and plenty of it right now to know someone. Relationships are not built in a day. Also, if there is a lack of reciprocation of messaging and or equal effort put forth by a person you are dating, they are most likely not that into you.
As much as you may not like it, I think all of the perspectives you’ve been given are correct. @Kate has outlined that this guy lovebombed you and you didn’t take the appropriate steps back, you fell for it. Then when he started to back up and be less available @FYI and @Anon noted that your reaction was to jump forward seventeen steps. That’s what happens with the lovebomb; they back off and the partner runs forward.
You may normally not be clingy, but you fell for this relationship tactic and became clingy. You wanted him to behave a certain way – to be fair the way he originally presented himself. You believed him when he said he loved you after a month (again – not a good sign coming from him) and expected him to behave like your needs were important and when he didn’t you pushed and he pushed back. He was done playing good boyfriend.
So now you know that you have it within you to be clingy. You have the ability to be needy. Take a step back and decide whether you’re going to check yourself in the future and determine if the person you’re with is making you feel insecure and off kilter or safe and taken care of. If the former, maybe it’s not his job to reassure you, but your job to determine if the relationship is working for you and if not, get out.
And please do not disregard Kate’s comment and advice about love bombing. This guy love bombed you: an action which is not romantic but a precursor/ marker to an abusive relationship. It’s helpful to see what you did and did not do, but it will be very, very helpful to you in the future to judge and weigh the actions of people you meet. That love bombing is a huge red flag. You are fortunate not to be involved. (See Lundy Bancroft’s work on abusive relationships. As in we aren’t stupid. We won’t go out with or want to see a guy who is overtly mean. They save that for later. And one of the ways the abuser acts early on is that intense love bombing, making the other person think / feel they are special)
