This is the column in question: “My New Wife Has Driven My Daughter Away”. The woman it was written about — the new wife — went snooping in her husband’s email, found the link to the column, read it, and decided to write to me to set the record straight. It’s a doozy (basically, she gives sarah b a run for her money in the crazy department):

Hi! I have big respect on you and whatever business you have though I’ve never heard about you or your website, except from my husband’s letter. So please try to read the whole letter before you react.

You guyz need to stop judging someone you barely know. You get to read so much problems asking for comments/opinions here and all of you guyz can do is say things against the person when in fact you don’t even know their life – AT ALL! You criticize on someone just ‘cause a guy told everyone that his wife told her daughter on the white board that: I’M YOUR DAD’S WIFE NOW, SO DEAL WITH IT! Why do you ever know the story behind that sentence???!!! NO! Maybe my husband needs to elaborate more of what happened and why I wrote that on the white board. I DID NOT YELL AT THE KID, EVER!!! It was just written on a caps lock ‘cause I’m trying to stress the importance of the sentences/words, rather than the volume. First and foremost, there’s no sound coming out from the letters. It just so happened I wrote it in big letters.

When in fact, me and my husband talked about that board on the same day her mother picked her up ‘cause the kid told the mother what happened, so she walked out from the house. I told my husband: I’ve been here 4 months now and maybe we need to do something about the white board (There are drawing of some stuff and phone number of her mother and some other not appropriate things ‘cause I’m the ‘wife’ now. My husband said it was his board and that he had it for a long time so it’s okay to clear the board ~ Which I did. However, that night when they both arrived in the house I was assuming my husband talked to his kid about the white board. But he didn’t so nobody made any comment that night. I thought everything was fine, until the day I woke up the next day and got to the kitchen, I saw her writing: _____(Kid’s name)___ Board, Do not Erase!!! So!!! I was completely in shocked that a 10 years old kid, who is now 11 y/o wrote that on the board. My husband didn’t even say a word. I don’t know if he knew about it which he said he didn’t. Who knows since he always microwave pancake for her in the morning ‘cause that’s what she wants. But I believe him if he really didn’t know about it. I’ve always been wondering if he ever saw that writing of his kid on the board or not, just ignored it and wait for me to see it, which he does tolerate things to this kid, at times. So, that’s the time I talked on the phone to the husband again, He said: See what you did? I’m like really?! We had agreement and you’re gonna say that, besides his the one who even said clear up the board. I still have the conversation on facebook chat. I couldn’t tolerate a 10 years old to provoke me so I wrote that. However, there’s no yelling/shouting happened in the house. It was a quiet time and I never will yell on his daughter ‘cause first of all, it’s his daughter. I think I’m better than that and I know my rights with the kid. How in the hell can I ever yell someone else child?! I’m an educated person, it happens that a kid is provoking me all the time. There’s a lot of things that happened even before that, I was just ignoring it. The husband knew that! Every time I have complain about the kid, I always directly tell him first then he’s the one who would tell her.

What’s your opinion on a 10 years old, now 11 years old making his dad cut her pancake in the house and in the restaurant? What about tying her shoes all the time? And yeah, getting a juice in the fridge always telling his dad to get her a glass of juice? And oh, the husband is also doing her laundry all the time and a lot more. Her room is so dirty/messy that I couldn’t stand it but deal with it. So, what I did was talk to him about it and make suggestion for the own good of his kid. That’s what I did. When we’re eating, I never even bother to ask her to put her plates on the washer, never that I told her that and my husband knows. Up to now, her room is the same. I was gone for 2 months just to be away from him. When I came back at the house, place was as usual, big slob. Just like when I first arrived here in the States.

I wanted to correct you Dear Wendy that I’m not a Bully!! You said: There’s must be something about her which is me that has rocked his world. Yeah, definitely!!! You know why? First of all, I’ve known him for 16 years, mostly we talk online. However, December 2002 he was supposed to meet me on New Year’s Eve in the Philippines, but he called up like 4 hrs before and telling me he couldn’t show up ‘cause he got stuck in at Chicago airport security and all crap. So I got furious ‘cause I can’t believe the guy I trusted since April 1999 (which I’m not supposed to) called me last minute that he can’t make it. He could have called like a day before so I can make better plans. But instead I got stuck at the apartment alone since all my flatmates went to their own family so I had to spend New Year’s alone that year. After that I keep emailing him what happened and didn’t hear from you for 3 or 4 months, then all of a sudden he emailed me this long email of lies (that time I didn’t know yet he was lying), that he got stuck at the airport and all the crap that was never true. But I try to believe him cause I didn’t have a choice. I figured deal with it and move on.

So as day passes by, he decided to see me the next year which was Jan 2003. He showed up so I was happy and we hang out. We had fun! The communication kept going, that same month I left for Canada then we keep talking again. To make story short, whilst I’m in Canada, I found out the truth about why he didn’t show up and his visit that month. He didn’t really initiated admitting it to me. But I found out on my own research, that he didn’t show up ‘cause he was with another girl in Singapore. So basically he flew to Singapore while he stood up someone in the Philippines. Then when he finally came see me, I didn’t know he was already engage. So I’m pretty shocked with all the lies. I was upset ‘cause how come he didn’t tell me in person, I could have understand and as usual, deal with it. It’s not that I’m expecting something from him, all I wanted for him is to be honest with me. I’m never that hard to talk to about things and my friends know that.

