“My Boyfriend’s Too Close with His Brother’s Girlfriend”
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Yeah, I didn’t really mean she should do it at a family event either. But if she did it at her bf’s place and the brother and girlfriend could hear her… well, that’d be just fine.
My boyfriend was cheating on me with his brother’s girlfriend, and your boyfriend is showing all those signs that mine did. Don’t let yourself get hurt like I did. I found out in January, and I’m still a mess. :'( I’m with him. He has completely stopped talking to his bro’s gf, but I can’t stop thinking about it. 🙁 IF anyone can offer me some advice on how to move on from this and work things out with him, or how to break up with him, I’ll take it.
But you ma’am, RUN 🙁 The signs are there. Don’t ignore your gut like I did. And don’t let him call you jealous or controlling, the way mine did before I found out.
@Mel,
I’m confused. Why do you need a way to break up with him? Like you don’t need permission or an excuse to break up with him. Just do it.Honestly, I’d suggest that you break up with him. Not only did he cheat on you but he did it with his brother’s girlfriend. Of all of the women in the world he could have cheated with, he chose his brother’s girlfriend?!?! That is mind boggling.
Also, if you start your own topic you can get better advice.
Mel —
It’s not the sort of thing one should be able to stop thinking about and just get over. Why would you want to even try to get over it. Your bf has revealed his true character. Not only is he willing to hurt you and destroy your trust and violate what I presume was an agreement between the two of you for monogamous exclusivity, but he also violated all norms of how family treat each other by totally betraying his own brother. As bad as your situation is, I see his betrayal of his brother as even worse. Why are you still with him? Putting aside the axe-murderer from another thread, you’d be hard pressed to find a man with less character. Have some respect for yourself and aim WAY higher. Ask yourself why you are so desperate that you have stayed with this louse. If you can’t answer that yourself, and find the resolve to leave, then talk to a therapist. His behavior is awful, but yours is not that of a mature, confident, capable self-respecting adult.
Mel, I’m assuming that you live with him so here’s how you break up with someone:
1. If you live with them, figure out whose name(s) are on the lease. If it’s you – you get to kick him out. If it’s him, then you find a new place.
2. Find a new place to live. Find a friend, find a room, live with your folks. Rent an apartment.
3. Arrange to move your stuff to said place.
4. Tell him you are moving out and to not contact you further.That’s it. You’re done!
If you don’t live with him then follow these instructions:
1. Tell him that you are breaking up with him. Block him on your phone and any social apps. Voila!
Mel –
Why do you need a way to break up? You just walk up to him and say “I don’t want to be in a relationship any more.” Voila, you’re broken up.
Ah, you say, but you DO want to be in a relationship with him. You want things back the way they were before you found out he was a lying, cheating dirtbag. You want to forget what he did, and pretend it never happened.
I’m sorry, but that’s the one thing you can never, ever have. It happened. You found out something very important about him. That he’ll betray you and lie to you if he wants something or someone. That he’ll betray his own BROTHER for some presumably meaningless sex. That you can never trust him again.
You can’t go back to the way it was. That’s gone. You thought he was a good man, and now you know that’s not true.
Well, how do I explain this better? I do not live with him. I wasn’t necessarily asking for a way to break up. I was more so asking if I was dumb for staying.
I stayed, because he makes me happy, and because he actually took steps to fix what he did. Maybe I am dumb, but I wouldn’t say that I’m immature (@Ron). There are plenty of women/men who stay with their lovers after they cheat, and some of the guys/girls make a change. I see good in him, I guess. My ex cheated on me, and I left him high and dry, because I saw that he was no good. A part of me truly believes my bf is sorry. Do I think this is a mistake? Hells no. Cheating is never a mistake.
My problem currently is not him. He’s great. He’s not talking to her whatsoever, and let’s me know if she tries to text him. My problem is myself. I keep thinking about it, comparing myself to her, wondering what I did. When our relationship is going well, I think about it, and start to ask questions again, and it puts a strain on us. Well maybe it’s just me. He tries to comfort me, and remind me that he loves me. So I feel like I’m the actual threat to the relationship now. My question was, more accurately, should I break up with him since I am still a mess?
Oh and him and his brother hate each other…which I knew before dating him. Don’t like it. Don’t understand it. But they do. So it’s a very weird family dynamic there.
Yes, some people stay together after cheating. But the only way to do that and be happy is to rebuild the trust. The trust that HE broke. It’s disturbing to me that you’re laying the current issues with the relationship at your own feet, when the core issue is the lack of trust caused by him. He needs to work to gain your trust. That’s his job, not yours. What’s he done to get it back? You say he’s taken steps to fix it. Has he done everything you think he could do? If not, tell him what you need. If he’s done everything you think you need him to do, and it hasn’t worked, then that might be the end of the relationship. If you can’t get past it, that’s probably the end of the relationship. You could try therapy, both alone and with him, but if nothing works then your choices are to either stay in it and have to live with the doubt and unhappiness his breach has caused, or break up.
Also, to me, it doesn’t really help that he hates his brother. That’s messed up in its own right. Doesn’t speak well to his character, that’s for sure.
Mel,
So, your bf used to make you happy, before the cheating. From your letter, you don’t sound at all happy today.Yes, many couples ‘survive’ infidelity. Most have a lot more invested into the relationship than you do: time, marriage, kids together, at least living together. It is harder to break things off. Many of these couples ‘survive’ in name only for the sake of the kids or economic security. In many cases, the surviving relationship is never the same again, because, like you, the cheated-upon partner can’t get past it and re-establish trust.
Whether your bf hates his brother or not, his behavior is scummy. You really do need to MOA and aim higher. There are other men out there who can make you happy and won’t cheat on you or betray their family members.
Why do I say you are immature? “He makes me happy” is lame.
