*raises hand* I, too, once had a meltdown, after my first serious boyfriend broke up with me on Facebook chat after years of dating. After some drinking, I blew up his phone, *left voicemails* (omg), sent him an embarrassing email, etc. It’s been many years, but I cringe at this still. In hindsight, I can see how terrible our relationship had become and how awful we were for and to each other in the last months of our relationship. It needed to end. I learned a lot from that break-up and haven’t behaved that way since.

Your relationship? It needs to end. It doesn’t sound loving or fun or fulfilling or any of the things a relationship worth having should be. It also sounds like you have work to do on yourself. You say you pick fights for petty reasons “often” — you need to figure out how to stop doing this. You won’t find many people who want to have a relationship with you (platonic or romantic) if this is how you react. And when someone says he doesn’t want to talk to you, you have to accept and respect that. Just because you aren’t acting with malicious intent or feel unhinged because your heart is broken, doesn’t mean you’re not in the wrong or get a free pass. I think a lot of people can agree that they’ve had break-ups that made them come a little unglued, but that’s where self-control comes in. FWIW, I don’t think he’s handling things that well, either, but you can only control your own actions and reactions.

Anyway, now is a good time to be single, get comfortable with yourself, and seek professional help to learn to control your own emotions.

I had a couple psycho moments after my last breakup and also one drama moment (like crying and fighting in a public place) the day we broke up. Mostly dur to anxiety during post breakup times when we got back together briefly, like very anxious, blowing up his phone with texts and calls, going to his house (never made it though, always turned around before). After we ended things for good, I never had anxiety or depressive thoughts again, never again thought about killing myself or dissapearing from the face of the earth like I used to. He brought up the worst on me. I behaved the worst, like a crazy person when I was with him. It’s sad to end things, and you feel guilty. I feel guilty because he has an image of me I’ll never get over, he thinks I’m crazy and couldn’t handle breaking up well. I have no defense, I was the worst, mostly because he shunned me, never responded my texts or calls, never wanted to discuss any issue, he basically ignored me during conflict. It had to end. It’s hard, tough, weird, whatever you name it but it’s over, this is not a healthy relationship.

@JD I have a couple cheater exes. When I went to therapy after the second one, my therapist told me that just about everyone she’s counseled in the aftermath of cheating has said the same thing: The situation made them feel insane. (Certainly rings true in my experience.)

@LisforLeslie I think that’s actually one of the saddest stories I’ve read on DW. 🙁

Anyway, I think the take-away from all of this for LW is that she’s not unique in how she feels, or even in exhibiting regrettable behavior. But you have to take responsibility for your behavior, even when the other person is also acting poorly, and try to do and be better the next time.