We still talk for a while, but when I left Canada I had to move on and forget the friend I thought he was. He got his ex-wife pregnant so they had to get married. Then in between his marriage, he still contact me saying hi, how are you? I was back in School at that time so was pretty busy with my life and forgotten about him. I replied that he shouldn’t contact me ‘cause his married and all. Little did I know that his marriage with this girl was miserable and he told me he was getting a divorce. To make story short, he got divorce in 2011 and when I was in NZ he came see me then it all started my good relationship with him. He made me give up everything in NZ including my application for Residency, job, flat, friends and all. So I had to choose between USA and NZ. I love it in NZ dearly and I don’t mind staying there. I was even wanting him to live there with me but ‘cause of his child, he can’t. So, I have to make a choice which I told him I’d rather lose NZ than lose him. So I end up being here in the States.

When we were in a long distance relationship, I did had to trust him no matter what he did to me, besides it’s been a long time that I forgotten about it. But I can always recall what happened in the past since I have a very good memory about it. I’ve never met his child except once on Skype. He went to NZ 3x (Dec 2012, Aug 2013 and April 2014), Before he came see me the first time, I wasn’t expecting much from him ‘cause I figured it nothing works on this one after 10 years, I’m already willing to give up making friends with him online ‘cause I’m sick and tired talking on cyber with him anyway. Not after 13 years at that time. Besides I’m too old with his lies/bs. So seeing him after 10 years if no magic with him, that would be it for me. However, that didn’t quite work that way. Once we met at the airport after 10 years, the magic was totally there! We we’re so missing each other and I know he was sincere with his feelings when he came see me the first time. So we started dating right on his first visit to NZ.

Before he arrived the first time, I bought him a gift ‘cause that was Christmas 2012 and I figured I’d also buy his kid a gift, but he didn’t know about that not til he left a few days of his flight back to U.S. I was being nice to the kid since I haven’t met him, maybe a nice gift would be appreciated. But I told him it’s up to him if he wanted to tell his kid it came for me. So dunno what he said.

So to make the story short with the kid since it has something to do with her about this email. I’ve always been nice to the girl. However, one time in Jan 1, 2014 I received an email on my fb account from his kid, but I didn’t read it til after 3 months ‘cause it went to my ‘other’ folder on fb. So she wrote:

[My name], I don’t like this photo because it’s really embarrassing. Would you please take it down?

So that’s her email to me from a 10 years old. I was so shocked and disappointed so I told my fiancé, husband now that his daughter message me about a cartoon picture sitting on a glass of wine with some Happy New Year on top, bubble bath and took out our tiny picture and posted it on the cartoon character. What’s wrong with the picture?! First of all, nothing. It’s not naked picture, it’s not disgusting picture and it was actually a cute HPY greeting to my fiancé. I can’t believe she had the guts to email me like that when she doesn’t even really know me. Btw, I did not reply to her email. I ignored it, ‘cause that’s what I’m supposed to do. From the very start I know the kid didn’t like me. I know and I understand her feelings ‘cause his dad divorce her mother. But then it’s not my fault! I have nothing to do with their divorce, besides my husband even had ex-girlfriend before me. I actually didn’t know that his gonna marry me but he fell deeply in love with me that’s why we end up in marriage. I was also seeing someone in NZ, not officially before he came visit me the first time. But I chose him ‘cause I knew him longer and completely blinded by him, again.

I’m writing to correct you for the very inappropriate words you said against me. I don’t know who you are, but I know you have a website that you’re trying to have a good reputation from people who email you about their lives and ask for opinions, suggestions, comment – whatever that is. Corrections on your letter:

1) She calls me wonderful because I AM a wonderful human being. It just so happened that his daughter is raised very differently from what I expected and she doesn’t appreciate things and very disgraceful. My husband doesn’t like how his ex-wife handles her so there’s nothing he can do with that ‘cause mother has more influence than a father.

2) Me and my husband knew each other for 16 years, it might be mostly long distance but we usually talk online for 3,4,5,6 and longest 7 hours online, done video chat, phone etc (on and off) Been there done that!

3) FYI, I’m not after the green card ‘cause basically he made me give up my residency in NZ. So therefore, I have no choice but to deal with the green card here. Got that? Not that I enjoy living in the desert, when I was living in Auckland, NZ which was Wayyyyy better!!!

4) I AM NOT A BULLY!!! You need to be careful with your words ‘cause you can get in trouble with that especially you have a website to protect.

5) Be nice to people who ask counseling from you. You’re supposed to be a good example, not add up insult to the injury.

He didn’t really show me his email to you, however, by accident I got to see the word: New wife, unhappy child from his inbox which I got curious of while I was checking some 3D samples to print. Also, by accident I saw an email from a girl from May to Dec 2013, while we were having a long distance. So that’s 2 headache I got! Basically, he was doing the same thing to me when he was married to his ex-fiance/ex-wife. I confronted him, but he said that was nothing that they just went out once. I’m like really?! You have a gf and you’re flirting with another girl? How fun is that?! I know him too well that he couldn’t bs with me anymore. I know his style with women already. He’s an introvert guy who likes to meet girls online, hang out with them and maybe he can get laid or something. However, he said his been faithful to me ever since we got married which I hope he is, but only God can tell. Besides, I sure do believe in Bad karma and he already paid some of it. I maybe not see what his doing, but ‘someone’ can.

I didn’t expect him to be doing the same mistake he’ve done before but it seems he keeps doing it. Anything can happen in the future. Who knows?! I didn’t marry him to end up in divorce, which is not in the list yet, cause if I knew I would rather be single and stay happy in NZ. However, only time will tell living with him. For now we’re trying to work things out ‘cause that’s what marriage is. I got into this mess so now I’m gonna have to deal with it, hopefully for life.

Thank you.

• This topic was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Dear Wendy.