Also for what it’s worth my marriage isn’t perfect but in the past ten years (much less than past 2) I have not been compelled to write in once over concerns in our relationship. You’ve now done it three times, so…

I am now,but was confused and upset when I first posted or I would not have written in. I took some time,thought about things and talked to him-and after all of that I am confident.

@juliecatherine -I have not, but I shall check it out. I wrote mine in 1998. The other was in the early aughts. Sometimes I think I missed my calling. I coulda been the next Alan Sherman.

@Pearl I’m not making fun of you specifically. I’m writing about the futility of your situation and the lies that people tell themselves because they’d rather be with someone. You have identified some major issues with your man-friend. Major issues. Lack of kindness, possible addiction, lack of resources with a simultaneous plan to mingle finances. There’s more red flags here than at a Target Grand Opening and yet, no matter what we say you’ve convinced yourself that everything is just fine.

I’m so far from perfect it’s not funny (actually a lot of my foibles are pretty funny). But I recognize if I’m asking for help, then I need help. And if someone is willing to give me advice, I’m going to listen to them and I’m not going to dismiss it. I may actively ignore it through procrastination, but I’m not going to dismiss it.

This is the last comment I will make. No one knows me here and no-one knows him. I have numerous friends that know me as a rational person that can and has gone years without a relationship rather than stay or go into a bad situation.
I am not desperate,without resources, or clinging to a bad guy because I have low self-esteem or don’t know that a good relationship is like. I have many friends,business associates and a family that cares for me and knows us as a couple. They would be the first to tell me to run if they saw red flags..
I got a wide range of opinions here,including people that thought I should have instantly dismissed the sister’s speil and others that thought I should believe every word she said.
And those opinions are fine-calling me rude names and an outright idiot and deluded and then gleefully making up songs about what a fool I am is not. I could call names back and say hurtful things but I don’t want to act that way.

Did someone call you an outright idiot?? I know I called you delusional, and I stand by it. Mainly because you write in here genuinely asking, is my boyfriend too judgmental? Is my boyfriend an addict? And you truly think the answer could be yes, but then you have one conversation with him and are convinced the problem is solved. without letting time go by to see if things improve. And you’re talking about buying a house as a next step, seemingly without deciding to let a whole year pass without a crisis.

“That is the last thing I will say on tge subject…”
.
Yeah, sure. Right. Until you write in with yet another identity… and you will write in, sweetheart, as this problem relationship won’t magically be a-okay…