LadyE, I feel for you. I have been there. Probably we all have at some point in another, in different circumstances but similar emotional turmoil.

I wanted to say something just for you to mull over–it could not apply because I am definitely projecting here. But I went through many years of dating; multiple years-long relationships and months-long and many first dates, and I was not ready to have sex with anyone because of some anxiety over deep-seated fears or beliefs that were passed to me that I couldn’t shake. And this caused me to have some sort of subconscious feeling that I might not be worth someone great, because they’d break up with me if I wasn’t ready to sleep with them (and this happened sometimes, and other times it didn’t). I’m only saying this because it’s possible this plays into your choice of dates. You don’t have to necessarily date someone who is also very religious and waiting–if it’s the right person and you build a connection, they will understand because you are wonderful and gorgeous and funny and WORTH it. Maybe it won’t stick with the first or second guy but maybe the third or fourth. Just might help to expand horizons and raise the bar and believe that if you meet the right person it will work out and feel easy, at least most of the time. And agreed that it might help to talk it out with someone for a few sessions. You are a wonderful person and you will get through this and be happy again 🙂

@theLadyE how are you feeling today? I hope you’re doing ok…and I hope you are over the shock a bit and can put his behavior in perspective. Sending you hugs.

@LadyE – I’ll stray from the others, and I’ll say that I’m not sorry for you, or that you experienced this. Not because I’m being mean, but because you just dodged a hell of bullet. You’ve realized a pattern, realized that this guy is stringing you along and you had your gut telling you stuff was off, and now you’re free form his push and pull bs that he did to draw you in. I completely think that by now he expected you to give it up, while saying he wasn’t ready for it, blah blah. You can’t change a person. You can’t fix someone that doesn’t realize they need help or who don’t want the help (even when they know they’re broken).

I am confident that you’ll recover, learn, and move on and come out better than ever. Life is full of change, and through these experiences we learn to change our expectations, and learn to expect better, to be treated better, to feel better, to be happy. Please do seek counseling if you can to really pinpoint the pattern, to learn new steps in identifying the manipulation, etc.

So…. this weekend, my cousin is in town for my other cousin’s (her sister’s) shower. I think I while ago I asked if I should invite the guy. I did. But he has another engagement. However, tomorrow night my aunt that lives in Chicago is having dinner and he’s coming with. So… he’ll meet:

Two aunts
Three cousins
A cousin’s husband
And three of my cousin’s kids.

YIKES!

Hey peeps!
I actually don’t have any exciting plans for the weekend… I’m going to an engagement lunch on Sunday for a friend of my parents/former neighbor who is getting married next year. She’s really sweet and I’m happy for her- she’s in her mid-40’s and met her fiancé online maybe a year or 2 ago. She’s as happy as could be, and had told my mom that she never thought she’d ever get married. (So! There is hope for us all! 🙂 ) Other than that, I have some chores to do, including putting together a presentation to give to my office about the conference I attended at the beginning of October. (not fun, but it’ll be good to get it done, or at least partly done!)
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I went on a date last night to a craft beer place- Nice guy, very chatty, works in tech but down to earth and has many different interests. Overall, a nice way to spend an hour and a half. Don’t think I’ll see him again, but that’s ok. I’m really not pursuing much of anyone on eHarmony… I frankly am not really excited over the matches I get, and I’m feeling a bit like I just want to be left alone right now. I have a lot going on, and I just am not excited so I’m not stressing over it right now.