Difficult situation
- This topic has 174 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by
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Jesus, no. Stop hassling her. She’s been clear she is not interested in your cuddle-buddy relationship anymore. Leave it alone.
she responded with: “im sorry, i can’t give you what you want”. That was the last time we saw each other, about a week ago.
She doesn’t necessarily think you’re in love with her, but she doesn’t want a physical relationship with you. She knows she’s not interested in having sex with you, and cuddling probably lost its appeal once she realized she’s not interested.
Instead of trying to strategize or play games to get her to reconsider, you need to respect her decision and move on.
Yeah, no, this is not good advice:
“I suggest that you aim at getting honest information from her. Ask her what you need to know in such a way that will increase the chances that she will answer honestly. Let her know in your tone of voice and words you choose, that she is safe telling you her truth.
And be truthful with her. Who knows, maybe that will be so refreshing to her, so unusual in her experience, that she will become very interested in you, feeling closer to you.”
Do not follow up on this and try to get her to tell you some kind of “truth.” That’s intrusive and not appropriate in this situation. Leave it.
You know, she knows and we all know that you want more than cuddling. Accept it, it isn’t going to happen.
“Maybe i should just stop giving her attention, somehow make know that im seeing other girls?”
She will be relieved when you do that so go ahead and do it but she won’t be jealous. Quit trying to press her for a relationship. It just makes you creepy and if you get a reputation as creepy you will be done dating for a while.
It is disappointing when you want something more than the other person. She can’t help the fact that she doesn’t feel the chemistry necessary to want to have sex with you. She has realized it doesn’t work for her. Accept it. Be disappointed. Sit out dating for a while if it helps or jump back in if it helps. Sooner or later you will move on and then you have the opportunity to be with someone who wants you as much as you want them.
* Dear Kate:
I would like to understand: in your profile it reads that your role in this website is “keymaster”- I don’t know what it means. Does it mean that it is your job to evaluate others’ advice and report your evaluation to the original poster, as you have done regarding my advice here?I am asking this question for no other reason than to find out if indeed this is your role or job, if you are here in the position of authority in this regard.
anita* Dear anita:
Here’s the clarification you seek:
http://dearwendy.com/housekeeping-forum-moderation-etc/
It’s my personal opinion that the advice you gave this particular poster was not good. Demanding honesty and clarity from someone you cuddled with a few times and who stated that they’re not interested in anything further is inappropriate.
kateWell I’m not a keymaster and I agree it is BAD advice. You can’t GET something from someone or demand they give you honesty. You can ask for it but she’s already given the OP the information he needs. She’s not interested. She has gone as far physically as she wants to go. She wants to go no further. She owes him no explanation, no deep discussion, no game playing (maybe if she’s sees I’m with other girls she’ll get jealous).
What the OP is asking for is “How can I make someone love me/desire me?” and the answer is You Can’t.
Dear Kate:
Thank you for your quick reply and the link. I read it. It doesn’t state that your (volunteer) job is to comment on others’ advice. I figure this is something you choose to do and maybe other members on the site do so as well, in the direct way that you have (I am new here). Am I correct?
And if I understood correctly, does it mean that you are okay with other members pointing to your advice as not a good advice and telling the original poster to not follow your advice?
anita
Dear anita:
I think Wendy’s post very clearly states what’s involved in my volunteer role, and that any opinions I state are my own.
Re: your second question: Sure, have at it. Other readers certainly have.
Kate.
Like what do you think I’m gonna do if someone says, “DDWKS?” File an official report that I was disagreed with on the Internet?
