Guy friend confessed his feelings hours after my breakup
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I did tell him I had no romantic feelings for him. I told him on several occasions. Every time he would say something along the lines of “my parents think we would make a cute couple” or whatever I’d tell him I am only interested in being friends.
Oh ok… then that was kind of ridiculous of him to profess his feelings right when you were breaking up with your bf, but not really surprising.
I think the problem largely (totally) lies with him. But, if you could go back in time, I’d say after the first couple of times you had to clarify you had no interest in dating him, you should’ve started pulling away. He wasn’t hearing you and didn’t want to hear you.
This isn’t a criticism, just a lesson learned for next time.
OMIGOD!! What a FUCKING ASSHOLE for… gee… i dunno… actually wanting to date you.
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*rolls eyes*
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Seriously, grow the fuck up. You clearly have no idea what disrespect even means. Get a fucking grip already. Christ on a fucking cracker — enough with the betrayal drama queen act.that’s a lot of shit coming out of your mouth. But I guess it makes sense considering how far your head seems to be up your ass.
Seriously though, I’ve seen your posts on here. You should settle down a little. You’re gonna give yourself an aneurysm.
BGM – I mean, sure there’s nothing wrong with liking someone or asking them out, but its pretty inappropriate to ask someone out when they are still in a relationship, even if that relationship is on the rocks.
Its pretty inappropriate to confess your feelings after you have been told multiple times – I like you as a friend and that’s it.
They probably should’ve stopped hanging out way sooner, but I think the OP has learned that going forward, if someone keeps “teasing” about you being together, they actually want to be together and they’re never going to be cool just being friends.
And hopefully he’s learned if he doesn’t want friendship he shouldn’t settle for less than he wants, and he should just move on the next time he finds himself in unrequited love instead of sticking around and hoping the girl eventually comes around.
You can want to date someone and not be an asshole, but you can’t keep hassling them about it once its been made clear to you they aren’t interested back.
I don’t think you are an asshole, but I think his actions (except for the awful Instagram ordeal) aren’t actually that bad.
You are mad he didn’t prioritize your feelings when you felt vulnerable. It would have been much better for him to realize he couldn’t continue to be a close, personal confidant for you, to say so, and for him to move on.
On the other hand, he’s been testing the waters for awhile now. He told you directly he could not be involved in whether you broke up with your boyfriend because of his own romantic feelings. You snapped at him for changing the dynamics but really what should he have done? Pretend that he was comfortable being your ear/support/bff? I’m not excusing his choices to feeling-vomit all over you when you have explicitly told him you are not interested. But in a way, I do think you were a hair away from melodrama in your follow-up letter:
“Were you ever really my friend? Or were you just stringing me along hoping that I owed you a relationship if you were nice enough to me? Sorry, but people who love each other are supposed to put each other first. You definitely did NOT do that. No matter what you say or how you try to justify it, that is simply not what went down. You betrayed me, Nathan…..”
You’ve known each other since you were twelve. He has romantic feelings which you don’t reciprocate. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect him to “love” you enough to fake being your friend. He didn’t have to pursue you during the end and it doesn’t come off as particularly attuned to you. But there are worse infractions in the world than him being sure of himself before moving on from a friendship he was no longer going to be satisfied with. At least now you know he’s not best guy friend material anymore. Yes, he chose an uncomfortable path of trying to nurse a delusional hope that you were secretly pining for him in a way you couldn’t acknowledge while coupled with someone else. Of course this especially sucked for you given that you’ve also just lost your romantic partner in the same time interval. You can feel angry about it but I think it might be unrealistic to expect him to know what to do or how to react any better. Unfortunately, he has opted to cut an emotional tooth here. But that is neither here nor there for you. It’s time to move forward.
Like BGM said, drama.
Did you have to drag him for telling you his feelings? “Not interested” would have sufficed.To tell him he is being selfish and all of that.. I don’t think he is being selfish. You are being selfish. Not eveything is about you.
I’ve had one of these ‘nice guys’ hanging around off and on since high school when he wrote a symphony (!?) for me. He’s a nice guy but just not my type and there’s no chemistry for me at all. Still, nearly 50 years later, he messages me and occasionally sends me his latest music. It’s annoying and I feel bad for his wife but I just consistently maintain my walls. That’s all you can do.
Good luck!
This got so dramatic, and turned into way bigger problem than it really should be. The guy is a typical asshole nice guy, who thought he was first in line for your open boyfriend position because he put in the time the last two years pretending to be your best friend. You let him pretend to be your best friend knowing he liked you, and be your fake sympathetic friend who I’m sure you did all of your BF shit talking too every time there was a problem. You hate that he went for it as soon as he could, just drop him as a friend and move on with your life. No need to write some stupid long winded letter saying you feel betrayed because you didn’t want to believe what was right in front of you eyes.
