Ho to tell if she's interested but hesitating, or simply not interested
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@Ale When I was in high school, I took a few community college classes. At the end of one of them, a classmate asked for my e-mail address. He was young enough to still be in my age range, so I gave it to him. Shortly after, I received an e-mail asking me out and went on to detail the many ordinary things I’d done to make him think I was into him. For example, when his pencil rolled off his desk, I’d picked it up off the floor and handed it back to him with a look in my eye. He also told me that I blushed a little while we were chatting once during a break. It was bizarre and seeing how much he read into nothing was the reason I declined*, and I imagine I know what that woman would feel like if she saw this thread. Hahaha.
*I cringe at this, but it makes the story even better. LiveJournals were cool when I was in HS. I was 16 and had no life so, of course, I wrote about this guy’s e-mail in my LiveJournal. Not at length, but it was definitely mentioned and I definitely called him boring and stalker-ish. Maybe 6 months after this incident, the guy somehow found my account (even though I was registered with a different e-mail than the one I’d given him) and read through months and months of posts about my boring 16-year-old-life and SAW that I’d written about him. AND LEFT ME A COMMENT. And he signed his comment something along the lines of “Your Boring Internet-Stalker Brian.” SO, all these years later, I even remember his name.
I’m actually having fun watching you guys discussing with such passion a silly thread i’ve started! Keep going…! ???? 😛
Because i’m not a super confident guy with a sharp tongue, and i simply don’t know how to deal with these sort of situations, i’ll just walk away and mind working my own muscles Lol ???? And search for my true love elsewhere…! ????
Thanks, everyone. It was interesting ????
And yes, some of you said quite a few silly things. But it was good ???? it helped me put thing into a different perspective. Sometimes we just see want we want to see, right? 😉
Smile at her and say hi the next few times you are at the gym. Then at some point go introduce yourself. Then another time ask her if she is interested in going out for a coffee afterwards. Good luck!
“Because i’m not a super confident guy with a sharp tongue, and i simply don’t know how to deal with these sort of situations, i’ll just walk away and mind working my own muscles Lol ???? And search for my true love elsewhere…! ????
Thanks, everyone. It was interesting ”
Now your just being dramatic with us, you got tons of good advice on how to start a simple conversation with her.
If it helps with your confidence, just approach her like you would a person you had zero romantic interest in. After all, you don’t know her, either — she may have a horrible personality for all we know! Go in with the mindset that you’re curious what she’s like, versus wanting to impress her or hoping she will like you.
ETA – Dating got a lot easier for me in general when I focused less on what my date thought of me, and instead focused on what I thought about my date. I think it’s a good mind set to have any time you’re interested in someone, though.
@Morecoffeeplease Thanks 😉
@bagge72 i wasn’t trying to be dramatic. It’s true, i don’t always have a sharp tongue. It’s a talent some people have that i simply do not share. Sometimes i simply freeze. It’s not really my fault, it’s something i have to work on, though 😛 As for ”working my muscles” thing, i meant minding my own business.@Copa That’s actually i good advice. Cheers 😉
@Eric – honestly, you sound like the kind of person who shouldn’t do cold approaches. Which honestly, is most of us. Your likelihood of rejection is high when you approach someone you don’t know, have no gauge of their level of interest in you, and have no real sense of whether *you* would actually be interested in them.
It’s a high level of risk (social awkwardness and rejection) for a low likelihood of return (you two actually being compatible enough to make something happen).
If you’re socially awkward, don’t do it. Peruse women with whom you have a base level of familiarity – where you have a better sense of their interests and personality and whether you might actually be compatible. Where you feel like you know them as a person so talking to them is less nerve wracking.
So that means people you interact with regularly (like actually engage with, not just someone you see often), whether it be through a hobby like a book club or something, a friend of a friend, ect. Spend time getting to know women on a friendly, no stakes basis, then decide if you want to ask them out. It’ll be less pressure and more likely you’ll actually have a clearer sense of whether she’s interested or not.
That said, I don’t think one needs to be particularly witty, charismatic, or quick on your feet to cold approach someone. You just need to be friendly and confident. It really is as simple as saying “Hi, how are you today? My name is Eric.”
In no way does being friendly and confident guarantee everyone you approach will reciprocate your interest, but you really don’t need a complicated strategy to introduce yourself to someone. You just need the courage to do it.
I’d wait until the two of you are walking past each other and say hi as you get near her. Don’t turn to see if she watches you go by. Just say hi and keep going. Do that multiple times and see if she starts smiling when she sees you coming or if she starts avoiding you. You don’t have to be witty to say hi.
I think if she likes you she will find a reason to stop and talk to you. If she never hangs around you she probably isn’t interested.
I’m not talking about the fact that you can’t talk to somebody as being dramatic, I’m talking about the part where you went all “well I guess I’ll just pick up my ball and go home because nobody cares about me” You went all dramatic when you said you ” i’ll just walk away and mind working my own muscles Lol ???? And search for my true love elsewhere…! ????” Like seriously, you got like a hundred responses telling you how to gently approach this girl, and you response is a whoa is me you guys are right, I’ll never talk to her again?
