Am I Too Clingy
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I first learned about love bombing many years ago when my neighbor, an attractive divorced woman in her 30s, helped expose this guy she thought was her fiancé, but he turned out to be one of those serial scamming sociopaths with lots of different women who thought he was their boyfriend or fiancé and he was tricking them out of their money and buying Bentleys to trick other women. Sociopaths and abusers use this tactic to suck in vulnerable women.
But it also happens with people who have whatever mental health issues that make them unable to have a healthy long-term relationship. They start off at 60, go to 100, and then back to zero within weeks, or maybe 3 months tops.
Both types are a huge liability. Know your own worth, and also know that it takes normal (well-adjusted) people some time to form a real connection, and that it happens progressively, not instantaneously.
The guy very well may be a love bomber, but truly that is only HALF the problem here. The LW has bizarre concepts about both control and texting. Sending anybody paragraghs of texts and thus berate them about your feelings is pretty textbook definition batshit crazy.
It just is. It really, truly is.
And unless that changes —- newsflash! — nobody worthwhile is going to stick around very long. And that’s just a reality the LW seems most unwilling to heed. Her reaction to many of the posts here is equally off. Wayyyyyy too defensive and almost hostile.
I mean —- hey, who knows? He might have been sincere. He might have genuinely thought she was pretty fucking fabulous… only then… she started texting.
That has definitely happened to me.
I think the reactions I had were due to already hurting. After the time I had to sit and think about it, I actually did heed the advice and realized I won’t be that trusting that quickly. I won’t jump into a relationship so quickly either, and that way I won’t be holding someone to any expectations. When someone isn’t my boyfriend, I don’t have expectations, period. I also really just missed him and wanted to hear from him- didn’t want to control what he did. Wanted to hear from him cause I was excited about us. I actually don’t think even the guy thought I was crazy, sometimes I would even tell him I was going to shut my phone off because I was drinking or feeling emotional, and he would get upset because he wanted me to be vulnerable with him at all states. I was only listening to what he originally told me he wanted. Which, again, naiveness.
Also, there was no berating (: not everything had to do with him. I dealt with a family death recently and a lot of my feelings I sent regarded that too.
I think what I did a poor job of explaining is the fact that when I did bring stuff up that bothered me, it would always be in the midst of a conversation where he would make the same misogynistic joke/off-putting commentary that he had previously made to me. and i would address it right there and express that i didn’t like when he said things like that, and why i felt what i did. THAT would be when he didn’t respond. I never texted my feelings out of the blue. i did make it seem like that in my body sumbmission, but that’s never really how it went down besides when i dumped him.
Oh so he makes misogynistic comments too. And sleeps til noon, and meets none of your needs as a boyfriend. When you see yourself going to crazy town over a guy like that, or any guy, you need to take a big step back and say, what am I doing?
Yes…actually every time I texted him about something regarding “him”, it always dealt with a misogynistic comment/ a comment geared towards women that he had just texted to me. Funny enough, the paragraphs came in when I would actually try to cover up how much it upset me by going into deep and kind explanations. Like a “let me explain why that comment hurts me, it’s not because of you! You’re awesome!” type of paragraph. Looking back on it, I should’ve just yelled at him and walked out the door. Never again will I put up with that.
That is great, Soph! If you carry away that lesson about what you will & won’t put up with in future, it’s absolutely golden, and will make the whole rest of your life immeasurably better. I was afraid that, at first, you were just bristling at most of the (excellent, IMHO) advice you were getting, and tuning it out. And it sounds like you’re already feeling tender from a recent family loss. But it is SO valuable to know your worth, and walk away quickly from love-bombers and from people whose actions don’t match their words. Best wishes.
You like to bury the lede. The guy is a bit of a jerk. Move on already. But in the future — keep texts brief.
I did bury the lede unintentionally. I was in a place of denial that he was still a good guy- didn’t want to face the truth.
