“My Boyfriend’s Too Close with His Brother’s Girlfriend”
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“If she’s not going to be seeing these people anymore, why not blow the whole situation up?”
Don’t you just love Trolls? … They have got nothing better to do then try and get people to blow up their lives and ruin once in a lifetime family events just so they can have a little excitement. What a dick. It doesn’t cost them a thing – just stirring up drama so they can get a thrill … Sad really.
If your boyfriends behavior is a real problem, then leave … The issue will resolve itself eventually. If they’ve been having an affair, then the brother will eventually find out. Even if they weren’t, your boyfriend doesn’t appear to the that attentive. Leaving will give you a chance to find someone that is.
Just don’t listen to the Trolls … You’ll be able to spot them because any advice they give will involve maximum drama … (And a little snicker from behind their sad little keyboards).
Making someone’s celebration the stage for your grand finale is highly inappropriate because it takes something that is about someone else and something else and making it all about you and your relationship. It’s hijacking something and using it for your own purposes. Don’t do that.
If you do want a grand finale it should just be the four of you, you, boyfriend, his brother and brother’s girlfriend. You could catch the two of them together. If you leave them alone together you can forget something and go back in about ten minutes and see what you find. Make sure your phone has the video running as you come through the door.
You also have the option of leaving, telling the boyfriend why you are done and blocking him and going on with your life.
@Ange I’m not sure what level of paranoia you’re talking about. I think her suspicions are pretty justified, I don’t think i’d be able to call that paranoia. I do agree though that if it got to spy cam level, I too would leave, if I hadn’t already by the boyfriends response in the first place. I still think though that it wouldn’t be horrible to have a one on one with the brother still.
Going to spy cam is really about blowing the two of them out of the water and exposing them to the world. If you’ve reached that level you’re done. I think paranoia was probably the wrong word choice but was she was probably intending to mean lack of trust.
The trouble with a spy cam is that it is probably illegal to tape someone in the privacy of their bedroom without their consent. If the boyfriend was angry that she blew up his fling with the brother’s girlfriend he could file a police report and get her into legal trouble. If it is also her bedroom she might have more legal leeway but she would definitely need to look up the laws in her state before doing it. That’s why I suggest you give them some time alone and then walk in on them if she wants to catch them. If you have a key to an apartment then you have been given permission to let yourself in and if you happen to find your boyfriend involved with someone else you aren’t breaking the law to pull out your phone and tape them as you find them. If she has no key to the apartment then even that won’t work unless she leaves the door unlocked as she leaves and hopes that they don’t lock it behind her.
Why roll around in the mud with these people? Just bounce and trust karma to figure out the rest.
It no longer has anything to do with you. Whatever the deal is between brothers or the angst between them to come – remove yourself from it. No good comes from blowing up at anyone. If you want to have it out with your boyfriend and tell him why you are out – that’s your prerogative. I wouldn’t. I would just ghost at this point. Leaving abruptly without a word will make everyone uncomfortable and wonder why and they can reach their own conclusions without you sullying your dignity. Go high. I mean leave quickly and all… but go out a high note.
We’re talking about a couple of different things here. 1) The LW deciding whether she wants to stay in the relationship, and 2) revenge.
I think the LW already has decided that she’s done with this guy. I would, too. When you’re analyzing your BF’s interactions with another woman this closely, I think trust has been broken beyond repair. She’s not happy. He’s become more of a source of stress than a source of happiness. Time to move on.
Calling them out at a family event, the spy cam, etc – that’s just straight-up revenge. Punishing him, punishing her, punishing his family. Getting payback for the hurt. What’s the point? So you create a scene that people will be talking about for years. How does that help anything? Just walk away from the whole mess with your head held high.
I think leaving with dignity is the best option. Just go. Cut off all contact and be done with him.
I get what you’re saying sky and everyone else. I wasn’t meaning revenge or anything or post a recording out to the world to see, just to see proof so when he asks why she is breaking up and leaving him, he can’t deny what was found. That is all. But the end result is you should most likely end this.
No proof is required. His interactions with his brother’s gf creeps out the LW and is ample reason to MOA, whether or not this girl and her bf are actually screwing.
Lots of drama queens lurking here. Spy-cams? Big nuclear blow ups at family events? Come on. This is all silly. Just walk away — with dignity. The person I really feel for is the brother. I mean, it sounds to me like he will one day soon get completely blindsided.
I should clarify that while I think it would be highly entertaining, I’m mostly joking about confronting them at a bris.
