It looks as though the text in my previous response got a bit mixed up so here it is again below.

You have raised a number of interesting and reasonable points and I’ll try and address them individually.

“Have you built relationships with children- are you an uncle?” – Yes I am, and over the years the experience has played a major part in making me want to bring up children of my own.

“Do you volunteer for the boys and girls club?” – No but I have taught teenagers professionally and I got great satisfaction on helping them developing and supporting them and I would consider it most fulfilling to be able to do this to children of my own and inspiring them.

“Have a lot of friends with kids?” Yes I do and I love to hear them talk about them and see how much pleasure and fulfilment they get from them and when I hear about them I wish I could have similar fulfilment.

“Have you ever taken care of a newborn? A baby? A toddler?” – Not as such but I observed my nephews growing up and spent time with them at that time. Again I always felt that I would like to be a father myself.

“Why do you think you’d be a good father?” – When I’ve been with children I have always got on well with them and built up good relationships. I have had relationships with single mothers and build up good relationships with their children. Their mothers told me that they liked me. With one of my exes with whom I am still in touch as friends, she said that her children still had fond memories of me years later and how they sometimes talked about me.

“Have you mentored children?” – See what I said about my teaching experience.

“Have you considered a surrogate, adoption, fostering?” – Yes surrogacy was something I did look into some years ago and I did make some enquiries. Also a single female friend once approached me and asked me if I could be a sperm donor to her, she said that she couldn’t think of a better person than me to be the father of her child. At the time I was seeing someone so I declined the offer. Otherwise I would have most probably gone for it. After we split up my friend then said that was no longer looking at having a baby as she said that upon reflection she felt that she was too old. Now unfortunately for me, many sperm donor agencies won’t consider men over 45 or at most 50. Fostering or adoption isn’t something that I would definitely rule out even now but I would want to do so with a loving partner rather than by myself. But some adoption and fostering agencies might consider me too old too. Still I would like to have a child of my own who was my own flesh and blood if that was possible. I see what pleasure other people with children get from seeing elements of other family members in their children. If family is important to you, having your own children does mean that it’s all continuing to another generation and that you’re contributing to that.

“Or dating a single mother is a great idea.” – I’ve already discussed that.

“You cannot have a child with the hope it will give you the unconditional love you desire. You cannot being a child into this world win the expectation that it will fulfill you.” – I’m under no illusions about that. But I have seen enough loving relationships between parents and children, both in my own family and with friends, to make it worth me taking the chance I think. Of course nothing is guaranteed in life. But what I do know for certain is that if I do ever finally give up my hopes of fatherhood for ever, it will make me sad and regretful for all the time I have left to live.

“It’s interesting that this pretty abstract idea of having a child at your age has become more important than building a relationship with someone you love.” – I hope that I’ve made it clear that my desire to have children is more than something abstract, as you call it. And when you say “at your age”, you seem to imply that it’s only something that I’ve come to want recently. Far from it, I’ve wanted it for nearly all my adult life but sadly I’ve never, as yet got to the situation with anyone where that happened. When I was younger I did sometimes wonder whether the desire would weaken as I got older but it hasn’t at all. As I said in my original post I’ve known, over the years a number of men who fathered children when they were of a similar age to me and considerably older too (and they also had very happy marriages with younger wives thus giving the lie to what some respondents have suggested on here, namely that I couldn’t hope to find a genuine love match with a younger woman) and turned out to be excellent fathers. I think that I have what it takes to do this too.

I’m sorry, I still don’t see where you’d discussed why you wouldn’t date a single mother.

Thanks for answering all those questions, although I wrote them mostly for you to think about. I find a lot of older men wanting children don’t consider what having a newborn to care for 24/7 actually is like. We’ve had other men your age write in with very similar desires but having never having really spent any significant amount of time with kids. It’s great you have a lot of experience around kids.

I appreciate you really want children. I am actually a younger wife with an older husband. But we still got started on kids much earlier. My oldest child is nearly seven and my husband just turned 50.

I would encourage you to get your fertility/general health checked if you haven’t. It’s a misconception that men of any age can father healthy children. Risks increase with age of both the mother and father. And you never know, the clock could be ticking or you could have a low sperm count.

Best of luck finding that special someone.

you say that you having a relationship with a single mother has been discussed, but I think it has been dismissed. There are many women out there, of your age, with children, and I think at your age it really is the most realistic way to go. Are you genuinely open to this or are you fixated on furthering your genes?

One other thought: Meeting women in real life is a lot different than online. There’s more of a chance irl to form a connection with someone and she sees beyond your age. Most young women online are not open to dating older men, and don’t want to be contacted by them. They’ll dismiss you right away based on your age. I’m not trying to be mean – I’m 45 and my husband is 50, but there’s a reality that it gets harder and harder to meet and date young people. 10 years younger? Sure, maybe. 15? That is really tough.

So it’s going to be harder for you online. That’s why I say you need to be clear about what you want – a family – so you have the best chance of meeting someone who also wants a family. In real life, when you can go places like church, sports leagues, adult education classes, and anything else that gets you mingling with women, that will help your chances. Or what about all your friends with younger wives, can those wives set you up on dates with their friends?

Frankly, I don’t find your position attractive. You are obsessed with finding a much younger women to reproduce yourself. Not very interesting for a young woman who will think like you: I have still much better prospects than a guy who is 52 and sees me as an incubator.

You best bet, in my opinion, is to date a woman round your age and try with her an adoption or a surrogate. That seems to me more realistic. Many women in their forties, early fifties, didn’t have the opportunity to have a child and may be interested in trying this way with you – much more than a younger woman.
And you will relate better with a woman your age.
Try that.

Now if you like daydreaming like this, you have to ask yourself wether you just like the impossible to avoid a commitment in a good, real relationship (that is: with a woman your age). Your track record screams commitment phobic.

If you are happy to look at dating a single mother as you have said, then there is no dilemma. You don’t need to go looking for a much younger woman, and you don’t need to miss out on being a father, just work hard at finding the right woman your own age who happens to already have kids, and earn the right to eventually take on a fathering role. Problem sorted.